Chapter 202. Kairos (1)
As soon as I sat on the convenience store chair, Lee Yugeon immediately issued a stern warning to me.
“Don’t do it.”
“…Don’t eat the ramen?”
As I gazed longingly at the cup ramen I had just filled with water at the convenience store, Yugeon opened the wooden chopstick wrapper he was holding and handed it to me, replying.
“I said don’t talk. Hurry and eat the ramen before it gets soggy.”
“Jjini will die of frustration if I don’t talk for even a minute.”
“…Hyung, you’re trying to mess with my head again, just like that time, aren’t you? Making me eat something and then stirring up emotions.”
Ah, caught.
“Stop making that ‘I got caught’ face and just eat your ramen. Let’s hurry and get inside.”
Yugeon took a sip of the canned coffee I bought him. While he looked away, staring at the night sky, I focused on clearing the late-night snack in front of me with the chopsticks he had handed me, taking a big bite of the freshly cooked cup ramen.
[System Alarm: Oh, what should we do?]
[System Alarm: The system is disheartened, saying that the Chosen Regressor’s plan has been seen through…!]
Thirteen made a fuss with flapping sound effects, but I focused on devouring the food as Yugeon instructed.
[System Alarm: Did you really come because you were hungry?]
‘Of course not. I’m full.’
[System Alarm: But you’ve already eaten one cup ramen, two triangular kimbaps, one hot bar, and one ice cream bar!]
‘Exactly. Normally, I’d have two of each cup ramen and hot bars.’
[System Alarm: The system is still confused and unable to understand the Chosen Regressor’s actions….]
[System Alarm: ヾ(｡>﹏<｡)ﾉﾞ]
Jeez, just stay quiet for a bit.
I muted the noisy Thirteen by pressing Alt+F4 and emptied the last bit of soup from the cup ramen. As I started coughing from the spiciness, Yugeon, who was still gazing at the night sky, hurriedly opened a bottle of water and handed it to me.
“Are you a kid? Even Dan Haru eats more calmly.”
As I thanked Yugeon with a hand gesture and took a sip of water, the coughing finally subsided.
“Wow, I really almost choked on something spicy just now.”
“Do you want tissue?”
“Yeah. I’m done eating, should we head back? Can we throw this away inside the convenience store?”
When I stood up as if I had no regrets, Yugeon’s expression subtly changed. Watching him still leaning back against the chair, not moving for over three seconds, I felt that my plan had succeeded.
‘The late-night vibe at a convenience store… You can’t underestimate it.’
I wasn’t just spilling my secrets to Jung Siwoo here for no reason back then.
Seeing Yugeon soaked in the evening’s emotions just like I was back then, I looked up at the pitch-black Seoul sky, devoid of stars.
I teased Yugeon, who remained seated without saying anything.
“You told me not to talk, so I won’t. But…”
“……”
“If you ever feel like you want to say something, I can listen.”
“…Pfft, what is that?”
“Because I’m your hyung.”
I tapped Yugeon’s hand, which held the can of coffee, with the half-eaten ice cream bar I still had left, like a toast. Yugeon’s half-closed eyes lazily shifted towards me. Then, with a deep sigh, he ran his dry hand over his face.
After several moments of hesitation, Yugeon’s unusually dark-red lips finally parted.
“I’m… not used to this kind of thing.”
“This kind of thing?”
“Serious stuff. I hate being serious… because my reality is already too overwhelming.”
It was the moment when a reason emerged for Yugeon’s typically lighthearted demeanor.
I didn’t offer any particular commentary; I just rested my chin in my hand and quietly listened to Yugeon’s words.
“That’s why I fought with Seo Taehyun. For me, debuting is about survival, but he keeps saying that we should work even harder to get results together. And then he asks if I’m going to give up debuting now.”
“……”
“So, in a fit of anger, I said it. I told him that he was lucky to be able to pursue his dream so easily.”
“Oh my…”
“…I know, I was wrong. I know what that dream means to him, but I just blurted it out back then.”
Wow, that’s a fight-worthy cause….
For some reason, I felt parched at the thought of the unexpectedly tough reason for their argument. I kept silent and focused on eating my ice cream, but Yugeon, glancing at me, lowered his gaze to the ground.
“That time, in the van…. I’m sorry for saying that.”
As expected, he had been bothered by it, and Yugeon finally offered a belated apology. I simply stared at Yugeon without a word.
I understood the emotions Yugeon was feeling. I had experienced them once too.
Those emotions could be defined by many different words.
Inferiority, resentment, alienation, anxiety, frustration, impatience….
Perhaps even he couldn’t fully explain the emotions he was feeling; they were so complex and multifaceted that they could sometimes make a person wither away.
‘What should I say to him….’
Still looking up at the cloudless, starless night sky, I calmly chose my words.
And as a cool breeze brushed our cheeks, I finally offered Yugeon a carefully selected word as if it were a gift.
“Yugeon-ah.”
“…Yes.”
“I’m your hyung.”
“…? I know that.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
“……”
“I’m your hyung, not a friend or a dongsaeng.”
I am, perhaps, the first person in your life to be that kind of presence.
* * *
Yugeon had to ponder for a long time about what Hajin meant by that.
‘Of course, he’s my hyung, what else?’
It wasn’t until he mulled over the word “hyung” that a different kind of resonance began to emerge.
‘Hyung… Yeah, he’s my hyung.’
Come to think of it, isn’t this the first time I’ve had such a close hyung?
Even the dancer hyungs he had been close with weren’t really deeply involved in Yugeon’s life, despite their title.
Yugeon had envied their freedom to dance as they wished, and they had felt sorry for Yugeon’s different life while also being burdened by it.
Now, with someone he lived with, worked with, and practiced with…
To have a “hyung” he would be with for at least seven years was truly a first for Yugeon.
The more he chewed on this fact, the stranger he felt, so he shrugged his shoulders and readjusted his posture. He could see Hajin laughing softly as he watched him. Feeling like his excited mood had been exposed, Yugeon zipped his jacket up to his neck.
“Well, you’ll gradually find out what it’s like to have three reliable hyungs at once.”
“…Are you sure they’re reliable?”
“Shut up, punk. Let’s really go now. Siwoo hyung said if we don’t come back in ten minutes, he’ll send Seo Taehyun to find us.”
“He’s not some kind of bloodhound….”
As Yugeon expressed his disbelief, Hajin got up from his seat and began cleaning up the things he had eaten. Yugeon watched him for a moment before quietly taking the trash from Hajin’s hands.
“What, why. Is there a separate bin for this?”
“This is the kind of thing the younger one should do.”
“Which old geezer told you that? Bring him here. Who taught you such nonsense?”
“…Seriously, you’re weird.”
As always, Hajin’s unexpected reaction left Yugeon chuckling in disbelief as he took the trash inside the convenience store. Despite having cleaned up countless times while working part-time at a convenience store, for some reason, Yugeon almost threw plastic into the general waste bin several times today.
After finally disposing of all the trash, Yugeon came back outside to find Hajin with his hood pulled over his baseball cap, playfully bumping his shoulder against Yugeon’s.
“Next time, just let me do it. You’re going to spoil me.”
“…Come on.”
“Are you laughing while your hyung is talking?”
“Well, pick a side. Are you an old geezer or not?”
The two of them continued to bicker playfully as they slowly walked back to their dorm. Since they were about the same height, their strides matched as well.
After walking and exchanging small talk for a while, Hajin suddenly said,
“Yugeon-ah.”
“What?”
“I live in a semi-basement.”
“……”
“I didn’t even know people ordered chicken out of boredom until I got to high school. In my house, we’d rarely eat it once a year, and even then, we’d order one chicken and split it among four people.”
Another unexpected story. However, it was a form of poverty that felt oddly familiar to Yugeon.
Yugeon quietly closed his mouth, realizing that he hadn’t expected Hajin’s family to be in such difficult circumstances. Hajin continued speaking, as if declaring something, while walking one step ahead of Yugeon without any
sign of embarrassment.
“Let’s make sure we succeed.”
In response to that hopeful wish, Yugeon nodded his head.
“…Okay.”
Hajin smiled broadly, satisfied with Yugeon’s answer. For the first time since the survival show, Yugeon also responded with a relieved smile.
“Hey, Hajin hyung! Yugeon hyung!”
“What’s up, Dan Haru?”
It seemed they were returning from finishing their live broadcast as Haru and Doha came running from the opposite alley when they spotted the two of them.
Seeing Haru running so quickly, as if he might trip, Yugeon instinctively moved, but stopped when he saw Hajin in front of him catching Haru and Doha behind him holding Haru back.
“Are you going to the dorm? Where are you coming from?”
“We were just out for a walk after practice and are heading back now. Did your live broadcast go well?”
“Yeah! The manager offered us a ride, but Doha hyung and I ate so much that we decided to walk it off.”
“Good thinking. Doha, you did well too. So, did you get a refund for the egg-mayo sandwich without the egg-mayo?”
“Huh? Hyung, did you watch our entire live broadcast?”
Watching Haru cling to Hajin and chatter away as soon as they met, Yugeon naturally thought of his younger siblings, the Tigers.
…Maybe I’ll call home today.
As he thought about it and watched them, he noticed Doha had quietly moved beside him.
“…?”
“What did you eat?”
“Huh? Oh, hyung said he was hungry, so….”
“I saw your hands were red, so I wondered if it was blood. Good if it’s not.”
“Oh.”
When Doha gestured towards Yugeon’s hands with his eyes, Yugeon belatedly checked them. It seemed that some ramen soup or sauce had gotten on them when he was throwing out the trash.
“I must have gotten something on them while throwing out the trash. It’s not blood.”
“Then it’s fine.”
Doha nodded at Yugeon’s explanation and took out some tissues from his pocket.
“I saved these when we ate the sandwiches earlier. Use these to wipe your hands.”
“Oh, thank you, hyung.”
Yugeon accepted the tissues Doha handed him. While he was wiping his hands, he noticed that Haru and Hajin, who were now far ahead, had turned around and were calling out to them.
“Hey, you two! What are you doing? Let’s go! Siwoo hyung said he’s really going to send Seo Taehyun after us if we’re late.”
“Yugeon hyung! We need to hurry! Eunchan hyung said he’s going to lock the door if we’re late!”
“Yeah, we’re coming. Let’s go, Yugeon-ah.”
“…Okay.”
The sound of their footsteps echoed through the quiet night.
Though they were simply heading back home, for some reason, their steps felt unusually light.
* * *
As if the moments when he trembled in fear, wondering, ‘Will tomorrow ever come?’ had been a dream, time passed by so quickly that no one could catch it.
The scorching summer, where the boys’ sweat had soaked every corner of the practice room floor, was over.
And finally…
“Damn. Am I really debuting today?”
The day of Kairos’s debut had dawned!