The next day, I couldn’t help but freeze up when I saw the person in the usual ‘interrogation room’. It was because the person standing there was a child. The moment I saw the child who looked like they might be barely 10 years old, I gritted my teeth.
“It’s a child.”
The moment I saw the child trembling on the other side of the room, my mind went blank.
Ignoring my words, Seol Rok-jin calmly continued speaking.
“If you can make that child eat that onion, I’ll spare the child. However, you’re forbidden from directly telling the child that they need to eat the onion to survive. You just need to make the child eat the onion of their own will.”
Unlike yesterday, Seol Rok-jin had set clear rules. But I absolutely couldn’t enter that room.
“Why a child?”
Seol Rok-jin said nonchalantly:
“Adults catch on to the situation and think ahead, but children are innocent.”
So lies would work better on them, he meant.
But what if I fail?
“You’re not planning to kill that child, are you?”
“If you fail, that’s what will happen. You’re thinking about failing before you’ve even started?”
After saying I needed desperation, was this how he planned to make me desperate?
“Please…”
“You don’t need to beg me, Yi-sin. If you do well, there’s no need for that child to die. It’s just deceiving a mere 10-year-old child.”
It seems like you could deceive them even without talent. Seol Rok-jin said that to me and I was pushed inside.
And I desperately tried to deceive the child, but the child wasn’t easily fooled.
“You want me to eat this? This is an onion.”
I said while sweating profusely:
“That’s a very delicious apple. Try it, it’ll be very tasty.”
Please, child, please. If you don’t eat that, you’ll die.
I desperately tried to deceive the child by drawing up my body’s magic power, but my lie didn’t work. Seeing my tearful face, the child just became terrified.
“No!”
I shook my head watching the child run away from me. This won’t do. This can’t happen. So I groaned and tried somehow to gain the child’s trust.
But time passed without any results, and the door opened.
“Please, please…”
“Time’s up. It’s already been 2 hours.”
Seol Rok-jin had people pull me out. At the sudden intrusion of people, the child hid under the table with a terrified face.
Though one might feel sympathy at that pitiful sight.
And then a gunshot was heard.
The moment that sound was heard, I cried out and lunged at Seol Rok-jin. But as usual, my struggle was easily blocked.
“Why, it’s a child. A child, an innocent child. Why a child who’s done nothing wrong…”
At my crazed mutterings, Seol Rok-jin whispered:
“I know. If you wanted to save that child, you should have done well, Yi-sin. I gave you chances over and over, but it’s troublesome if you fail and then blame me.”
Seol Rok-jin said it was all my fault, my responsibility that the child died.
That ‘he didn’t want to do this either, but this seemed like it would be most effective’.
That if I keep not using my ability, turning away, and hiding, he’ll have no choice but to use worse methods.
The next day, Seol Rok-jin pushed me in front of another child.
And I failed.
Again.
* * *
After that, Seol Rok-jin kept bringing children. I, who wanted to save at least the children, tried desperately.
But I failed time and time again, and each time a gunshot was heard. I could have turned my head or avoided it, but I looked straight at that scene.
Because that child’s death was all my fault.
Seol Rok-jin said to me as I was huddled in a corner:
“You’re too scared. When even you don’t believe your own words, who would listen to you?”
I didn’t want to hear Seol Rok-jin’s words, but they made sense. I was too scared of failure. When I spoke while trembling, of course no one would believe my words.
“To take revenge on me too, you should shake it off and get up, right? Nothing gets better by being so depressed.”
Just curse at me, curse! I got up at that pathetic advice. As Seol Rok-jin said, nothing would get better by curling up like this.
That day, I was finally able to succeed.
Only after sacrificing five victims, did I succeed at that damned lie.
The moment I saw the child eating the onion as if it were a crisp apple, I collapsed on the floor.
“Well done.”
Seol Rok-jin’s praise pierced my ears. It was the first time I heard praise for my talent, but I wasn’t happy.
“How nice that you listen to me well. You live, and that little one lives too.”
I scrunched my face at those words and asked Seol Rok-jin:
“What happens to that child?”
“Well…”
“What do you mean well? Surely you’re not thinking of bringing them here again?”
“Should I send them somewhere nice?”
“Of course you should!”
At my outburst, Seol Rok-jin smiled ambiguously and said:
“Alright, I’ll send them to a nice place. That kid’s life needs spring days too.”
At that time, I didn’t know what those words meant. I just thought it was fortunate the child escaped this hell.
Not knowing the child would be going to an even worse hell.
* * *
After that, I had to play along with Seol Rok-jin’s experiments.
At first, it was simply deceiving them into eating an onion as an apple, but later I had to tell other lies too. Though I begged and begged and a few times adults were brought as my test subjects, when failures continued, children were immediately brought in.
Each time, I had to use all my strength to deceive the children.
As the experiments continued, there were more days of success than failure. And with each success, Seol Rok-jin praised me generously.
And that praise made my heart very strange.
I threw all sorts of tantrums at Seol Rok-jin. I must never forget the fact that he created this situation in the first place. He was my enemy. My mortal enemy, the villain whose neck I must wring.
But Seol Rok-jin accepted all my tantrums. He was strangely kind to me, and I didn’t know what to do with that kindness.
The next day, I stood before Seol Rok-jin again, and he proposed another experiment to me.
“Somehow make that man over there die. Then I’ll spare that child.”
The child Seol Rok-jin pointed to looked at me while trembling.
“Didn’t you let that kid go yesterday?”
“I let them go from that place yesterday.”
Damn bastard.
“Don’t worry. I definitely sent away the first child you saved.”
Son of a bitch.
I gritted my teeth while cursing Seol Rok-jin in my mind repeatedly. If I didn’t curse like this even in my mind, I couldn’t bear it. But I didn’t dare think of rebelling against Seol Rok-jin.
Seol Rok-jin had taught me very clearly over time. That there would be consequences if I disobeyed his words. And that there would be very sweet rewards if I listened to his words.
I entered the interrogation room. And that day, I pushed that man to death without much difficulty.
The threat that even if he survived here, more terrible things would befall him didn’t even seem like a ‘lie’. The man, terrified by my words, blew his head off with the gun placed in front of him.
Even though there were options like picking up that gun and shooting me, or shooting Seol Rok-jin, the man who fell for my lie stupidly only thought ‘I should die’.
With a flick of my three-inch tongue, I blew away a person’s life.
Ah, I’ve completely become a monster.
I squeezed my eyes shut looking at the blurry lock that appeared before my eyes. Though I achieved the visualization of my talent that I had wanted so much, I wasn’t happy at all.
Because my talent ultimately became a terrible tool for killing people.
My talent, which developed in the direction I most didn’t want, only felt terrible.
How many people will I make unhappy with this in the future?
Looking down at the corpse of the man I killed, I sighed internally.
“Is that enough now?”
Seol Rok-jin, who rushed in with an extremely excited face, grabbed my shoulders.
“See, don’t you feel anything?”
It’s not that I don’t feel anything. I feel anger, and sadness. But that’s probably not the kind of feeling he’s talking about. I glared at Seol Rok-jin with a scrunched face. Seol Rok-jin continued speaking, still looking excited:
“They do anything according to your orders. Even throwing away their own lives. Hm? How does it feel?”
Seol Rok-jin who said that examined my face. As if trying to find some realization from me.
Seol Rok-jin always told me to throw away my sympathy for people.
That those things are not humans like us. At first, I thought Seol Rok-jin was an awakener supremacist. Because that’s mainly what awakener supremacists say. But Seol Rok-jin was merciless to awakeners too.
I realized.
This guy is just crazy, and maybe he wants to make me, for some reason, a crazy person like himself.
“I don’t know what you’re expecting from me, but I can never become like you.”
At those words, Seol Rok-jin smiled.
“You’re a strange guy. No matter what I do for you, no matter what power I give you, you make a face like you’re not grateful at all, but you tremble when I say I’ll kill children.”
“You…”
“Even though dozens have already died because of you, you still feel pain.”
Seol Rok-jin tilted his head and added:
“But is your current pain the same as at first?”
At those words, my breath caught.
“When the first child died, you couldn’t even eat properly. You couldn’t sleep properly for a week. But now?”
Now I eat and sleep very well. Nightmares come, but only for a moment. My whole body trembled at Seol Rok-jin’s words. Seol Rok-jin smiled at my reaction and said:
“It’s just a matter of time.”
All stimuli become familiar eventually. Seol Rok-jin said someone’s death is like that too. That eventually I would realize what he had been trying to teach.
“No, I’ve just learned to swallow it inside. Because nothing changes by feeling pain. You taught me, didn’t you? That I need to keep my mind straight even if it’s to kill you.”
Seol Rok-jin sighed looking at me still acting stiffly. At his sigh, my body stiffened for a moment. Somehow, I had come to truly fear Seol Rok-jin’s disappointment.
Seol Rok-jin looked at me and said:
“Don’t worry, Yi-sin. Even if you’re terribly lacking, stupid, and dull-witted, I’ve decided to take you in.”
Seol Rok-jin patted my head as if petting a dog and said:
“And while humans can’t easily be forgiven, dogs can be forgiven many times.”
I scrunched my face at those words.
“Dog?”
“You’re too stupid to be treated as a human, you see. Moreover, I told you. Humans can’t easily be forgiven. But if it’s a dog doing stupid things, well. If it’s a dog, it can’t be helped.”
At his words, I realized. That Seol Rok-jin doesn’t see me as a human. Though he said I was special, he and I weren’t even equal.
“It’ll be better for you to live as a dog too.”
I didn’t dare ask Seol Rok-jin who said that.
What on earth do I need to do to be treated as a human by you?
* * *
No matter how much you want to die, you can live somehow if you have someone to take revenge on.
I learned that from Seol Rok-jin.
—What you told Xie Haozhu, was that from experience?
“That’s right.”
Certainly at first, I intended to take revenge on Seol Rok-jin. I really intended to take great revenge on that bastard who did that to my friend and ruined my life.
But as time passed, that resolve faded.
There were several reasons.
Because I absolutely didn’t have the ability to carry out revenge, because Seol Rok-jin was too strong, because the opportunity didn’t come.
Later…
“I just adapted to living with that bastard.”
During the 9 years I spent with Seol Rok-jin, it wasn’t always painful.
Though I hated and despised Seol Rok-jin to death, at the same time I became quite accustomed to him. I still disliked him, but as I came to know Seol Rok-jin better than anyone else in this world, my hatred and desire for revenge towards him vaguely faded.
Only then did I understand why Seol Rok-jin kept me alive.
“He was confident he could persuade me.”
Seol Rok-jin put an invisible leash on my neck. Without even thinking of cutting that leash and running away, and without thinking of biting the foot of the owner holding the leash. I lived as that bastard’s pet.
—It’s not like you wanted to become like that.
That’s not important. Because in the end, it’s a fact that I contributed to this country’s downfall while sticking with that bastard.
Didn’t I quite enjoy it later?
The so-called ‘successful life’ Seol Rok-jin gave me.
“Isn’t it funny? I wanted revenge so badly, but before I knew it, I got along so well with that bastard who was Ho-san’s enemy.”
Seol Rok-jin was right. I was very similar to Seol Rok-jin.
“I was a no-good person from the start. I was trash from the beginning. What was I trying to do with that kind of background.”
—Are you planning to do nothing while being stuck here just because of that?
“What on earth can I do? The more I do something, the more everything just falls apart. Maybe if I hadn’t done anything at all, this situation wouldn’t have happened…”
At that moment, the firmly closed door opened.
No, it would be more accurate to say it was ripped off. Kim Jae-ho and Han Seo-hyeon, looking quite heated, burst through the door that was ripped off its hinges.
“Come out.”
“W-what?”
Han Seo-hyeon said to me with an extremely angry face:
“Let’s talk.”