Chapter 93: About to Lose My Breath (2)
“…Teacher!”
The door opened.
Jeong-min hastily hid the tablet he was looking at behind him.
“Wh-what…”
As soon as he turned his head, his expression completely changed.
Hyeon-yul was being carried on Shin-woo’s back.
“This way.”
He guided him to the bed.
“Calm down, Teacher.”
Shin-woo tried to calm Jeong-min.
How startled he must have been.
“I am calm, so tell me what happened.”
Perhaps because he had collapsed before, Jeong-min was calmer than expected.
But Jeong-min’s hands were moving busily.
“The villain we fought during the mission… said he knew Hyeon-yul. After that, Hyeon-yul started acting strangely.”
“What… did he say?”
Jeong-min’s hands stopped, and he looked at Shin-woo.
“He said he knew Hyeon-yul.”
“Did… did a part of Hyeon-yul’s body collapse?”
“That’s right!”
“……Ha.”
Jeong-min let out a breath.
He reached out and touched Hyeon-yul’s forehead.
“…Why are you doing that?”
“It’s shock.”
“Shock?”
“There’s a saying that even if the mind doesn’t remember, the body does. His body remembered that time.”
“Is that, um, because of the aftereffects of his brain circuits being fried by drugs?”
Shin-woo asked, stammering, as he had heard something to that effect, though he wasn't entirely sure.
“That’s right. The shock of trying to accept what’s left is too great. …Um, to put it simply, you can think of it as a plug suddenly being pulled out of an outlet.”
Even normally, Hyeon-yul would be greatly shaken by small emotions.
He had become numb because he couldn’t process the numerous stimuli.
It was as if he had chosen to erase various stimuli and emotions altogether.
However, there was a part he couldn't ignore, and that was everything related to when Hyeon-yul was an experiment subject.
Unable to handle the overwhelming flood, he protected himself by simply shutting down.
Hyeon-yul knew this fact, so he was particularly careful not to be shaken.
‘……As expected, he’s not okay.’
Jeong-min sighed as he faced the part that had been bothering him.
He himself had said he was fine, fine, but he wasn't.
“Even though I thought he naturally wouldn't be in good condition, he looked much, much worse than I expected.”
“How did he look?”
“Something… had changed. He seemed to be muttering.”
“Did he… take his medicine?”
“I don’t know what kind of medicine it was, but he took it about twice.”
Jeong-min was relieved by the fact that he had taken medicine.
What kind of medicine could it be?
“If it’s okay, may I ask what kind of medicine it is?”
Shin-woo ventured to ask, despite the potential impertinence.
Wouldn't he need to know more to be more considerate?
“Hyeon-yul takes several medications, but the one you probably saw is something like a drug that makes his damaged circuits smoother and function more efficiently.”
“……Um, is it psychiatric medication?”
Shin-woo couldn't quite grasp it.
“You could see it that way, but think of it as a pillar supporting a collapsing roof. That part is weak. So……”
Jeong-min continued his explanation, but then his eyes flickered for a moment.
‘…Hyeon-yul won’t like this.’
No matter what anyone said, Hyeon-yul truly hated being useless.
“So, I hope you don’t think it’s strange. It was just for a moment today. It happened so suddenly. It’s not that there’s a problem with Hyeon-yul, but really, isn’t everyone like that? If you don’t expect something, you panic, right? Just think of it that way.”
Shin-woo didn't feel at ease seeing him continue as if making excuses.
How much had he suffered?
It was visible.
“Teacher, it’s alright. You can just explain comfortably.”
“……”
Jeong-min was speechless for a moment.
Soon, he pressed his lips together firmly and slowly opened his mouth.
“It seems… strange, doesn’t it?”
“It doesn’t seem that way. Really.”
“I hope my explanation doesn’t become the standard by which you view Hyeon-yul. I just hope you understand it that way. This… I can’t explain it all. It’s truly… complicated.”
“…Is it because of the feeling of being erased from the world?”
Jeong-min looked at Shin-woo in surprise at his words.
It was a reaction as if he had heard something unfamiliar.
“Hyeon-yul is an amazing rookie. He’s our team member. I trust the Team Leader. And I trust Hyeon-yul too.”
Really?
As Jeong-min looked at him cautiously, Shin-woo smiled.
“I understand what happened today too. It’s natural to be flustered by such a long wait. Because I’m also constantly waiting to take my younger sibling… to a comfortable place soon.”
Shin-woo fiddled with his own hands.
He didn't know much, but he knew this one thing.
Hyeon-yul and Jeong-min seemed to have been abandoned by the world for a very, very long time.
“I don’t think what happened today is strange. I’m just worried about Hyeon-yul.”
Shin-woo reassured Jeong-min.
But a strange sense of caution didn't subside.
“Hyeon-yul is okay, right?”
“He’s fine. Like I said before, it was just difficult for him to handle the sudden truth, so his system automatically shut down.”
“Then I’ll rest assured and go out.”
Shin-woo smiled and stepped back.
“Shin-woo-yah.”
“Yes, Teacher.”
“…I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.”
“Oh my, Teacher. You don’t have to be. It’s really okay. I’m not that narrow-minded. I’m actually really broad-minded, you know?”
Shin-woo confidently patted his chest, but Jeong-min’s expression was still full of apology.
He could feel that he was a truly good person.
“If you’re that sorry, let’s have a meal together sometime later. How about that?”
“Sounds good, doesn’t it?”
“Hyeon-yul too.”
“…Uh, if we can, we should.”
As Jeong-min spoke weakly, Shin-woo finally laughed out loud.
“I’ll talk to the Team Leader, so don’t worry.”
Shin-woo bowed his head.
“Thank you.”
“Not at all. Please contact me when he wakes up. I’ll rush over immediately.”
As Shin-woo grinned, Jeong-min waved his hand.
‘He’s so very affable. I wish Hyeon-yul was like that too.’
Jeong-min held onto that small wish and started an IV drip.
He stared intently at Hyeon-yul, then patted his arm.
‘You’ve worked hard.’
Just thinking about what he must be feeling made his heart ache.
Isn't it sad that he himself couldn't accept those emotions?
When people are sad, they should be sad; when they are happy, they should be happy; and when they are angry, they should be angry.
All of that was truly difficult for Hyeon-yul.
“…Where’s Hyeon-yul?”
Hae-ryeon asked urgently as soon as Shin-woo arrived.
Her expression was so flustered that she even omitted the honorifics.
“Teacher Jeong-min said he’s okay. It was such a big shock that his system automatically shut down, something like that.”
Shin-woo’s expression wasn't bright even as he answered.
How big must the shock have been for him to faint?
“Is Brother Hyeon-yul’s arm really okay?”
As Ji-hwan asked, still surprised, Shin-woo finally smiled.
“I told you, that’s not Hyeon-yul’s arm.”
Shin-woo, who was about to sit down, hesitated.
“……Did you cry?”
Na-yoon’s eyes were red.
“I didn’t cry.”
“…Alright.”
“Ah, I was just upset. Upset! I saw it, but I couldn’t stop him! I should have just run! What was so important that I was… guarding my post.”
Na-yoon couldn't finish her sentence.
Her eyes welled up with tears again.
She thought she had lost a colleague again.
“I… was late. I’m sorry.”
“……No. I was the one who was late.”
Following Shin-woo’s apology, Ji-hwan slightly lowered his head.
He pressed his thumb firmly with his other fingers.
“If I hadn't been dazed, Brother Shin-woo wouldn't have been late.”
“It’s okay, Ji-hwan. I was the one who was late.”
“No. It was me! I just needed to shoot, but I hesitated. I was thinking about the mission in that situation. I’m crazy. I’m the crazy… one.”
Na-yoon bit her lip hard.
“Na-yoon-ssi, stop it. You’ll hurt your lip.”
Hae-ryeon stopped Na-yoon and looked at the others.
“Shin-woo-ssi and Ji-hwan-ssi, let’s stop too. Today’s events were an unexpected variable. For Hyeon-yul-ssi, and for us.”
That was the right way to look at it.
Blaming themselves wouldn't change anything.
Isn't it rather fortunate that they found out like this?
Imagining it happening when the situation had escalated was already dizzying.
“Team Leader.”
“Yes?”
When Shin-woo called her, Hae-ryeon looked at him.
“It’s about Hyeon-yul.”
Shin-woo hesitated.
What was he trying to say?
Hae-ryeon handed Na-yoon a tissue while waiting for him to speak.
“He seems to be much more… obsessed with the mission than I thought.”
He thought it could be possible with a light heart.
Because people who are greedy about missions can exist.
“And he seems to have been abandoned much, much more often than I thought.”
Since it was just his own thought, Shin-woo was considerably cautious.
“…Well, expressing it as ‘abandoned’ makes me feel somewhat sorry for Hyeon-yul, but I don’t know what else to say.”
He had struggled.
That was too weak a word to describe Hyeon-yul.
“I was thinking that too, and I’ve been seeing it that way.”
Hae-ryeon smiled brightly at Shin-woo.
“You only just realized that?”
Na-yoon looked at Shin-woo as if she found him unreliable.
She thought he already knew everything, but it seemed that wasn't the case.
‘Anyway, Baek Shin-woo is like that.’
Na-yoon dabbed her eyes with a tissue.
“…What?”
“I’m sorry to make the atmosphere heavier here… but Brother Hyeon-yul. It looks like he doesn’t have much time left.”
Ji-hwan also hesitated before speaking.
“……What?”
Shin-woo’s eyes looked like they would pop out at any moment.
“It’s actually true. Teacher Jeong-min told me.”
Hae-ryeon drove the point home.
She said Hyeon-yul’s lifespan was bound to be short.
Shin-woo’s expression darkened.
“I don’t know what you all might think, but from the moment I asked Hyeon-yul to join our team, I decided to carry all of that.”
Just as there were many advantages, disadvantages also existed.
But isn't that true for everyone?
“He was needed for our team, and I thought he was a necessary person for Black Eagle. I have no intention of sending Hyeon-yul-ssi back to the villains’ side.”
“I don’t either. At first, I tilted my head at the part about him being from a villain background, but then and now, I trusted the Team Leader. There’s also the fun of gradually figuring out why the Team Leader chose Hyeon-yul.”
Na-yoon’s lips curved into a long smile.
Hyeon-yul had supplemented all their shortcomings.
So, it was right for them to supplement Hyeon-yul’s shortcomings.
“That’s a matter of course. Brother Hyeon-yul, there… he must have really, really suffered a lot. I make a lot of mistakes too, so does it make sense to dislike him for something like this?”
Ji-hwan grimly clenched his fist and placed it on the desk.
If there were shortcomings, he probably had more.
“Even if he says he’s leaving, I’ll try to talk him out of it. I felt lonely because no one shared what they were thinking, but I’m glad to confirm that we’re all on the same page.”
Shin-woo slightly raised his hand and made a displeased face.
Anyway, they should have shared.
How petty.
“I don’t think of Hyeon-yul-ssi as special alone. I think of all of you as special. So let’s work through it one by one.”
Hae-ryeon smiled happily at everyone’s statements.
Hyeon-yul opened his eyes.
He saw a familiar ceiling.
“…Did I… collapse?”
“Are you okay?”
Jeong-min rushed over, out of breath.
“Yes. I’m perfectly fine.”
Hyeon-yul raised his hand, clenched it into a fist, and then opened it.
It worked well.
Then it was fine.
“Teacher. It seems the shock was greater than I anticipated.”
He didn't know how to express it.
Hyeon-yul turned his head and looked at Jeong-min.
He wondered if Jeong-min would show some emotion on his behalf.
“Of course, it’s big. Are you even asking?”
“Emotions that were too difficult rushed in. It was hard for me to understand, and hard for me to accept.”
“…That guy who knew you, did he… die by any chance?”
“Yes. I killed him without knowing anything. I should have cut him a little shallower. It’s my mistake.”
Hyeon-yul calmly admitted his mistake.
The emotions that had overwhelmed him before he collapsed no longer existed.
“How much longer do I have to take this?”
Hyeon-yul pointed to the IV drip.
A mistake had occurred during the mission.
This too was his mistake.
He had to at least explain himself.
“It’s okay.”
“What’s okay?”
“Team Leader Hae-ryeon told me to finish this and go home.”
“…Go home? Or am I kicked out?”
Hyeon-yul asked, wondering if it was true.
Collapsing during a mission was a serious matter, enough to risk death.
“Go home.”
“Really?”
Hyeon-yul asked in surprise.
“Hyeon-yul.”
“Yes.”
“This place won’t kick you out.”
Jeong-min smiled softly.
“You don’t know that. I can’t be kicked out. I absolutely cannot be kicked out.”
If he didn't know, he wouldn't have cared, but now that he had received the benefits, he couldn't go back to the past.
Anyone would feel the same.
Hyeon-yul clutched the blanket.
“Hyeon-yul. Let’s just… breathe a little and live. Being on edge like that also leads to overwork. You said you hated an overworking life.”
“That’s what I said. …But Teacher.”
“Yes, Hyeon-yul.”
“I said it. I said that I… am the one who knows my past self.”
“You, Hyeon-yul?”
“Yes.”
“You…?”
“I said it. Even if I wasn’t in a sound state, I shouldn’t have done that. I thought it could be an excuse for why I was so discomposed, but being discomposed itself was the problem. The words I uttered only served to reveal my weakness.”
To become a Black Eagle, he thought there had to be something that would appeal to them, besides the fact that he was a villain.
That was being an experiment subject.
He wanted them to pity him.
Whether it was compassion or something else, he wanted them to be shaken.
Because that itself wasn't a weakness for him.
But this time was different.
“Why… did I do that?”
Hyeon-yul felt a sense of wonder.
It was an uncharacteristic action for him.
“Knowing that being useless means death, why did I say such a thing? Why… did I reveal my weakness?”
Even thinking about it again, he couldn't understand.
Black Eagle and his past couldn't have a relationship of mutual interest.
It was an inefficient act.
Hyeon-yul waited for Jeong-min’s words.
But he suddenly laughed.
Why.
“Why are you laughing?”
“Just a moment, Hyeon-yul.”
“Yes.”
Hyeon-yul waited quietly.
Jeong-min picked up his phone and called someone.
“Yes, Team Leader. Hyeon-yul has woken up.”
As soon as he realized it was Hae-ryeon, Hyeon-yul sat up.
“…Why… are you calling the Team Leader?”
“Because I thought that would reassure you, Hyeon-yul.”
“I think it’s an action that distances me from the word ‘reassurance’.”
“You’ve changed.”
“Yes?”
“You’ve changed, Hyeon-yul. In my opinion, it’s in a good direction.”
“I haven’t changed at all.”
“Yes, that’s possible.”
Jeong-min nodded as if he roughly understood.
“Teacher. If you say it like that, I don’t understand. What part has changed?”
“It might be a little for some, but in my eyes, you’ve changed a lot.”
In Jeong-min’s eyes, Hyeon-yul was accepting his team members.
Wasn't he doing things he had never done for anyone but himself?
Even if not now, the day would come when Hyeon-yul would realize it himself.
Hyeon-yul turned his head.
He had just called, but was it possible for them to arrive so quickly?
The door opened abruptly.
“Are you really okay, Hyeon-yul-ssi?”
Hae-ryeon approached and looked at Hyeon-yul’s condition.
“…Ah, I’m sorry. I was too… hasty and was rude.”
Hae-ryeon soon apologized to Jeong-min.
She had acted rudely.
“It can happen.”
Jeong-min smiled with a kind face.
He casually raised his hand and pointed at Hyeon-yul.
“Hyeon-yul is fine, as you can see.”
“Is he really… that okay?”
Hae-ryeon discreetly asked Jeong-min because Hyeon-yul’s expression wasn’t good.
“Team Leader. This mission, due to my inexperience……”
Loud footsteps were heard.
“You, you, are you okay?”
Following Na-yoon’s voice, Hyeon-yul tilted his head.
Why had she come here?
More sounds of breathing and footsteps were heard.
“You…! Rest! Understand?”
Shin-woo said, panting for breath.
“That’s right. As Shin-woo-ssi said, rest tomorrow, Hyeon-yul-ssi. You really worked hard today. Thanks to you, we rescued the White Sparrows. Everyone asked me to tell you thank you too.”
“……Yes?”
Hyeon-yul didn't understand Hae-ryeon’s words.
You worked hard.
Thank you.
All were very unfamiliar words.
Jeong-min was grinning, but Hyeon-yul didn't see it.
They weren't reprimanding him.
What should he call this?
“Why… hasn’t everyone gone home yet?”
That was all he could manage to say.
Anything more was difficult.
Suddenly, laughter erupted from around him.
“We were waiting for you to wake up……”
“We-we were waiting for you to wake up!”
Ji-hwan grabbed the doorway and barely shouted.
He then slumped down, panting.
It felt like the fastest he had ever run in his life.
“…They said he’s the leader.”
Ji-hwan said with a grin.
“You did it, Brother Hyeon-yul!”
Hyeon-yul stared blankly at them.
He was speechless at a sight he had never seen before in his life.
Strangely, it felt as if sunlight was pouring down.
Hyeon-yul blinked his eyes and then quietly took out his medicine.
‘Am I… seeing hallucinations?’