Chapter 2: The Big Hole in My Chest
Honestly, I can't remember at all how I got home.
Today, this morning, I overheard a rumor that Sho, my best friend, has a crush on someone who just got a boyfriend.
That crush of his was, back in middle school, the most beautiful girl in our grade, always scoring first on tests, a tennis player who competed at nationals, and known in our generation as the "Perfect Girl."
Satsuki was also super aware of Kashii-san.
Kashii-san went on to the most competitive high school in the prefecture... but, well, with a girl like that, it's no surprise...
I sent a message on LINE during the day to tell Sho, and while I was thinking about how to break it to him, Satsuki dropped this bombshell on me.
I've got plenty of friends, and Satsuki isn't everything to me.
Even so, the ones who take up the biggest space in my heart are my best friend Sho and my ex, Satsuki.
Supporting Sho through his chaotic romantic comedy-like days, slowly nurturing my feelings with Satsuki, and going all out with my classmates at events and school activities—that was my middle school life.
I believed that, even if the shape changed, similar days would continue.
But, I'm at my limit... Sho, I... I can't think straight.
I'm done for.
That's all I manage to type.
I spaced out for a while.
"Kousuke?"
"..."
How long was I like that?
When I came to, my room was pitch black.
In front of me was Sho, looking awful.
Just an ordinary guy, no matter when you look at him.
But he's a man like a warrior. A kind man with a fiery soul and rare sincerity.
My one and only best friend since childhood is looking at me with concern.
Don't make that face, man.
"Kousuke!"
My best friend is shaken.
I haven't even said the thing that would really shake him yet, have I?
"...Ah, Sh-Sho, is that you...?"
My voice is hoarse... What's this, it's hard to speak?
My stutter is coming out again.
I don't want to talk, but I have to. The stutter, it's coming out... No, it's Sho, so it's okay.
Sho won't make fun of me... not like Satsuki did.
"...I-I-I heard a rumor that K-Kashii, Kashii-san got a boyfriend..."
"...I actually just heard about it too..."
"...B-But it's not confirmed yet, right, Sho?"
I always try to stay calm and conscious not to stutter when I talk, but today, I just can't.
I'm pretty sure that girl likes Sho. Maybe it's just a false rumor?
Sho's face darkens, but still,
"...I heard it too, so it's probably true. More importantly, what's wrong with you, Kousuke!"
Sho is always like this. He cares more about others than himself.
...But I'm at my limit too.
"...S-S-Satsuki... you know? She... started dating another... guy... Yesterday, yesterday, yesterday, she said it was her first time with him... Hahaha! I don't even know what I'm saying."
A phrase from a Sandwich Man gag.
It's one of Sho's catchphrases. Actually, I often mimic him. Sounds like Sho, right?
Sho turns on the light in my room, closes the curtains tightly, and—did he ask Mom?—brings in warm tea for the two of us, then leans against the wall in the corner of the room.
"Spit out everything you want to say, everything you're feeling. I'm listening."
I start talking, my grammar and thoughts all over the place.
It's like I'm vomiting.
Stumbling over my words again and again, choking on them.
Even so, there's still something left deep in my heart.
Sho mutters, repeating what I've said.
Kousuke's understated beauty of a girlfriend, Mishima Satsuki, always thought of herself as one of the top-tier girls, and with her high school enrollment, she made her high school debut!
She cut her hair, started wearing flashy makeup, and wore her uniform sloppily.
The pure girl quickly transformed into a flashy one!
In her new school, she lost herself trying to be someone different, and fell head over heels for a flashy, experienced guy?
...And today, she told Mishima Satsuki that yesterday she was embraced by that sleazy guy, and to never talk to her again?
Damn it!!
Sho is pissed off.
Sho basically never badmouths anyone.
Even with the scheming, good-looking guy he's clashed with multiple times and absolutely hates, he still always acknowledges something good about him. He's that kind of soft-hearted guy.
And yet?
He's cursing Satsuki to hell and back?
He's angrier than I am, and I'm just stunned.
"Kousuke, let's go to her house right now and tell her family that their daughter has become a dirty, perverted kappa!"
He's getting mad for my sake. That makes me kind of happy.
But seeing my precious best friend insult my precious ex is really painful.
Sho is a man who understands the pain in people's hearts.
So he talks to me about all sorts of things, considering my feelings. I'm too exhausted to talk, so I just listen quietly.
Sho says,
"...I'm slow to pick up on things, so it took me a while. Sorry, Kousuke. Let me hear it, okay? It wasn't all bad, right? Tell me about the fun, happy memories you had... even if it's too late, tell me, okay?"
Hot tears stream down my face like a torrent.
That thing I felt earlier, lingering deep in my heart, erupts like a swirling storm of emotions.
That murky flood is like a dam bursting, a rush of feelings.
It started at a Christmas party in fifth grade, when I sat next to Mishima Satsuki for the first time.
Building memories and connections day by day.
We started dating in middle school, going on dates at the station or the riverside park, shopping at the terminal station, studying together to get into the same high school, and we both passed!
On graduation day, we had our first kiss in the library of the middle school in front of my house, and at the entrance ceremony, we walked in holding hands...
Those were such wonderful days.
I'm angry, I feel betrayed, I never want to see her again!
...But I loved her! I can't sort out my feelings yet.
I can't bring myself to hate her!
I didn't even understand it myself, but with my best friend's help, I did a deep clean of my heart.
After letting out all the anger, hatred, sadness, jealousy, and dark emotions in a flood, all that's left are the beautiful memories.
The memories of happy days, like clippings from a photo album, hurt my heart and wound me more than the dark emotions from earlier.
Even so,
The last drop squeezed from my heart is
"I loved you so much, thank you."
Sho doesn't say anything more.
Thank you, really.
Because Sho was here, I could reach this state of mind.
I know, I'll probably relapse soon, have flashbacks, and won't be able to move on for a while.
But thanks to Sho, I could see deep into my own heart.
My heart still hurts, it's sad, it's painful, it's pathetic, and I'll probably still be angry.
I might see Satsuki again, be shown off to, or have my heart's wounds reopened.
But even if it takes time, I'm sure I'll recover.
"...S-Sorry, I'm taking tomorrow off. But the day after, I'll be back to normal. Just tomorrow, I probably won't be able to reply or anything."
"That's fine, two days, three days, whatever you need."
Sho laughs as he heads home.
Wait, is he crying?
I can tell because we've known each other for so long.
I'm really glad Sho was there for me.
Ironically, both my best friend and I had our love end at the same time.
Though our high school life has only just begun.