Translator: Elisia
Editor/Proofreader: SemiPickle
━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━
Time passed.
One day, two days, three days, four days.
And even more.
I had gotten used to waiting alone at home.
Enough time had passed that it wouldn’t be strange if Si-Hoo had already finished what he was working on.
"...There wasn’t any."
Si-Hoo came back early in the morning after staying out all night.
This time, he didn’t look good.
Somehow, his expression seemed gloomy.
"Huh?"
"There wasn’t any cure."
There was no cure.
Did that mean he had to keep taking the drug?
"...Then?"
"It’s a failure."
Failure.
Si-Hoo rarely used the word failure.
What exactly had failed for him to say this?
Would it be right to encourage him, saying he could do it?
"Failure..."
"It can’t be cured. I’m sorry."
Seeing Si-Hoo speak so helplessly made me feel sorry for him.
I had told him it was okay to give up, but now that he actually seemed to be considering it, it hurt even more.
"Then, you won’t need to go out anymore?"
"Yeah. Not for a while. I’ve already tried most of what I wanted to do."
"Then you can stay with me?"
"Yeah."
"Wow..."
Was this something to celebrate?
At any rate, it seemed like there would be no more times when he went out and did something behind my back.
No more meeting with other people either.
All the waiting had been worth it.
At some point, I often found myself unconsciously holding a kitchen knife in my hand.
But at least I had somehow managed to keep my head straight.
He wouldn’t be meeting that woman called the Saintess anymore either, right?
That was a relief.
Si-Hoo had overcome it.
He had definitely escaped from that bad person.
"But don’t we have a lot of drugs? I don’t get what you mean when you say you couldn’t find a cure."
If the drugs weren’t a cure, then what were they?
"Yeah, we do have a lot. Since I own a production facility..."
He said something difficult to understand.
"Then isn’t that a good thing?"
"......"
The atmosphere became strange.
What should I do?
How could I lighten the mood?
Maybe we should eat breakfast.
"Ah, do you want to eat? I’ll make something."
I tried to smile as naturally as possible.
"Sure. Thanks."
Si-Hoo answered indifferently.
He sat down at the dining table and stared blankly at his fingers.
Then, with a soft thud, he placed something on the table.
"Si-Hoo...?"
I asked cautiously.
"What’s that?"
"A drug."
"Ah..."
So he really was sick.
"It’s a syringe. You just stick it into your body. You have to throw it away after using it two or three times, though."
"What kind of drug is that...?"
"If I want to get a cure, I have to research it myself. Consistently."
He said something incomprehensible.
Anxiety welled up inside me.
Instead of food, drugs were now sitting on the table.
"Are you okay...? I think you should just go to sleep."
He had been out all night doing something, so he must be tired.
Maybe going straight to bed would be better.
"I’m fine. I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry about me."
"Mm."
Then, he continued taking out syringes.
One, two, three, four...
Five.
"Are you going to use all of those?"
"Yeah."
"But that’s several days’ worth, isn’t it?"
"It’s my morning dose."
Wasn’t that way too much?
Even from a third-person perspective, that was excessive.
No matter what kind of drug it was, injecting five syringes in a row didn’t seem normal.
"...Why?"
"I’m trying to find a cure. I’m just doing at home what I used to do outside."
"O-Oh."
I supposed it was better than him doing something in secret outside.
That was a good thing, right?
Watching him use the drug made me feel strange.
He jabbed the syringe into his skin.
Then, staggering, he got up from his seat.
"Are you okay?"
"......"
He didn’t say anything.
"Si-Hoo?"
"...[Purify]."
Si-Hoo looked at me with an annoyed expression.
"Ah, sorry. I must’ve been bothering you."
I shouldn’t interfere.
He jabbed himself with the syringe again.
No matter how I looked at it, this didn’t seem like a normal drug.
So the needle marks on Si-Hoo’s arm were from this.
But just now, he had said "Purify."
If it was poison, he wouldn’t need purification, right?
Was there something bad in the drug?
Then shouldn’t he purify it right away?
I didn’t understand why he was dragging this out.
None of it made sense, but there was nothing I could do.
About five minutes later, Si-Hoo finally spoke again.
"...[Purify]."
Then, another jab.
Thud.
By the time he injected the last syringe, nearly an hour had passed without him using the purification skill.
***
Si-Hoo had fallen asleep.
It seemed like he had forced himself to sleep using some kind of skill.
He barely touched the food I had prepared.
There were a lot of things to worry about, but at least he was here with me.
I didn’t know what he had failed to do outside, but in the end, he was staying home now, so that was all that mattered.
I pulled the blanket over him.
I should sleep next to him too.
I swallowed the pill Si-Hoo had given me and made a spot next to him.
I lay down at a slight distance so I wouldn’t wake him or disturb him.
"Hehe..."
I could feel a faint warmth.
It reminded me of the past.
I could sleep peacefully again.
And for the first time in a while, I had a dream.
In the dream, everyone was happy.
Si-Hoo was smiling.
A silver-haired girl was sitting on a chair next to him, chatting away.
There was also a strange girl with braided hair, and another girl with blue hair.
Si-Hoo sure was popular.
It made me happy to see him like that.
But where was this place?
The Academy?
It seemed like it was the Academy.
The sunlight was warm.
Tiny flowers swayed in the breeze.
Si-Hoo was smiling.
Little birds fluttered into the air.
It was spring.
I should go play with Si-Hoo too.
Even if it was just a dream, so what?
With that thought, I took a step forward.
But I couldn’t move.
—You’re supposed to come here.
Where?
I turned around to ask.
Dozens of needles and blades were pointed at me.
It was a laboratory.
That monstrous place was trying to pull me in.
I had always hated needles.
A warning to run away rang loudly in my head.
I couldn’t breathe.
Run.
But my feet felt as if they were being held down, refusing to move.
It’s okay.
It’s just a dream anyway.
If I just wait a little, it’ll pass.
I only needed to wake up.
I tried to wait.
But even a second felt unbearable.
It hurt.
It was getting harder to breathe.
The needles seemed to be right in front of my eyes.
My breathing grew erratic, but I couldn’t draw in any air.
Darkness.
Just a moment ago, everything was happy. Why did it suddenly turn like this?
I couldn’t breathe.
I couldn’t inhale.
"Khak—?"
I opened my eyes.
I had woken up from the dream.
The nightmare should have ended, but I still couldn’t breathe.
Someone was choking me.
"Kgh, ugh..."
Even though the pressure wasn’t that strong, it was enough to make me struggle.
Si-Hoo was strangling me.
Why?
His eyes were half-lidded.
I gasped and weakly pounded on his arm.
Tears welled up in my eyes.
My vision darkened.
Did I do something wrong?
Was Si-Hoo trying to kill me?
I was reaching my limit.
I struggled.
I didn’t want to die like this.
Si-Hoo, Si-Hoo, Si-Hoo!
Please!
"...Seo-Ah?"
His grip loosened.
"Khah... pah... haaah... haaa... cough, cough..."
I gasped for air, breathing in raggedly.
My head spun.
I had no strength left in my body.
"...Huh?"
Si-Hoo stared down at his hands, as if he didn’t understand what he had just done.
It didn’t seem intentional.
That was enough.
"I-I must have, cough, startled you by, kgh, sleeping beside you."
It must have been a reflex because I had laid down without a word.
"I-I choked you—"
"I’ll, cough, sleep somewhere else. Good night."
"Wait, Seo-Ah. Hold on, are you okay?"
"Y-Yeah! I’m fine."
It wasn’t like I was injured.
This was nothing.
"I... what did I... I’m sorry..."
Si-Hoo looked confused.
He tried to get up.
It didn’t even seem like he was fully awake yet.
"I’m fine! Just stay lying down."
"No, I’m sorry. I knew it was dangerous for me to stay here."
Si-Hoo stood up.
And then, he started getting ready to leave.
I stopped him.
"No, no, no, no! Don’t go outside. You can just rest here, right?"
"...You saw it. You saw how weird I am."
"No, no, no, no! Don’t go. I like being choked. So don’t go."
I couldn’t let him leave.
"...What?"
It felt like he would never come back if I let him go.
I couldn’t let that happen.
"What are you even saying..."
I didn’t actually like being choked.
But struggling to breathe was still better than Si-Hoo disappearing completely.
"Anyway, don’t go outside. I’m fine."
I forced the still-confused Si-Hoo back under the blanket.
"Let’s just stay together, okay?"
"Ugh..."
Si-Hoo clutched his head as if he had a headache.
"Come on, lie down. You’ll feel better if you rest."
Maybe it was the effect of the drugs, or maybe it was some kind of skill, but Si-Hoo quickly fell asleep again.
I sat down a little further away.
I couldn’t stay too close.
I didn’t understand.
Why was I so scared of Si-Hoo leaving?
I had emotions, but I couldn’t rationalize them.
It felt like I had been abandoned in the past.
But I had no such memories.
They didn’t exist.
I had no intention of remembering my past, so those memories would never exist in the future either.
I couldn’t recall the memories that had been erased.
Each and every one of them was something dredged up from hell.
"Don’t go..."
But still, this feeling.
This urge to scream at him not to leave wouldn’t disappear.
Self-reflection. Self-reflection.
I replayed what had just happened in my mind.
Si-Hoo had tried to leave because he felt guilty.
So if he didn’t feel guilty, it would be fine.
As long as I didn’t complain, it would be okay.
Even if he choked me, he didn’t have to feel bad about it.
And the drugs.
It felt like he listened to me better when he was under the influence.
So Si-Hoo had to take the drugs.
I wouldn’t say anything about him using them.
I didn’t know what kind of drugs they were, but he said he was using them to find a cure, so they had to be good.
That’s what I decided to believe.
As long as Si-Hoo stayed home, everything was fine.
"Heh, hehe..."
Everything was fine.
That’s right.
Si-Hoo was sleeping peacefully.
There was nothing wrong.
I couldn’t sleep next to him, but still.
Nothing was wrong at all.
Everything was okay.