Bai Bufan: "Voice message 60s"
Bai Bufan: "Voice message 60s"
Bai Bufan is requesting a voice call.
You have declined.
Bai Bufan: "Come on Lin Li, turn on your mic! Turn on your mic!!!!"
Lin Li: [Donnie Yen meme] (Look, getting worked up again.)
Lin Li didn't even bother clicking on those voice messages. He didn't need to think to know what garbage would spew from Bai Bufan's mouth. Even though everyone was just cursing at virtual moms online, there was no need to go looking for trouble.
Sixty seconds was WeChat's limit, not Bai Bufan's.
And it probably wasn't just his voice either - clicking it would unleash a passionate combo attack from their entire dorm room.
Bai Bufan: "The rising dawn of morning light, the blue sun's evening embrace; the crimson mist at sunset, like twilight's glowing walls."
Bai Bufan suddenly started writing poetry for himself. The entire poem expressed the author's homesickness through descriptions of natural scenery.
Lin Li ignored it.
Bai Bufan: "I'm truly sick of your baseless accusations. Our friendship is over! Baowei and I will gang up on you together! Listen well - this weekend we're throwing an awesome party. All the school's influential figures will attend. But guess who won't get an invitation? [American baseball uniform guy dancing meme]"
Lin Li: "No problem bro, perfect timing. While you guys party this weekend, I'll be conducting anti-prostitution raids."
Bai Bufan: "?"
Bai Bufan: "Bro, have you already found a target?"
Lin Li: "I don't understand what you're talking about."
Bai Bufan: "Hey, good brother, aren't we like flood waters washing away the Dragon King's temple? Guess what - I suddenly remembered that even though I don't have hemorrhoids, I can learn! I absolutely love hemorrhoids!"
Lin Li: "Aren't you going to keep bullying me with Baowei anymore?"
Bai Bufan: "Bro, I was just joking around. My thing with Baowei is fake playing, but with you it's real playing. Just give the word and I'll add mustard to his hemorrhoid cream and mix essential balm into his eye drops without hesitation."
Lin Li: "Arrogant before, humble after - thinking about it makes one laugh."
Bai Bufan: "He laughed! He actually laughed! Young master, you haven't smiled in ten years. Now that this old servant could make you laugh, even death would be worth it."
Lin Li: "Alright, we'll discuss details when we get to school. Don't go probing around on other apps either - don't accidentally mess up and trap yourself. It's getting late, let's sleep."
After taking the long route and having a late-night snack, it was already almost midnight, and he hadn't even showered yet.
Bai Bufan: "Okay, let's sleep."
Lin Li: "Type 3 for goodnight, type 2 to revive Lao Da, type 1 to send little pudding."
Bai Bufan: "1111 Are you really sending them, bro?"
Lin Li: "+3"
Bai Bufan: "+3"
The chat ended there. Lin Li yawned. Though his body wasn't tired today, serious thinking was still exhausting. Since activating the system, Lin Li's sleep quality had improved beyond imagination.
...
Good sleep quality still didn't guarantee easy early rising.
If it weren't for the weather still being as hot as summer this September, Lin Li's early rising plans would be even more difficult - after all, winter beds were definitely where the most earthbound spirits were born.
Rubbing his sleepy eyes, Lin Li pulled open the curtains. Unfortunately, the morning light at this hour wasn't warm, and his corpse-like body remained cold.
Looking at the sky, there were many clouds today, but they were bright in color, not dim. Lin Li checked the weather forecast - no rain predicted either.
But as everyone knows, weather is as fickle as women, and weather forecasts are as unreliable as men. He should probably bring an umbrella just in case. If it didn't rain, he could leave the umbrella in the classroom as backup.
Lin Li looked at these clouds, his sleepy eyes suddenly becoming determined. He wiped away non-existent tears, "Lao Da, you're working so hard, what right do I have to complain?"
In Lin Li's eyes, these clouds weren't clouds at all, they were clearly cotton that God had made Kobe get up at 4 AM to plant!
Look at that cloud - doesn't it look like a watermelon?
Look at that cloud - doesn't it look like fried chicken?
Look at that contrail left by the airplane - what else could that be but God's whip?
Lao Da had planted so much in less than an hour. As an inheritor of the Mamba mentality, how could he remain weak!
...
[Practice the Eight-Stage Body Forging Technique seriously before the hour of Mao for seven consecutive days, accumulating at least half an hour before the hour of Chen. (5/7)]
Just two more days and this task would be complete.
Today would be another easy day.
"Odd chapters are physical body training, even chapters are magical body training. Magic users really are the right path." Lin Li stretched lazily, sighing inwardly.
Though he had no specific data, Lin Li could feel that in just two short days, he'd become much healthier.
For example, his left eye originally had some pseudomyopia, but these past two days, he hadn't experienced any blurred vision.
Spiritual energy really was wonderful. This was just the effect after two days - essential for the extraordinary. Unfortunately, he only had one spirit stone left.
Why didn't the modern world have any?
Better work hard on the anti-prostitution raids. After clearing three pleasure demon cultivator strongholds, he'd get five more stones and could enjoy another kun day of happiness.
"I'm off, Grandpa Zhou." He greeted the fixed NPC Little Zhou who was peeking at him as usual.
These past two days, his secret training probably wasn't going well, judging by his increasingly depressed looks.
...
Classroom
"According to unofficial histories, Zhuge Liang's empty city strategy was to break Sima Yi's winning streak." Bai Bufan was still butchering Three Kingdoms history.
"Kong Ming's most outrageous episode."
Lin Li entered to distribute breakfast, then said to Bai Bufan, "Your mushroom buns went up fifty cents, they're two yuan each now. You bought two, so I paid an extra yuan. But since we're brothers, haggling over a few yuan is unnecessary, so let's just say you owe me ten yuan now."
Bai Bufan frowned, scratched his head, sensing something wasn't right.
"No money, not paying."
"No money? I'll pay for the bun money, give me your phone." Lin Li smiled as he unwrapped the breakfast portions and laid them out for others to take.
"Where did this two hundred thousand come from?" Bai Bufan cooperated with impressive speed.
"No two hundred thousand, just one thousand from your Huabei loan."
"Wait, if it's Huabei, my limit is a full two thousand."
"That one thousand is my handling fee."
"You really understand the middleman business." Bai Bufan gave him the middle finger and bit viciously into his mushroom bun. "This inflation really is fast. Still a small place, but prices are catching up to big cities."
"How can inflation not be fast?" Lin Li nodded in agreement. "You know Mbappe? Search 'French supercar' and instead of cars, he comes up. He makes tens of millions of euros a year. You know, over a hundred years ago, his whole person would've been worth maybe a few dozen dollars at most - that's just a few dollars a year. This inflation rate is terrifying."
"I can't agree with that point. Over a hundred years ago, their landing could have included a hundred draws. Who knows, they might have drawn something valuable and turned the tables against the wind.” Bai Bufan shook his head.
"You make a good point."
Lin Li grabbed his chin and thought for a moment, then nodded.
An excellent person acknowledges when their thinking is insufficient. Among three people, one will be my teacher - he really needed to learn more from Bai Bufan in this area.
"Lin Li, which one is mine?" Chen Yuying's voice came from behind.
"Class monitor? I was just about to bring it to you, and here you are. Here, this one's yours." Lin Li turned around, somewhat surprised to see Chen Yuying, and handed her breakfast to her.
No task triggered. Hmm, maybe the trigger condition was monetary transaction, and he'd accidentally canceled it? Would this affect future triggers too?
While Lin Li was overthinking, Chen Yuying didn't leave after receiving her breakfast. She took out a handful of various candies from her school uniform pocket and placed them on Lin Li's desk:
"Since you won't take my money, please accept these candies. You mentioned that studying lately has made you lack sugar, and I love candy too. I have lots stored in my dorm - I can share plenty with you."
Lin Li blinked and asked carefully, "Class monitor, what if I'm willing to take your money again?"
He had indeed sworn not to take a penny from the class monitor, but now he was planning to accept five or even ten yuan!
Chen Yuying: "?"
"Just joking, just joking. Thanks for the candy, class monitor. I won't be shy about these." Lin Li waved his hands with a smile and put the candies in his drawer.
Forget it, not necessary. The monetary transaction being a prerequisite was just his speculation, not a confirmed condition.
Though Chen Yuying definitely wouldn't mind continuing to give him money if he brought it up, actually going back on his word like that would make Lin Li even more shameless than Bai Bufan.
Even if he wanted to test this condition, even if he confirmed it was necessary, he'd choose other methods in the future.
"Mm, if any candy tastes good or bad, you can tell me later. I can adjust accordingly." Chen Yuying nodded, then turned slightly: "I'll head back now. Talk more at lunch?"
"Sure, let's talk at lunch."
Chen Yuying left and returned to her seat.
Bai Bufan and Zhou Baowei, who had been playing dead - observing through their noses while their noses observed their hearts, not saying a word or making a sound, immediately came back to life and locked their gazes on Lin Li.
Bai Bufan cleared his throat, struck an orchid finger pose, and began affecting mannerisms, "If any candy tastes good~~ or bad~~ you can tell me later~~ I can adjust accordingly~~"
Zhou Baowei followed up with the rhythm, "I'll head back now~~ Talk more at lunch~~"
Humans are essentially repeaters, and these humanoid beasts were sarcastic versions of repeaters.
The old Lin Li without a system might have felt embarrassed, but the current Lin Li could face their teasing gazes calmly and even had time to flip them off.
Discovering a thief, Lin Li immediately slapped away Bai Bufan's hand reaching for his drawer.
"You won't even share with your brother? The class monitor's giving you some every day, you don't need to treasure them like they're precious. I'll just eat one!" Bai Bufan protested indignantly.
Facing Bai Bufan's resentful gaze, Lin Li shook his head with a simple, sincere tone, "It's not that I won't give you any, but dogs really can't eat chocolate. Here, good boy, eat this fruit candy, you can have this one."
Lin Li placed a piece of fruit-flavored hard candy in Bai Bufan's palm with a pure smile.
Bai Bufan: "?"
He stared at the fruit candy in his hand for a moment, his brain furiously battling. After brewing curse words for ages, he finally grumbled, "Damn it, thank you."
"You're welcome."
"Shit."
After Bai Bufan squeezed out that word, he turned back to continue gnawing his mushroom bun.
An excellent person acknowledges their shortcomings in being disgusting. Among the three people, one will be my teacher. He really needed to learn more from Lin Li in this area.
"Geez, what's the deal here?" Zhou Baowei was puzzled. "Lin Li, you helped the class monitor buy breakfast a few times last semester too, but you two were still 'strange classmates.' How did your relationship progress so fast this semester? The class monitor's confused too, how can she likes you? I don't understand. Why doesn't she like me instead? I'm obviously so handsome."
Zhou Baowei sighed deeply, his tone full of frustrated disappointment.
Lin Li and Bai Bufan both looked at Zhou Baowei.
Some things were intolerable.
"You go first or should I?" Bai Bufan asked without turning around.
"You go first." Lin Li replied. Masters always appear last.
"OK. Baowei, I agree the class monitor is blind, but who gave you the courage to say 'Why doesn't she like me?' There's no mirror in the dorm, but we do have urine - you look like a QR code. People need to scan you to know what you are. Why are you so confident calling yourself handsome?"
Bai Bufan nodded to Lin Li, indicating it was his turn.
Lin Li's words were simple. He looked at Zhou Baowei and spoke concisely: "When doctors try to draw your blood, it takes forever because they discover it's lard."
Bai Bufan immediately slapped his thigh in regret.
Undoubtedly, he'd lost this round of the "Humiliate Zhou Baowei Competition."
"Lin Li, what if I'd said 'Baowei, when you're in the pen, do you compete with other brothers for feed?' Would that have been more aggressive?" He turned around to ask for advice without shame.
"Not bad, that's better than the QR code line." Lin Li nodded after consideration.
"What about another variation..."
Watching the two seriously analyze and research how to most aggressively humiliate him, Zhou Baowei fell silent.
Their words were so hurtful.
He was going to make a fuss.
So let me ask you, let me ask you.
Actually, Zhou Baowei wasn't that fat - he could even be called sturdy. His BMI only slightly exceeded the normal range, but unfortunately he'd made poor friends. Being too close to Lin Li and Bai Bufan meant his flaws would be infinitely magnified. He was doomed for life.
"Um, um, bros, can I interrupt?" Zhou Baowei raised his hand to stop the bestial deskmate duo's research, then analyzed seriously: "I think between brothers, encouragement can sometimes be used too. After all, I have pretty low self-esteem. I suggest you praise me more often - that would be more appropriate."
Facing Zhou Baowei's sincere gaze, Lin Li smiled:
"Baowei, if you want praise, put on a wig and lipstick, then post on Xiaohongshu. Immediately you'll have sisters praising you.
'Wow sister, you have such good foundation! Don't listen to others talking nonsense - where are you fat? You're perfectly plump right now! A little dressing up and you'd be absolutely stunning!'"
Bai Bufan also smiled:
"Baowei, Lin Li and I came from Tieba. You should understand - seeing someone like you, we'd only say 'what a genuine fat pig.'"
Xiaohongshu was like that. A few years ago, when basically no guys used Xiaohongshu, under photos Lin Li thought looked good, the comments were sometimes unsightly - sometimes even more malicious than pathetic men.
Remember one of the Tieba scriptures:
When an ugly pig judges another ugly pig, it won't spare praise, because it knows that no matter how much it praises, the other is still essentially a pig, and since they're the same species, praising the other is indirectly praising itself.
When an ugly pig judges a beautiful pig, the ugly pig will emphasize the beautiful pig's flaws while secretly setting the beautiful pig as a goal, longing to become beautiful one day.
But when a pig judges a peacock, knowing they're not even the same species and that it could never become a peacock, it becomes verbal and hysterical, constantly hoping for the peacock's misfortune.
At this moment.
Tieba veterans Lin Li and Bai Bufan gazed sincerely.
Zhou Baowei was dead inside.
"I'm triggered, I'm angry. I'm going to cosplay as a six-foot-tall life-size sunny day doll at your front doors."
Bai Bufan: "You're not six feet tall - you're not even taller than me."
Zhou Baowei paused, then roared: "Damn!!! You two are even more beastly about height! I'm never being friends with you again!"
As for why Zhou Baowei cursed so vehemently:
Being in the back row, the guys were naturally not short.
Bai Bufan was already 181cm at 15, but this guy always claimed to be only 178cm. When Lin Li asked why, he said it made those claiming to be 180cm feel awkward.
Hearing this reasoning, Lin Li was amazed.
Genius.
From then on, the lifelong learner Lin Li, being 186cm himself, always claimed to be only 183cm.
(End of Chapter)