“Ricardo.”
At the sound of someone calling him, Ricardo quietly lowered his eyes.
“Failure means downfall.”
It was Harnen’s terribly familiar words.
“If you achieve nothing, no one will remain by your side. Just like your mother.”
“I understand.”
Ricardo let out a small bitter laugh.
Downfall. He often thought about it. What was at the end of it that made Harnen fear ruin so much?
We were already standing at the end, after all.
Before he knew it, dawn had broken outside the window. His eyes, used to the darkness, couldn’t adjust to the sunlight and remained blurry.
‘…What a wretched day.’
Ricardo closed his eyes. Fragments of the past slowly invaded his mind.
The ancient future he remembered was relatively simple.
* * *
“Since you were born into House Hessen, you cannot disobey me.”
Harnen in his memory was always angry. He sharpened his edge with hatred for someone he’d never even seen.
Ricardo didn’t fully understand what death was, but when he looked at Harnen, that word naturally came to mind.
Yes, he was dying.
The only moment that proved he was alive was when he said these words.
“You must obey me.”
That was the first word Ricardo ever learned.
‘Obedience’
He didn’t know the exact meaning, but he wanted to please Harnen. When he answered that he would keep it in mind, only then would Harnen smile in relief.
He liked that. He truly believed that was what others called love.
“I’ll live for Lord Harnen.”
When he said that, praise poured down on him. So he decided to live that way.
Whatever Harnen wanted, no matter what it was.
That was the only goal in his life.
As time passed, the family became more rigid.
Outings were forbidden, and full-scale training began.
If he said he missed his mother, he was locked in the red room. If he made even a small mistake during training, a scar was left on his back. On those days, he had to sleep face down.
But he wasn’t allowed to show pain.
“Lord Harnen is a pitiful man. Only you can help him, Young Master.”
The nanny said so with teary eyes.
“Young Master, if the training is too hard, you can leave. Though no one but Lord Harnen will ever love you.”
Everyone was like that.
“Lord Harnen saved all of us. So what exactly are you afraid of, Young Master?”
Harnen was a pitiful person. Because he was pitiful, he had to be understood.
But as time passed, one doubt began to form.
On days when he was in a bad mood, long scars were left on Ricardo’s back. He would be feverish, unable to sleep, training would be disrupted, and the wounds would multiply.
It was worse on nights when Harnen was drunk.
“Aaagh…!”
The nanny said it was due to trauma from the war, but to Ricardo, he was just a monster.
No matter how much he covered his ears with a pillow, the monster never fell asleep. Endlessly shouting the name ‘Veronica,’ he screamed until morning.
It wasn’t until the following year that Ricardo learned that name belonged to Harnen’s wife.
“Mother!”
He met his mother twice a year. She was cold, but still better than Harnen.
“……”
She wasn’t much of a talker. But she didn’t drink, and her voice wasn’t loud.
That alone made Dians Village his only happiness.
He wondered why his mother didn’t live like a noble, and why he had to hide himself and come to Dians.
But he was so happy being with her, he didn’t want to waste the time with pointless questions.
“…You don’t have to come next time.”
It would have been better if she hadn’t said those last words.
Even so, he loved Dians.
He enjoyed meeting his mother.
Then one day.
A day like any other, when he headed to Dians.
“Connie! What is this wound on you?”
He saw his mother worrying over a small wound on a girl he’d never seen before.
Her expression rarely changed. So he couldn’t help but be surprised.
‘If I show her my injuries too, will she react differently?’
That thought crossed his mind.
I have more wounds than that girl.
Surely, my mother would worry.
Has there ever been a moment when the scars he had always found disgusting became something to be proud of?
So, in that moment, he revealed the wounds he had kept hidden.
“I have an injury too!”
“……”
“Look at this!”
Ricardo looked at her face.
Eyes that looked at him as if he were a disgusting monster. Maybe, they were the same eyes he used when looking at Harnen.
Cold air settled on his wounds, making them sting.
That moment felt like an eternity. As if it had all been a delusion, thinking she was worried about the girl.
Thud.
Even after the door closed, Ricardo couldn’t move.
Not even when evening fell, and a knight came to find him.
The heavy air pressing down on him refused to let him go.
After that, Ricardo stopped going to Dians.
‘…It must have been because I had too many wounds.’
Thinking that, he only wished he wouldn’t get hurt again—at least not until he saw her again.
Now that he thought about it, it seemed right. The girl wasn’t disgusting like him, and she only had one small wound.
But as the days went by, the wounds on his body increased. To the point where he couldn’t even look in the mirror, he no longer had the courage to visit her.
Because surely, she would see him as a monster.
“Young Master, you are the one who will one day lead the House of Duke Hessen. You must grow up like Lord Harnen.”
…Like Harnen.
Then would the whole world look at me the way I look at him?
Like my mother did.
Time passed, and Ricardo joined the subjugation campaign. He was the youngest among the knights.
To survive, he cut down many people—again and again—and for the first time, one thought crossed his mind.
I can’t breathe.
And he wanted to ask his mother.
What crime he had committed.
In the end, he ran to her as if fleeing.
“…Ricardo?”
His mother, whom he faced after a long time, seemed startled but, for the first time, welcomed him.
“Have you been well?”
“For me, it’s always the same.”
They ate together like before, and took a walk. They didn’t say much. She acted as if the past events had never existed.
But unexpectedly, she was the one to bring up the topic first.
“Did the wounds become scars?”
“……”
“…Ricardo, do you resent me a lot?”
When Ricardo couldn’t answer, she continued in a calm voice.
“If you become the head of House Hessen, you’ll live a better life than now. I will live my life atoning for it all, so please, you at least—be happy.”
He had never wished for something like that.
But if time could solve everything, he could wait as long as needed.
That was the one thing Ricardo was best at.
“Please visit the estate. I want to show you what I’ve achieved so far.”
By then, he believed he’d be able to talk with her about many things.
But that hope was shattered before long.
Whoosh!
“My Lord, Lady Chloe is in…!”
That day was when his mother had come to visit the estate.
The cause was an accidental fire, but Harnen called it a curse.
No tears came out. And to that Ricardo, Harnen asked,
“Now you understand how I feel, don’t you?”
Still, he couldn’t understand.
“And now you know what you must do.”
For the first time, Harnen spoke in a warm tone.
Eileens. The person whom Harnen had cursed every single day.
“But you alone are safe. The curse only applies to your parents.”
Harnen gripped Ricardo’s shoulder tightly.
“You must be the one to bring an end to all of this.”
“……”
“Do you remember the vow you made to me?”
Ricardo, as if hypnotized, answered without realizing it.
“…I said I would obey.”
To you.
Everything I’ve done in life was for that.
To carry out Harnen’s revenge in his place.
Life was unbearably terrible.
After that, the weather stayed good for a while.
A day when everyone walking down the street wore happy smiles.
Maybe that was why.
Ricardo made a decision.
That he would die.