Round 2. Aged Whiskey Lewd Story Battle
Only one glass of whiskey per person. This rule was lamented by the booze-loving crowd. I could somewhat understand the longing for the intense kick of alcohol that beer couldn't provide.
However, good news came from outside.
A guild member who had just arrived at the tavern mentioned, 「They're distributing it over at the plaza too.」
「That's an option!」
「We have no choice, let's go!」
「We'll even stand in line to get it!」
Consequently, a significant portion of the guild trickled back to the festival.
Indeed, the messenger mentioned that alcohol distribution was "at various locations," so it was likely being handed out at multiple places beyond just the guild.
In other words, the booze lovers intended to adhere to the "one per person" rule by hitting up different venues. Despite the apparent madness outside, they went for it. I couldn't blame them.
「Oh, Mongrel! Long time no see.」
「Ah, Caspar-san! It's been a while. Meeting at the guild is a rarity, isn't it?」
Amidst the bustling crowd, there was Caspar from the 『Regor Security Force』, a healer.
Even the older folks, who rarely showed their faces, were present because of the festival. Plus, there were some unfamiliar young faces.
「I thought I'd have a drink here with my subordinate, Yukes-kun.」
「Ah, pleased to meet you. I'm Yukes.」
「Oh, you're Caspar's subordinate. I've heard your name. I'm Mongrel. We may not see each other often, but nice to meet you. This is Raina and Ulrika from Artemis.」
「Nice to meet you, I'm Raina, an archer.」
「I'm Ulrika, also an archer. Nice to meet you!」
「Y-Yes! Nice to meet you!」
So young. It's reassuring to see someone this young working as a healer.
In this world, you can never have too many healers. Unfortunately, their aptitude is even stricter than that of magic users. If there were enough of them, the invention of pharmaceuticals might not even be necessary, since it's such a convenient ability.
「I've heard there are many cases of people feeling sick from drinking too much this year. So, please, Mongrel and friends, don't overindulge.」
「Of course. We'll be moderate. Wait, are you guys on duty today, Caspar-san?」
Upon closer inspection, they were wearing the 『Regor Security Force』 uniforms, looking very much "on duty".
「We're taking a break now. We need to be ready for emergencies at our posts later. Times like these keep us busy.」
「...... Thank you for your hard work.」
When the three of us bowed, Caspar gave a knowing, faint smile and took a sip of his beer.
...... There's work to be done, but having a drink in the meantime is so typical of this otherworldly life. It wouldn't happen back in my previous life.
「We've had enough drinks! Long live Count Regor! Long live Lord Chaos!」
「When the current count succeeded, I wondered what would happen... but he's the best lord!」
「When will they sell that liquor, I wonder?」
「But it'll probably be for nobles, right? Depends on the price, huh?」
As we spoke, the booze enthusiasts who had been outside returned.
They seemed to have successfully acquired the whiskey distributed outside and were in high spirits. I'm a little envious.
「...... Hmm. Those sticks in the glass bottle. I suspect those bring out the whiskey's flavor.」
「You think so too, Nastasha? I agree. It might not be the correct expression, but that burnt aroma within the brewed spirit—it must come from the flavor derived from charred wood. Perhaps stored in barrels of similar material, but...」
「Have you tasted anything similar before, Sally?」
「No, I haven't. There's honey wine, milk, various spirits, but I've never tasted such a strong one. When it comes to luxury, Sheena would know better, right?」
「I've never seen or heard of it either. According to the count, it must be a new development.」
「Although it's not Chaos's first time supporting the count... fascinating...」
The Gold Rank folks are quite sharp.
Originally, whiskey's flavor comes from charred barrels, but this time, they also inserted charred wood sticks inside the barrel. Increasing the charred surface area accelerates flavor enhancement. In my previous life, wood to be inserted into spirit bottles was sold as drinking accessories. Home aging, you could call it.
Of course, this alone doesn't smooth out the harshness of this base alcohol... But for me, just being able to taste this strong liquor was delightful.
「...... Maybe I'll buy some if it goes on sale...... I wonder how much it'd cost......」
「Raina, you're strong with alcohol. You might be stronger than me.」
「Well, most of us are strong with alcohol.」
「I've never seen Raina drunk either.」
「What if the whiskey's expensive? What do we do if it's like 1000 jelly per glass?」
「......」
「Hey, Raina? You have a serious face—are you okay? ...... Would you actually... buy it...?」
Even though she's still a teenager, she already shows signs of being a potential heavyweight drinker...
...... Maybe I should develop various types of alcohol as well. Distilled liquor is immensely strong as an export product of an agricultural nation. It might even serve as a disinfectant. Health concerns are the only worry, though...
「Hey, everyone~! At the arm wrestling competition, our own Dickbald has become the bravest in Regor~!」
As the sun began to set, and the guards went on duty, the guild started to fill up with customers, seemingly replacing them.
Then, Chuck and his group, the 『Sword of the Harvest』, who hadn't been around until now, finally arrived.
「Oh, that's amazing! As expected of Dickbald!」
「The strongest arms should belong to a guild member!」
「Splendid!」
Among them stood the slit-eyed giant, Dickbald.
It seemed that one of the festival's events, an arm wrestling competition to determine the strongest in town, had seen Dickbald emerge victorious.
Encircled by his party members and receiving praise, Dickbald looked the part of the leader of the town's most spotlighted party, right here in Regor.
...... If you look closely, Varga was also among the group at the very back. That guy was swaying, clearly drunk—is it possible he had been drinking the whole time?
「I... lost... miserably...」
Behind Varga, who was notably intoxicated, came Gorilla... no, Gorillana, looking somewhat disheartened.
「What's wrong, Gorillana-senpai?」
「Are you okay? Did something happen?」
「No... I fought Dickbald-san in the finals... and lost utterly. I was completely overpowered... I lack the strength...」
Dickbald versus Gorillana in the finals, huh. To think someone could compete against the super-strong Gold-ranked Dickbald... quite incredible.
I'll need to be attentive and ensure I don't inadvertently offend Gorillana-san henceforth...
「Ah, welcome back, Gorillana. You did well, though. It was a close call.」
「Miss Sheena... I'm sorry. I gave it my all, but...」
「Don't worry. Rather, you did well making it to second place. I'm proud of you as a fellow party member.」
「... Thank you.」
So it was an arm wrestling competition. I knew it was an annual event, but I usually didn't look around so late until nightfall.
Technically, the Spirit Festival's true festivities start at night with the moonrise, but by then I usually just stay in the tavern to avoid the hassle of looking around.
「Now, you see~ this year's arm wrestling champion got a magnificent prize, and guess what~ Dickbald-san won~ a bottle of this alcohol! There's no one here who doesn't know about this drink by now, right?!」
「No way...!」
「You're kidding!」
Chuck had in his hand, a bottle of liquor.
The colored glass made it difficult to see the contents, but there was no doubt about it...!
「Lord Regor's new creation, whiskey!」
「Wooooah! Dickbald-san is the strongest!」
「A true man among men!」
「—Indeed. I am pleased to have been recognized as the strongest champion in this town. Thank you, everyone. However—this joy is not mine to hoard. Tonight, during the Spirit Festival—I think we should all relish this fine drink together.」
「YAHHHOOOO!」
Whoa, incredible! The champion's reward was whiskey!
The bottle was somewhat smaller than the one distributed to the guild... Yet, it is a liquor not yet available for purchase. To offer it freely, Dickbald's manly generosity electrified the guild's boozers.
「As expected of Dickbald!」
「Awesome! Thank you! Cheers!」
Even Raina and I stood up, clapping.
I couldn't help it; I wanted to drink more whiskey.
「But... Well, there's not enough of this fine drink for everyone, is there? Which means, we have to choose a 'winner' somehow, right?!」
「Is it really happening?」
「Is Chuck really doing it? Is it starting?!」
「Of course! It's none other than Dickbald's direct proposal! 'The Second Aged Whiskey Lewd Story Battle' begins!!」
「YEAHHHHOOOO!」
The guild filled with unusual excitement, echoing with the powerful voices of the men.
The bard, getting carried away, played an intense tune, Varga inexplicably jumped and hit the wall, and Chuck climbed onto a table, taking off his shoes. At least, he wasn't wearing footwear—well, it's impolite but could be worse.
...... Oof, the women in the guild are giving cold stares...
「And so~~~ since winter's event, it's back! If you want to drink this fine whiskey, step right up! Those who hold confidence in their lewd knowledge, come forth!」
「Leave the lewd story to me!」
「Load up, load up!」
「Who said that!?」
「This time, I won't lose!」
One by one, those confident in their lewd tales stood up, cracking their knuckles. In contrast, the female attendees quietly shifted away from the center.
Tonight, the guild turned into a world of men.
「... Mongrel-senpai... could it be...?」
「Yeah... It's that 'could be,' Raina.」
I placed my beer mug onto the table with a thud and rose to my feet.
「—Are you coming, Mongrel?」
「Stop highlighting only my participation, will you?... Well, I will participate.」
「Uh, S-since it's a lewd story session, does that mean it's like what happened last time... Mongrel-san?」
「Yeah. But, you know... some things in the world can't just be settled with niceties... Because that's what guildmen are like, aren't they...?」
「Mongrel-senpai...」
Raina was staring at me with narrowed eyes.
... Sorry, Raina. But even so... I...
「... I'm rooting for you... It'd be nice if you could share a bit...」
「R-Raina...!?」
「... Yeah, leave it to me...!」
And so, I ended up participating in my second lewd story battle.
The guild had even more women this time compared to last time. There were different eyes on me... But for the whiskey's sake, there was no other choice.
A battle, both prideful and dirty, among these brutish men begins...!
「This time, I won't hold back... Listen up! 'The dried powder of the Dart Hide Snake'... 'keeps you going all night'...!」
「What did you say...!?」
「The powder, you say...!?」
「Even if one ages, they can still go on...!?」
「Kuh... Not bad... But I haven't wasted two-tenths of my rewards for nothing...! Take that...! 'Swamp Turtle Hotpot keeps you going till morning'!」
「Ugh...!?」
「—Hmm, winner Baul!」
「Alright!」
「Arrrggghhh!? How could I lose...!?」
「—Certainly, Swamp Turtle Hotpot 'works'... But considering its price and availability... weighing everything, I sided with Dart Hide Snake... —It was a close call, though.」
And so it began again, the unbearable lewd story battle.
Apparently, the finer rules or judgments were entrusted entirely to Dickbald, and all participants placed full trust in his judgment. Even though it's such a vague battle, for it to be trusted this much—there's something incredible about that.
「Next up is Alex from the 『Shield of the Earth』. What lewd story could this well-behaved former attendant possibly share?」
「The way they're expecting something from me feels kinda intense... W-Well, let's see... oh! 'When kissing, if you cover the other person's ears, they can hear better, and the mood gets better'... or something like that.」
「Whoa! I totally get that!」
「Alex, you're quite the lewd user!」
「Lewd user!?」
「Kuh... To think there was someone like this in 『Shield of the Earth』...! My- I give you... 'If you bring candy to the store, girls who usually refuse kisses often say okay'...!」
「—Winner, Alex!」
「Argghhh!」
「Oh, I won.」
「—On what Alex said... I will not say more. It is a good thing...」
Probably because of the fantastic prize, participants who usually didn't join the fray were entering this time.
It seemed like there was still some time before I'd get my turn.
「... Mongrel-san, are you, like, confident you'll win this time too?」
「Well? Sure, why not? I've got knowledge on my side. It's impossible for me to lose against these people.」
「O-Oh... That's a lot of confidence...」
「This will be my cup when it's ready.」
「Always prepared, aren't you, Raina?」
「Hey, you, over there, Mongrel!」
「Oh, here it comes.」
「It comes, he says!」
Chuck seemed rather miffed. He really liked to get riled up when it came to me.
「You're always chatting it up, having a grand time with that Artemis girl, aren't you~...? And this last time, you were real chummy with the ones from Sapling's Staff too~... Got any secrets to share, eh~?!」
「... Your frustrations and something else seem all mixed up for you, don't they?」
「Shut up! Whatever! Mongrel, this time I'm the one who's gonna take you down, personally~!」
「Oh? For someone who lost to me last time, you've got quite the mouth on you, Chuck-san.」
「... Mongrel-senpai, are you actually drunk?」
「I am the least drunk person in all of Regor.」
「Yup, he's definitely pretty drunk.」
Walking to the center of the tavern, I grabbed a mug lying around and drank it down.
Fueling up with determination. After all, today, the drinks are free, so cut me some slack.
「—Then, let's see. You two... show me what you can do.」
「Yeah, sure thing, Dickbald-san! I'm going first this time!」
「Oh crap! He's pulling the first move again!」
「Go, Chuck-san! I don't know what's going on, but don't lose!」
「Do men turn stupid while drinking?」
「Nastasha, almost all men are born stupid creatures.」
Chuck, having downed his beer with gusto, sat cross-legged on the table and glared sharply at me...!
... You're serious, aren't you...!
「'Even men, if you focus attacks on the tip, they will'...'shoot out like a stream'...!」
「...」
「Heh, heh heh heh... I lost because I had a guy-never moment last time, so, you see... This is like payback, Mongrel-san~...!」
「No way... Men can...?!」
「I haven't even seen a woman, let alone...!」
「Dickbald-san hasn't called for a review... meaning this attack is... 'effective'...!」
The muttering was growing louder. Dickbald shut his eyes. The female crowds' glares weren't even surprising anymore.
Chuck's entry was quite extraordinary—perhaps innovative—in this tavern. Many who heard were surprised.
... But... I...
「... I'm disappointed, Chuck.」
「Wha...!?」
The age of internet Japan. A simple keyword in the search bar could immediately dive you into the vast pool of humanity's wisdom accumulated over thousands of years.
Up against such a massive collection of net knowledge... Chuck's trivia was woefully insignificant.
Nowadays, even precocious elementary school kids know stuff like that...
「I was... really looking forward to it, you know? Deep inside, I wondered if maybe you'd be my rival... I was hoping for it, Chuck...」
「N-No way... It's just a bluff...!」
「... Is that all?」
「......!」
Chuck faltered, swallowing his breath.
He had no follow-up...
「Then that's fine. Step down—A man's prostate located in the rectum... 'When stimulated, it can make him climax multiple times'.」
「GWAAAAHHH!?!?」
Chuck flew off the table, crashing onto the floor.
Weakling. Know your place.
「Chuckkkkkkkkkk!」
「No way... Could it be, that's actually possible...!?」
「—Winner, Mongrel!」
「WHOOOOOA?! It's a massacreeeeeee!」
「Dickbald-san!? Is that thing really... real, Sir!?」
「—To think Mongrel knew this as well... Just beyond the rectum, beneath the bladder, lies an organ resembling a nut, rumored to be among the most masculine organs there is...—but, upon its stimulation—men quickly turn into women. I assure you of this...」
「You can't be serious!?」
「I didn't want to hear that from Dickbald-san...!」
「Where should I direct my gaze when I walk behind Dickbald-san from now on...!?」
Dickbald... you... are amazing...
To have developed such insights in a world devoid of information like this one...
「—Of course, it's an unknown sensation for those unaccustomed... Becoming 'female' requires practice... but Mongrel, are you indeed the same as I—?」
「Nah, I heard it from a passing sleazy preacher.」
「Again with the sleazy preacher!」
「Who is this sleazy preacher!」
「He sounds like a renowned sleazy preacher...」
「Hmm... Rectum, beneath the bladder...」
「He's no good, Chuck's completely out cold...! The damage was too severe!」
「Or maybe he's just oversaturated with booze?」
Thus, this second lewd story battle also concluded with my victory.
Dickbald, acknowledging my effort, seemed to pour a slightly larger serving of whiskey into my glass, sensing some camaraderie.
But please, stop looking at me with those eyes of a brother in arms.
「... Disgusting.」
「He has quite gentlemanly tastes, doesn't he?」
「I'd say that's more of a medical domain.」
Despite receiving cold stares from the women of the Gold Rank... this too is the fate of a protagonist overly endowed with cheat-like skills... Haha...
「Raina... Ulrika... I've brought it.」
「Uh, well, I'm fine without. Give it to Raina... Yeah.」
Ulrika, somewhat distant, declined the whiskey, leaving me to split it with Raina.
「Gulp, gulp... Ahh.... It's delicious!」
「Heh... Glad you like it, Raina... Just watching you drink makes me happy honestly... You can have mine as well...」
「Oh?! But that's Mongrel-senpai's drink...」
「It's just... after all that moving around, I'm feeling a little woozy... Can't drink anymore... hehe...」
「... Mongrel-senpai.... Thanks!」
Thus, the whiskey I earned found its way into Raina's belly entirely.
It's strong booze, so make sure you drink some water too, Raina...
-------------= Clacky's Corner -------------=
Another cursed knowledge from Mongrel-san.
【(；☉_☉)】