TLed by NolepGuy
Chapter 40
The black spots that covered the skin began to transfer onto Ricardo’s hand.
Arms and back.
Legs and shoulders.
Even to the chest and abdomen.
As the black spots slowly spread across Ricardo’s body, the black spots remaining on mine gradually faded.
‘…Is this it?’
Watching that scene, I murmured as if bewitched.
‘Is this the secret you’ve been hiding…?’
My breaths became erratic.
Because the unthinkable was happening right before my eyes. Dark thoughts wouldn’t stop flooding my mind.
My hands trembled.
No matter what kind of nightmare I had, it wouldn’t be scarier than this. Even that nightmare where I died before. It wouldn’t be scarier than this, I thought.
‘Ricardo…. What are you doing?’
Ricardo held me tightly in his arms and began absorbing the rampaging mana. His shoulders trembled as he gritted his teeth, taking in the corrupted mana.
Dark magic is a convenient magic that can produce powerful effects with just one medium.
Supernatural abilities.
Things impossible with normal magic.
And even powerful offensive measures.
Unlike magic that requires formulas, calculations, and mana, dark magic only needs a medium to exert its powerful effects.
Because that is the very purpose of dark magic’s existence.
With just powerful mana or offerings, dark magic can produce overwhelming effects.
At that time, I activated dark magic using my mana as collateral.
If not for my twisted personality, the vast mana I possessed could have made me the next head of the Desmond Family. Yet I used it as a medium for dark magic to win over a single person’s heart.
If such vast mana were corrupted and rampaged due to dark magic, it would cause excruciating pain, as if a bomb exploded inside the body.
Bang. It would heat up the insides of the body.
Pop. And from within, burns accompanied by terrible burning pain would begin. The necrotized skin would suffer irreversible wounds.
In the end. Death would come.
Unless one were a fool, they couldn’t possibly not know what Ricardo was doing. No, they shouldn’t be ignorant of it.
Like the Eastern cupping therapy for stagnant blood, Ricardo was absorbing all the aftereffects of dark magic.
In disbelief, I looked at Ricardo and spoke.
‘What are you doing…?’
I grabbed Ricardo’s shoulder, intending to stop him, but the blue window blocked my hand.
[This is the observer’s perspective. You cannot interfere with the subject.]
I couldn’t touch him.
‘Don’t stop me….’
I whined at the oblivious blue window, but as always, it merely repeated that I could not interfere.
Biting my lip, I spoke.
‘I said don’t stop me….’
I couldn’t stop that fool from what he was doing.
All I could do was watch from the sidelines.
Even as Ricardo shed tears while enduring the pain, even as my heart pounded like it was going to burst. All I could do was watch.
It felt like my torn heart was festering. Seeing Ricardo’s wounds felt like a huge wound had formed in my already battered heart.
I shouted at Ricardo.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’
I knew my voice couldn’t reach Ricardo, but if I didn’t do something, I felt like I’d lose my mind.
My voice trembled.
Strength left my legs.
My breathing quivered.
Ricardo’s arms turning black and his complexion growing pale filled me with dread.
The past self held in his arms buried her face in Ricardo’s shoulder.
-Mikhail.
-…
-Mikhail…. My body is so hot.
-I’m sorry. It’s because… I ran here too urgently…
‘Why is he doing this for me…?’
I’ve done nothing for him.
All I ever do is get angry, so what does he even find lovable about me? If it were me…. If I were in his place, I wouldn’t do this.
If Ricardo had used dark magic and collapsed like I did…. Could I do what he’s doing now? No, I couldn’t.
Tears streamed endlessly.
‘So please… I beg you…!’
Stop it.
I wanted to believe it was just the residue of dark magic.
Like chocolate smeared on my hands, I wanted the direct cause not to be me. Even if I bore some fault, I hoped it was just a tiny, insignificant nuisance.
If that were all, maybe I could hold my head up a little.
But.
This is truly.
-Haa… haa…
There’s no way to escape.
Strength left my legs.
Before Ricardo, gasping for breath, I buried my face in my knees and sobbed.
I couldn’t watch.
I didn’t want to see it.
Knowing how much pain Ricardo must be in, seeing him dying—I knew it too well. I had experienced that pain briefly, and it had left my body in this state because of how terrible it was.
I couldn’t watch.
The pain of flesh burning away.
The terrible burning pain that damages the magic circuit and makes it feel like the entire body is being torn apart—this was happening to Ricardo incessantly. I knew it all too well.
‘Don’t do it, you fool…!’
Sitting on my heels, I shook my head desperately.
‘Huuugh… Huaaah…’
Ricardo gritted his teeth and endured the pain. Stroking the head of his past self, who had buried her face in his shoulder, he spoke in a trembling voice, without pause.
-Does it hurt a lot?
-Yeah. It hurts a lot. But it doesn’t hurt as much now.
-That’s a relief. Truly.
I clenched my fists tightly.
Wiping away the flowing tears and runny nose with my sleeve, I gritted my teeth and lifted my head.
I had to see.
I had to remember everything with my own eyes so I could apologize later. My heart felt like it was going to burst, and the flowing tears blurred my vision, but at this moment, I had to face the truth.
That way, I could beg for forgiveness and find out where he was hurt.
Ricardo wouldn’t show it.
Even if I begged and cried, he would smile foolishly and hide his wounds.
Clenching my teeth, I willed my trembling legs to move.
I had to see it up close.
That was the only way to know.
When I reached Ricardo again, I took a deep breath. I resolved to remember everything with my eyes.
Determined to go back and beg Ricardo for forgiveness and promise to do better, I sniffled and inhaled the runny nose.
‘I can do this.’
I’d seen myself completely ruined.
I’d seen Ricardo suffering in pain. So I told myself I wouldn’t be surprised anymore.
But. When I saw what happened next, my mind went blank, and I moved reflexively.
-Cough.
“Huh…?”
Blood flowed.
From Ricardo’s mouth.
With a small cough, fresh blood gushed out like a flood, trailing down Ricardo’s chin.
Ricardo’s eyes widened.
As if he hadn’t expected this to happen, he kept coughing, his shoulders trembling.
-Cough… cough…
I couldn’t keep my composure.
-Ah… this is bad.
Ricardo covered his mouth with his hand. Trembling, he coughed painfully.
-Cough… cough… ugh… ah. Haa… haa…
-Mikhail, does it hurt?
-No… cough… it’s nothing.
When the Past Self in his embrace tried to turn her head, Ricardo pressed the back of her head with his right hand, burying her face in his shoulder. He held her head in place, preventing her from looking back, while his other hand covered his mouth.
Watching this scene, the current me desperately grabbed Ricardo’s arm, the one holding the back of her head.
Even if my hand was repelled.
Even if it passed through his body like a ghost.
Like a madwoman, I struggled to tear Ricardo’s arm away.
“Let go…!”
[This is the Observer’s Perspective. You cannot interfere with the subject.]
“Let go!”
[This is the Observer’s Perspective. You cannot interfere with the subject.]
“You crazy bastard, let go… let go… let go… please…!”
[This is the Observer’s Perspective. You cannot interfere with the subject.]
“Let go… please…!”
As time passed, Ricardo’s complexion grew even paler.
Trembling all over like an aspen tree.
Losing focus in his eyes.
If only he let go of that hand.
If only he let go of that Crazy Woman clinging to him and calling out Mikhail’s name, he wouldn’t have to suffer like this.
What could he possibly find beautiful.
What could he possibly like about someone as stubborn and full of grudge as me… my chest felt like it was going to explode.
There was no answer in sight.
“I said stop, you fool…!”
He’s decaying.
His right hand was losing vitality, turning black.
The spreading Black Spots left scars all over his body, heating up his flesh, and Ricardo’s Magic Circuit had become tangled like a mess of twisted threads.
Ricardo’s deteriorating state.
It wasn’t a good sight to see.
I, who could do nothing, felt so pathetic and utterly foolish.
I clung to Ricardo and cried. I cried and cried like a madwoman.
“Stop… stop…!”
Ricardo bit his lip.
In a small voice I couldn’t hear, he murmured.
-This… really hurts.
-It must have hurt a lot.
-I’m really… glad I came.
There truly was no answer.
My mind turned blank, as if something had gone wrong, and no words came out. All I could do was foolishly let the tears flow.
Every time I saw Ricardo trembling with his hand shaking, as if even breathing was painful, memories of my past actions came flooding back.
-You smell.
-Smell?
-Yeah, it’s awful. Like something rotten.
Not long after his leg was injured, the words I had spoken returned to me like daggers.
-Get lost.
-I’ll make sure to clean up.
-Dirty commoner.
I recalled Ricardo’s figure since that day, dousing himself in Lilac Perfume to the point of dizziness.
Olivia clenched her fist at the sight.
“Ah….”
So that’s why.
The heavy scent of perfume.
The Long Shirt he always wore.
The sudden grabbing of his wrist and rushing out of the room.
It was all because of me.
On my knees, I pressed my forehead to the floor.
Bending over, I clawed at my chest, feeling like my heart was going to burst.
“Hic… haaah. Haa… it hurts… it hurts… my chest hurts so much…”
What is this.
What is this…
I didn’t know it would hurt this much.
“It hurts so much…”
I couldn’t lift my head.
“I’m sorry…”
I’m sorry for being so pathetic.
“I didn’t know it would turn out like this….”
I didn’t know you would be in this much pain.
“I’m really sorry…”
While clutching my chest and crying, Ricardo’s voice filled the room.
A low, calm voice.
A quiet monologue filled with a small question resonated softly.
-I can survive this, right?
Not words meant for himself.
Words spoken to his foolish and pathetic master.
All I could do was sit there crying.
***
Blood.
His entire body was soaked in blood.
My Past Self was asleep in Ricardo’s embrace, breathing evenly, while Ricardo lowered his head, gently stroking the hair of my sleeping self.
Blood dripped onto his pajamas.
His entire body was drenched in blood.
His face was exhausted with fatigue.
His lips were cracked like a desert.
His right hand, with its exposed bones, dripped with red blood.
I spoke.
“You said you couldn’t stand pain….”
Through sobs, I spoke.
“You said you couldn’t stand it.”
As I watched Ricardo, stroking my sleeping self without uttering a single scream, I resented him deeply.
Even as his veins swelled as if they were about to burst.
Even as Black Mana engulfed his Entire Body.
Even as his body suffered burns as a Repercussion of the Mana, that Butler silently endured it, whispering that he was fine.
I hated him so much.
“Then what am I supposed to do?”
Ricardo lightly tapped the cheek of his sleeping self and gave a small smile.
-I’m glad you’re alive.
With those words, the long Nightmare came to an end.
[Viewing has ended.]