Chapter 5: Everyone Says Different Things.
From the morning, I met my ex-girlfriend, Mishima Satsuki, got told more than I expected, became dazed, and took a later train to school.
Hokusho High School, where the three of us study, is still a new school, with an above-average academic ranking and a strong focus on sports.
I played baseball in elementary school and table tennis in middle school, but in high school, I chose basketball.
Well, club activities are just a hobby for me. I'm not aiming to go pro or anything; as long as I can enjoy it with my friends and stay fit, that's enough. ...Honestly, I'm hoping basketball will help me grow taller...
Also, at a friend's request, I joined a club called the film club.
It was a desperate request from my friend from middle school, Tanaka-kun.
Tanaka-kun and I have made videos together before, and he got hooked on it. He's burning with passion to make movies and documentaries, so he joined the film club and asked me to join too since they needed more members.
Two days ago, after school, Satsuki suddenly told me something, and I ended up taking yesterday off, so I haven't told my classmates, friends, or acquaintances from high school about "that story."
Satsuki was embarrassed and said we should keep it a secret, but both she and I have told our close friends that we were dating...
Should I report it to them? Or is it better not to?
I just can't seem to make up my mind.
...If someone asks me if something happened, maybe I'll talk about it only to people I trust?
It's pathetic. But I want someone to listen. My weak heart, completely messed up, is searching for some kind of answer.
On the day of, after thinking and agonizing over it yesterday, I realized I still feel gratitude toward Satsuki.
But unresolved sadness, anger, jealousy, disgust, and anxiety—various emotions keep bubbling up like a hot spring source, one after another, with no end in sight.
When I arrived at school, Tanaka-kun came over to me right away.
Tanaka: "Kousuke-kun! Are you okay?"
A friend since middle school, he knows the situation. I told him I'd talk about it during lunch break and assured him I'm okay now.
My friends also greeted me roughly, asking what's wrong and if I skipped school.
The fact that I was absent doesn't matter to the world at all; time passes, and the world keeps turning.
Missing just one day, and the lessons have already moved forward...
After the first period, the person sitting next to me spoke to me.
?: "Hey, you don't know what you missed, right? I'll lend you my notes from yesterday!"
The incredibly beautiful girl sitting next to me.
Nagase Aya is a tall, stunning beauty who excels in both academics and sports.
She's in the girls' basketball club and serves as a general affairs officer in the student council, a popular ponytail beauty among the boys.
She's an active girl, and since we're in the same basketball club (though separated by gender), she talks to me a lot. She's really a nice person.
"...Thanks, Nagase-san."
Nagase: "Hehe, no problem! Why did you skip yesterday?"
I don't want to be asked...
"...Uh, well? A lot of things?"
Nagase: "A lot of things? I don't really get what 'a lot of things' means for a boy. No way! Did you get dumped?"
Nagase's words, said with a mischievous laugh as if joking, hit me like a critical strike...
"..."
My face clouds over, and I look down.
Nagase: "Eh? Eh? Eh? No way?! Did I hit the mark?!"
No way, indeed.
"...Yeah, a clean hit to the wound..."
I've had many chances to talk with Nagase-san, and she's from the same middle school as Mishima Satsuki from the class next door. She actually knew we were dating.
I didn't want to say things weren't going well recently, so I kept that part vague...
Nagase-san apologized to me multiple times, but it's not her fault at all.
Don't worry about it, okay?
We talked a bit more in-depth.
What should I do? Nagase-san, what do you think?
Nagase: "Something like that! I absolutely can't forgive it! As a girl, that's the worst! Even if your heart drifts apart and you break up, there's a right way to handle it! There's a proper way to end things, isn't there? And on top of that, with Yamamoto-kun from our class...?"
"...Calm down... But, thanks."
Having someone get angry on my behalf... Sho was the same, and it feels reassuring and warm.
Thanks, Nagase-san.
Nagase: "Why not just forget about it and move forward? Kousuke-kun, you didn't do anything wrong."
Forget about it and move forward, huh.
I thanked her and started copying the notes she lent me.
The handwriting in the notebook was neat and straight, just like Nagase-san.
Lunch break, at the film club.
Tanaka, his friends, and some seniors are crammed into the small room.
Tanaka: "I heard a bit about it on LINE, but...?"
I pulled Tanaka-kun out of the clubroom and headed to the courtyard.
I explained what happened two days ago, how Sho came over, and how I met her at the station this morning.
Tanaka: "Seriously...? You two seemed so close just recently. Really?"
I wish I could think it's a lie.
If only these past three days were just a dream! How great would that be?
"...So, after school, I'm going to meet her."
Tanaka-kun, while angry, said,
Tanaka: "Kousuke-kun, you should be more upset! Be honest with your feelings! How can you stay so calm after being beaten down like a punching bag? Let's actively tell people from our middle school about this!"
I should be more upset, huh.
That might be true, but I just don't have the energy for it.
I spent half of lunch break talking with Tanaka-kun, and the other half hanging out with the film club people in the clubroom.
The comfortable closeness of this small world with my friends feels just right.
After that, the afternoon classes ended, and it became after school.
There's still quite a bit of time until the time Satsuki specified, so I chatted with some friends before heading out.
The two of them are similar kinds of friends.
My friends in class have a casual relationship with me; they're not best friends or anything, but it's not shallow or superficial either.
You could call us introverts? Or maybe hidden characters—calm, quiet, and comforting friends.
I briefly explained to those two that I had a girlfriend and that I got dumped two days ago.
"What?!" They were hooked, but quickly realized I wasn't in the mood for that.
They showed concern and listened to me, nodding along.
Their gentle care made me feel like I could cry...
"Kousuke, don't get too down, okay?... Well, I guess you would, huh?"
"Having had a girlfriend means you've got more relationship experience than us, so... we can't really say much..."
The two of them, each in their own way,
said, "Isn't the only way forward to find a new love?"
and, "Don't forget what happened this time. Definitely use it to move forward to the next step."
gave me their advice.
By the way, Sho said to do what I feel is right.
On the way home, while heading to the meeting place with Satsuki, I thought about it.
I reflected on the advice I heard today.
It's becoming more and more unclear to me.
Do what I feel is right.
Forget about it and move forward.
Be honest with my feelings and get angry!
Find a new love.
Don't forget this time, use it to move forward.
None of these are wrong, and they don't contradict each other.
Even so, with so many choices, I'm lost.
I remembered myself standing frozen at the intersection yesterday evening.