No, How Can an Atheist Become a Saintess!? – 88
EP.88 Boundaries and Barriers (6)
“So, I mean… You took me places, bought me things, treated me to such delicious food…”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Ria sounded as if she was about to add a "Good job" at the end of that.
“But all I did in return was complain the whole time…”
“No, that’s not it. I don’t care about that. If that actually bothered me, do you think I would’ve brought you all the way here?”
“…Is that so?”
“Of course it is. Even if you were friendless, you wouldn't wear something someone you disliked chose, right?”
“Ah, no, that’s not what I meant.”
Though, to be fair, it did sting a little to be called friendless so casually. It was true that in this world, Ria and the people I met through her were pretty much the only ones I could call friends. And in my past life, I hadn’t exactly been overflowing with them either.
“…Ah, no, I mean, that’s not what I was trying to say.”
Noticing something in my expression, Ria flailed slightly, clearly scrambling to correct herself.
Even so, she didn’t remove her hands from my face.
“Having no friends isn’t a big deal, you know. Especially when the people around you were all jerks anyway.”
“…Is that so?”
I asked skeptically, and Ria nodded with conviction.
“Yeah. Aside from the ones who admired you, most of them downright hated you. It was all jealousy.”
“……”
I stared at her, momentarily at a loss for words.
For some reason, Ria seemed flustered now, fumbling through her words like she was trying to justify herself.
She still hadn’t let go of my cheeks.
And with a face slightly flushed, she leaned in—not right up to my nose, but still close enough to be a little overwhelming.
Her expression was one I had never seen before, not even in the novel. Somehow, seeing that made all the frustration I had been wrestling with throughout the day start to unravel. I wasn’t sure why.
Maybe it was the thought that Ria—who always kept her composure, who never lost her cool—was showing me a face that she had likely never shown to anyone else. The whole swimsuit embarrassment thing? Suddenly, it didn’t seem all that important anymore.
“Look, didn’t I tell you before? You have talent. Hand-to-hand combat, shooting, and all that."
“I did.”
I answered evenly, but Ria still seemed impatient.
“I mean, it’s not like you’re the best in the world or anything. You’re not some kind of prodigy or whatever. But compared to most people, you’re really talented.”
Her words were awkward. Like someone who was terrible at lying, yet trying their hardest to hype up the person in front of them.
She almost seemed like a child. Even though she was taller than me, more mature in many ways—right now, she seemed so much younger.
“You do have something you’re the best at,” Ria’s voice softened slightly. “That’s why they were jealous. You’re not ordinary at all. If anything, you’re special. And the fact that you keep rejecting that? It just made you seem even more special to them.”
“So, are you saying they were jealous of me and just tried to get back at me by showing off the things they were better at?”
I asked with a slight smile, and Ria quickly nodded.
“Yes, exactly! That’s what I’m saying. I mean, where in the world is there a genius who’s good at everything? I’m not some amazing shooter, and I can’t even use divine power like you. Actually, you’re probably the only person in existence who can bring someone back from the brink of death and restore them completely. If there were anyone else, I would’ve heard of them.”
“……”
“So what I’m saying is, you don’t have to listen to those kinds of people. And hey, I used to get praised for having some talent in swordsmanship, so—”
“Ria.”
“—you really shouldn’t take their words to heart.”
“Ria. It’s okay.”
“What I wanted to say is—”
“Ria.”
I gently placed my hand over hers, still resting on my face. Then, slowly, I removed her right hand from my cheek.
Ria looked slightly dazed. Like she wasn’t quite sure what I was thinking.
I took that hand in both of mine, holding it softly.
“I understand now. What you were trying to tell me.”
It had been a little clumsy. But that was okay. If anything, because it was clumsy, I could tell how genuine it was. I could feel just how much she meant it.
The clumsy one here… was me. Even after everything she did for me, all I could think about was how I owed her, how I needed to repay her.
I hadn’t allowed myself to just accept her kindness. I had grumbled instead of expressing how I felt, and when it finally came down to it, I apologized for my own reaction rather than simply appreciating what she did for me.
All of it… was because I hadn’t fully accepted her sincerity.
“…Thank you.”
I spoke softly, smiling as I gently ran my fingers over her hand.
On Ria’s right hand, the friendship ring I had given her earlier was still there. She could have taken it off and worn it as a pendant after we finished swimming, but she had chosen to keep it on. The ring still gave off a faint glow, infused with my divine power.
I had put the ring on her hand on purpose. Maybe… I had been jealous of Ria’s other friends. The ones she had before she met me, who might have been better than me in some ways. After all, Ria only became friends with me because she had been forced into the convent.
“……”
Ria had fallen completely silent. Her face had turned red, and she was just staring at me.
I thought carefully about how I could express my gratitude. Then, one particular method came to mind. It was something I had seen in church, a formal way to express gratitude. Of course, it wasn’t something nuns typically did with each other. If anything, doing it between nuns would only invite misunderstandings. It was… crossing a line. Perhaps even stepping beyond the boundary I had drawn for myself.
I let a playful expression creep onto my face.
I didn’t think of this as a way to repay my debt to Ria. If anything, as another woman, she might even find it a little unsettling. But still—this was the only way I could think of to fully express what I was feeling.
Slowly, I lowered my head. At the same time, I gently pulled Ria’s hand closer to my face. Softly, I pressed my lips against the back of her hand. Her palm and fingers had a few callouses from training, but her hand was still warm and soft. The back of it, likely protected by armor most of the time, was even smoother.
For a brief moment, I remained still, lips barely touching her skin. The warmth of her hand seeped into my lips. Then, I pulled away and looked up at her again.
Ria was staring at me, dazed—so much so that she didn’t even seem to notice that her left hand, which had been resting against my face, had slipped away.
“…Thank you. For today. Really.”
“……Huh?”
It was only after I spoke that Ria finally blinked and responded.
Her voice was so full of confusion that I almost felt like the question mark at the end wasn’t enough to capture it.
“Uh, uh… Uhhhhh… Y-yeah.”
For a while, she just made incoherent sounds as if her brain had short-circuited. Then, after struggling for a moment, she finally managed to form a response.
……
Ah.
Now I’m starting to feel a little flustered. When am I supposed to let go of her hand?
Holding her hand, looking at the ring, and kissing the back of her hand had all felt natural in the moment—but now I had no idea what to do next. Not that I regretted any of it. I had crossed a line, but it wasn’t something irreparable. Ria hadn’t yanked her hand away in shock, after all.
As we stared at each other in a lingering silence—
A soft glow suddenly fell over my face. Not the warm lighting of the elegant restaurant we were in, but something distinctly different.
Both Ria and I immediately raised a hand toward the light.
In an instant, the glow that had been shining down on me dispersed into wisps of smoke and disappeared.
…Uh.
Maybe I did go a bit too far.
“……Ha.”
Even after chasing away the light, Ria stood still for a moment, dazed.
Then—
“Hahaha!”
She suddenly burst into laughter.
“……Pfft.”
Seeing her laugh like that, I couldn’t help but chuckle too.
Standing up from her seat, Ria grinned and said,
“Well then, I take it you have no complaints about the steak?”
“Of course not. The steak is innocent. If there was any wrongdoing, it’d be on us, not the food.”
“That doesn't sound very convincing.”
“I wasn’t trying to be convincing.”
I responded with a playful pout before picking up my fork and knife again.
With my heart feeling so much lighter—
—the steak tasted absolutely incredible.
*
As she chewed the tender meat, Chae-eun felt her heart grow unbelievably light.
How should she put it?
That icy wall that always seemed to rise in front of Anna… it felt like it had melted, even if just a little.
She kept noticing her right hand as she cut into her steak.
At the time, she hadn’t fully processed the feeling, but—
Perhaps the sensation she had once felt against her lips was not so different from what she had just felt on the back of her hand—
……
What was she even thinking?
Shaking her head, Chae-eun quickly brushed away the distracting thoughts and focused on her meal.
The two of them finished every last bite of their steaks, leaving barely a drop of sauce behind.
And when dessert arrived, they didn’t leave a single crumb.
The dessert wine was only sipped sparingly at Anna’s request—
which Chae-eun found somewhat disappointing.