“…Do you have a plan?”
Yoo Ha-neul responded immediately.
“Well, I’m not sure.”
I thought for a moment.
Actually, I had been thinking about it all night.
Thanks to that, I had a vague idea of when my personal maid would crawl into bed with me.
After watching for a long time, making sure I had fallen asleep, Shin So-hee quietly and slowly got up and slipped into bed.
Well, I didn’t think badly of it.
In the first place, I didn’t think badly of the person who had become so close to Shin So-hee, so I just let it be.
If the relationship between people had changed when I returned it, that would be disrespectful in its own way.
After all, they had worked hard to build this kind of relationship.
It even felt like having a jealous younger sister… which was kind of cute.
I never had a younger sibling, but it seemed like someone had mentioned that kind of thing before.
Anyway, so I did come up with an idea.
“Medicine.”
“…Medicine? What do you mean?”
Seeing Yoo Ha-neul’s immediate negative reaction to my words, it seemed clear she had seen the will.
Yoo Ha-neul’s gaze narrowed instantly as she looked at me.
The fragile appearance from yesterday, as if she might crumble at any moment, was no longer there.
Perhaps it was because she thought this body belonged to her friend.
I shrugged my shoulders and spoke.
“You know when I regained my memories, right?”
It was also the moment I lost my memories at the same time.
“The day I met Chairwoman Choi Na-kyung.”
She didn’t even use honorifics anymore.
Well, I understand.
I might be the only one who wanted to call that person ‘mother’ with such extreme honorifics.
It’s a strange feeling.
I used to long for her so much just by thinking about her before.
I used to hate her so much.
Maybe it was because that person had been staying in my body.
I felt as if those emotions had slightly faded.
As if only the bad parts had left me.
“…Yes.”
I realized that I had unconsciously placed my hand over my chest, and then I slowly lowered my hand as I spoke.
“After facing her, I regained my memories. Why do you think that is?”
“…Because she was the only one who could connect you to this world.”
It seemed she had heard everything.
That must mean that person trusted these children that much.
In that case, shouldn’t I at least pretend to trust them too?
“Yes, that’s right. So, what do you think connects this ‘Sara’ to the world?”
“Connect Sara to the world?”
Yoo Ha-neul asked back.
“Exactly. I found the thread that connected me to this world and pulled on it to regain my memories. So, what connects ‘Sara’ to the world?”
“…”
Yoo Ha-neul hesitated for a while, then blushed as if she was incredibly embarrassed.
“Well, maybe it’s… us?”
Seeing Yoo Ha-neul’s expression, I could somewhat understand why ‘Sara’ liked her.
She had such an expressive face.
Not that I was falling in love or anything.
“Really? Are you sure?”
I asked, and Yoo Ha-neul was silent for a moment.
That silence felt frustrating, so I spoke first.
“Want to try an experiment?”
“Huh…”
At my words, Yoo Ha-neul looked completely bewildered.
Without saying anything, I slightly spread my arms.
“…Seriously? Here?”
Yoo Ha-neul asked again, looking unsure.
I silently nodded while keeping my arms open.
“…”
Awkwardly, Yoo Ha-neul approached and gently hugged me.
There was a few seconds of awkward silence.
“…Sara?”
“Hmm?”
“Did you… come back?”
For a moment, I considered teasing her but instead sighed deeply and answered.
“No.”
“…”
Yoo Ha-neul quickly pulled away.
I wondered if it was really necessary to be so embarrassed when she and I were using the same body.
…No, no.
Even thinking that might be rude.
After all, both what she was thinking and what I was thinking ultimately pointed to the fact that she and I were different people.
“Actually, I thought that might be the case.”
I spoke quietly.
I had hoped, but I had already hugged Shin So-hee and Lee Soo-ah several times.
My mind remained the same each time.
If these three were the ones connecting that person to the world, I would have already returned deep within.
“…”
Yoo Ha-neul, her face still flushed red, avoided my gaze.
“What I was thinking was a little different.”
I grabbed the rooftop railing and looked up at the sky.
It was warm enough now that I could almost call it spring.
Well, it was nearly April, after all.
“…Do you know where the pill bottle I left in the drawer went?”
“Well, I think Yang Hye-in…”
Yoo Ha-neul trailed off mid-sentence and quickly shut her mouth.
Then she glared at me.
“Don’t tell me, it’s the method I’m thinking of?”
“It’s probably the method you’re thinking of.”
I lowered my gaze.
People were running on the field below.
A male student with dyed yellow hair was kicking a ball in the distance.
Yes, I met someone like that over the past week.
I followed the kids, and they made me run out of nowhere, which was incredibly exhausting.
I couldn’t tell from seeing the faces here whether someone was the one I was thinking of.
After all, I couldn’t see any light here.
Yes, light.
Up until now, I had never seen so many faces with light.
Back when I was young, my mother’s face used to shine.
My father’s face also shone before he passed away.
Now, I understand what that light means.
It’s the face of someone who will change my life.
Given that the light disappeared from my mother’s face after she locked me away, it’s certain.
After my life changed, it meant that things would continue the same way.
Yes, it was a special ability that made people look like saints in religious paintings, but the fact that everyone I saw shining didn’t always bring me positive outcomes.
That’s why, even after seeing the light on these three faces, I couldn’t trust them.
…They might have been people like my mother.
“How much do you know? Do you know I took the pills?”
“…I know the bottle was half-empty.”
“Really? Then this will be quick.”
I slightly turned my body to face Yoo Ha-neul directly as I spoke.
“I took the pills that day. Normally, I should have died.”
“…”
Yoo Ha-neul’s mouth dropped open in shock.
“But I woke up. Though the person who woke up wasn’t ‘me.’”
No matter how much I thought about it, it didn’t make sense.
Sure, I can understand surviving.
Maybe the pills weren’t enough.
Perhaps I hadn’t reached the lethal dose, and I was taken to the hospital, barely surviving.
But the idea that my personality changed because of the pills?
That didn’t make sense.
It wasn’t just a simple memory issue.
If I had lost years of memory, I would have simply become a younger version of myself.
But the person who lived in my body as a different personality did things that required a full understanding of the situation I was in.
As much as science has yet to reveal about the human brain, this was so overt that it could only be called fantasy.
“So, this is what I started thinking. Maybe what connected that person to this world wasn’t ‘life’ but ‘death’.”
To be more specific, my death.
*
“…”
Yoo Ha-neul stared at ‘Sara’, speechless for a long time.
What on earth is she saying…?
“So, are you saying you want to try dying again?”
In a moment of agitation, I blurted out those words.
I wouldn’t have said that in front of Sara.
But I couldn’t help it.
Sara had cared for her so much.
She had arranged everything and even gave up her life.
And now, this girl was saying she would gamble her life again.
…But deep inside, another part of Yoo Ha-neul quietly pricked at her heart.
Just hear her out.
What if she’s right?
…Could she be?
Is she really saying this to bring Sara back?
Or, could it be that she just wants to finally give up?
For the past week, ‘Sara’ seemed to have been enjoying herself.
Yoo Ha-neul had seen the will, and she remembered what Sara had told her.
It wasn’t exactly one hundred percent what she had said—
One hundred percent?
Really?
Another voice inside Yoo Ha-neul’s heart whispered again.
‘If you had been thinking that way, you wouldn’t have said that to ‘Sara’ in the first place.
No matter how hard it was, you would have kept that promise.
Isn’t it selfish to be saying all this because of that selfishness?
Because you want to see Sara again?’
“…”
With that thought, Yoo Ha-neul closed her mouth once more.
“Calm down.”
‘Sara’ looked at Yoo Ha-neul with a wry smile and said.
“I don’t plan on taking it recklessly. I just wondered, ‘What if?’”
“…Then?”
Yet, despite hearing that, a small hope was sprouting in the corner of my heart.
“I want to meet that person, not die again. First, I need to confirm if taking it would really not kill me.”
“…Is there a way to confirm that?”
“No.”
‘Sara’ replied bluntly.
“If you look at it scientifically, there’s no way. That pill will definitely kill you if you take enough. But.”
“But?”
“If I really did die after taking it, there should be a record of me being taken to the hospital, right? Someone would have treated me, and there must have been people at the hospital that day.”
“Ah…”
My heart started pounding.
“Let’s start from there.”
‘Sara’ said.
“…”
Yoo Ha-neul stared at her for a while before speaking.
“…It might seem strange that I’m saying this.”
“Hmm?”
“Why did you start thinking that way? That you wanted to meet her.”
“Ah, that.”
‘Sara’ turned around again.
Then, she quietly looked down at the students running in the distance.
“It’s simple.”
Then she shrugged her shoulders once.
“It’s annoying. My life changed like this, but I don’t even know why.”
“…”
Yoo Ha-neul stared at ‘Sara’ as she answered.
Maybe, following her words is the wrong choice.
‘Sara’ moved for ‘Sara’, and in the end, she achieved her goal.
As written in the will, she gave Sara a happy week.
And it was up to the friends around her to make sure that week lasted.
…But what if we follow this method, and ‘Sara’ disappears?
No, the worst-case scenario would be bringing back the Sara I knew at the cost of ‘Sara’.
…That would be unbearable.
Yes, that would be unbearable.
Sacrificing someone else because of my selfishness, that was unacceptable.
But—
But, I want to see her.
The thought of never seeing her again was so sad I couldn’t even get up.
That’s why.
…
My heart kept pounding heavily.
Yoo Ha-neul had felt this sensation before.
When she decided to take the entrance exam for this school.
When she first spoke to Sara.
When she walked beside Sara and felt happiness.
It was the feeling she had whenever she made a choice she wouldn’t regret.
“…Alright.”
Yoo Ha-neul nodded.
“I’ll help you.”
Once again, Yoo Ha-neul decided to trust her instinct.