“Why does this taste so good? I still don’t know.”
Was I drunk?
From my perspective, I didn’t feel drunk. It was a slightly warm, pleasant feeling.
However, saying I wasn’t drunk might as well have been the classic line of someone whose judgment was already impaired by alcohol—based on past experiences, the fact that this ice cream tasted particularly good was a sign I was indeed intoxicated.
It was a sort of self-developed method to measure alcohol levels. If mint chocolate tasted exceptionally good, the first step was to consider my menstrual cycle—if it tasted excessively good even though it wasn’t just before my period, it meant it was time to go to bed quietly.
Fortunately, it wasn’t excessively good yet. It was delicious, but I still had enough self-control.
So, maybe… I could drink a bit more.
It wasn’t often that I went out.
“… If you like it, that’s what matters! Originally, chocolate is a bit heavy, so it goes well with refreshing mint.”
While I was mulling over it alone, a voice suddenly interrupted my thoughts.
My head reflexively turned, and my vision slightly wavered. It felt like my brain couldn’t keep up, as if there was a lag in reality.
… Maybe I was drunk after all.
The slightly blurry view captured a face filled with subtle worry. A look I wouldn’t have recognized in the past.
Why did they seem so uneasy?
Thinking I was the cause didn’t make me dislike it, but the feeling of guilt came first. I didn’t want to burden anyone, after all.
However—
Just as Jinhee, with her awkward smile, never openly expressed her concern, I too refrained from saying there was nothing to worry about—it was an unspoken agreement between us.
“Do you like it too, Jinhee?”
We simply continued the conversation as usual.
“Yes! I have it from time to time.”
As she spoke, her gaze lingered on my lips.
… Did she actually want some? Why didn’t she say something?
It seemed like she hadn’t touched it with her lips, but still, one bite… No, maybe not after all.
Even among women, sharing food lightly wasn’t something I’d fully grasped, despite almost a year passing. My limited social interactions left me lacking experience and knowledge.
When unsure, safety was better.
I withdrew my half-extended hand.
Like with my home… Jinhee, though not as much as Revan, liked things neat. Offering her something I had already eaten didn’t seem right.
“… You should have said something. I could have bought you one. I receive so much from you and don’t get to repay you enough.”
Looking back on it, our relationship was indeed one where I received a lot. I would always go to her when I had worries, and she would help, in her own way.
But no matter what I asked for, there was never a bill, and I never got a chance to repay her. Was it because she didn’t expect anything from me? Or…
Was there something, anything I could do for her?
“By the way, about the cosplay… Are you really going to make me do it?”
“Well. I’m kind of changing my mind. The idea of becoming Sculcanariamon is a bit scary. If I make you do it but can’t tease you as much as I want, it’d be putting the cart before the horse. Still… it’s a bit disappointing. I think I should have you do it at least once, since I don’t know when there will be another chance.”
Even as I answered, I was contemplating what kind of gift would be appropriate for her. Honestly… I’d never really given a gift to a female friend. And suddenly handing over something usually meant for a girlfriend seemed a bit…
Thinking that Jinhee would be great at offering advice on such dilemmas, but finding the irony amusing, I continued to consider my options.
“… So you wanted to see Shihoon oppa in cosplay that badly, huh? I didn’t know.”
It seemed like my distraction was apparent.
Her response was quite explicitly mixed with dissatisfaction. With a stern expression, she bit her lower lip, and her narrowed eyes squinted even more.
Finding it difficult to meet her eyes, I cautiously averted my gaze again.
… It’s not something to get this angry about… No, I don’t have the right to say that. Still… something. Isn’t she acting a lot different than usual?
I felt like I should apologize, but my lips wouldn’t move easily. Saying, “Sorry for being distracted”, would sound weird. Besides, I wasn’t even sure if she was actually angry because I was distracted.
Knowing Jinhee’s personality, if I apologized lightly without knowing the reason for her anger, she would hate it even more.
Lost in thought, the heavy silence lingered endlessly as we walked back to the pub.
In front of the stairs. Jinhee’s face, which I checked desperately from the corner of my eye, remained hardened. She even looked slightly sad.
Given the context, there wasn’t a sudden reason for such an expression…
Ah.
Could it be—
I wondered if the Woodsman might have successfully made a move in the meantime. If she had feelings for him, she wouldn’t be pleased hearing about me cosplaying with Revan.
But it was too cautious to ask directly.
“I’m good at giving relationship advice.”
I gently threw out the bait.
Containing the message, “I’m an ally, not a rival.”
“Really? Then give me some advice! Actually, recently, I’ve been a bit confused about…someone I like.”
Jinhee’s lips, which had been tightly shut, loosened, and her voice softened again—seems I was correct.
The result exceeded my expectations. Finally, something… Hm.
“Yes. I, well, know a lot about men’s psychology. Trust me, I really do.”
I might know the most among women. Though I’m not sure. But definitely.
“Even though you’ve never had a boyfriend.”
“…I have my reasons. Anyway… Shall we go up?”
I couldn’t explain why.
Still, I should give incredible advice.
.
.
.
Back in our seats.
“So, what’s your relationship with this person you’re confused about?”
“A fellow broadcaster.”
After silently downing two glasses of alcohol each, the conversation began and quickly headed towards a conclusion.
As expected.
It seemed the Woodsman had finally succeeded.
No matter how widely connected Jinhee was as “Ark”, the number of male broadcasters she interacted with frequently enough to pique someone’s interest could be counted on one hand. There’s no way she’d be having a fling with a married man…
Indeed. My eyes were not wrong.
“You have a rather smug expression, don’t you?”
“… This is frustrating.”
“That’s almost an automatic response, huh? No need for a lie detector here.”
Jinhee laughed softly. It was a pretty smile. Despite her attractive yet slightly androgynous face, whenever she smiled like that, she looked like an innocent and pure young girl.
Even Revan would probably fall for her if he saw this.
“Do you have any particular reason for hesitating?”
“Yeah, I do. Just- I’m scared that if I approach thoughtlessly, I’ll get pushed away… Scared, yes. Scared. Maybe… No, definitely. Definitely, they only thinks of me as a friend.”
Who knows? It’s not like it’s impossible. You could be a bit more confident. With that face.
Although it felt awkward, perhaps a little praise might be in order.
* * * *
“Who knows, maybe that person likes you too, Jinhee. You’re, um, you’re so pretty. He must feel the same.”
“… You really don’t know, do you? But- it feels good to hear! Say it once more.”
“Maybe that person likes you too, Jinhee.”
“Not that part, the end.”
“He must feel the same.”
“A bit before that.”
“You’re so.”
“… Are you doing this on purpose?”
“… Your expression is scary. Anyone would misunderstand and think you’re mad.”
“It’s not a misunderstanding.”
“… This is tasty. Here.”
Just moments ago, her heart was so troubled, but where had all those feelings gone?
If she let her guard down even a little, she’d end up grinning stupidly. Just a few words made her heart flutter, and her ears twitched at the tone mixed with a small laugh—
“I really… I really like you.”
Sighing with a bittersweet smile, Jinhee couldn’t help but acknowledge the feelings she wanted to hide even from herself.
But—
What meaning could there be in a love that would never be reciprocated?
The person she liked turned out to be the same gender, and hoping that this person might coincidentally be interested in the same gender too? Jinhee was optimistic, but not to such a reckless extent.
Yet, she couldn’t let go of hope.
‘She did say she had a girlfriend… But maybe it was a joke? Yeah. Saying random things to make me embarrassed, this isn’t the first time. If I keep hoping… If I keep hoping…’
It would have been better if she hadn’t made such jokes. After all, isn’t it said that hope is the most painful? In all honesty, Jinhee felt a bit resentful towards Yena, who was sitting across the table.
Although she shouldn’t, and she didn’t have the right to—
Love is inherently unreasonable. Both for the one who gives and the one who receives.
“Rather, rather-”
Every heartbeat that echoed felt like alcohol-fueled blood coursing through her entire body. The sensation made it incredibly hard to suppress the urge to reach out immediately, to control the surging emotions that felt like they might burst out at any moment. As she bit down lightly on her lower lip, hardening her expression, Lee Yena, who had slightly withdrawn, handed her a piece of meat and leaned forward again. Her eyes that slowly assessed the situation implied she clearly was being cautious.
Then, noticing Jinhee’s cup was two-thirds full, Yena filled it to the brim once again and neatly folded her trembling hands, as if searching for something else to occupy them. She quietly fiddled with the glass in front of her.
Where had the person who eagerly filled the glass and downed it gone?
Putting on a nonchalant act, yet always scared at moments like this.
‘……Truly……I can’t hate her.’
No, in fact, come to think of it, there was no reason to hate. It was clear that all the expectations and misunderstandings had been Jinhee’s alone.
Despite this—seeing Yena struggle like that, Jinhee found the sight so irresistibly cute that she wanted to keep watching. Or perhaps it was the rising sense of revenge for all the past grievances that stewed within her.
Or maybe—though she never wanted to admit—could it be the jealousy filling her heart?
“Yena, eat.”
The voice that escaped Jinhee’s lips was brusque and tinged with sharpness, even surprising herself.
Placing the meat back on Yena’s plate with a neutral expression, she watched Yena flinch, as if the meat had some repelling force, and shrink back. Yena’s usually lazy eyes widened, seemingly shocked by the rejection.
Jinhee momentarily imagined tears spilling from those big eyes. It would surely be a heart-wrenching sight, but knowing she caused it—
A little bit, no, a lot—
“It’s just because! I ate too much!”
It was an exclamation thrown out to cut off that flow of painful imaginings.
If she let such thoughts spread, it felt like she might reach places she shouldn’t.
“I’m not mad. Really. It’s just…my thoughts are complicated, my stomach is full.”
Even so, it wasn’t a lie. Truly.
Anger had long evaporated without a trace.
Even if she was angry, she definitely wouldn’t have wanted to waste time showing it.
This was precious, valuable time.
Arguably cruelly so.
Gulp.
Jinhee lifted the glass in front of her, sipping slowly while keeping her gaze fixed on Yena’s slightly trembling eyes.
‘Yes. Even the happiness that drips like drops is happiness. Little by little, even just a little bit…’
It was enough. Surviving by licking the drops of water. Greeding for a full gulp would be too much. Moreover, the greed might end up hurting Yena.
From her perspective, that would indeed be terrible.
Really.
As Jinhee sighed softly and murmured an apology.
“……Sorry.”
“Wanna head for third round at my place? It’s nearby.”
The suggestion overlapped with her murmur, a much-welcome offer.