Chapter 002: The Path of the Stars Leads to the Grave
“Stop whining and get up.”
I couldn’t tell if this was the afterlife or a dream.
All I knew was that the sensation of my body, lying down with my eyes closed, felt vividly real.
“I said, get up.”
And one more thing.
This voice… somehow, it felt nostalgic.
“…Bihen!”
At the shout, my eyes snapped open.
“Haaagh—!”
The rush of reality’s sensations flooded through me, from the tips of my limbs to the core of my mind, stirring my entire body.
I gasped for air, like someone who had nearly drowned and was miraculously saved.
“…Pathetic. That’s enough for today.”
As my consciousness steadied, my blurry vision gradually regained its natural colors.
I lifted my head.
The middle-aged man who had been urging me on had already turned and was walking away.
The moment I saw his fluttering left sleeve, my eyes burned with heat.
“…Father.”
He stopped abruptly.
No, Father—he only twisted his head slightly.
I wished I could realize this was a dream sooner.
If it was, I could cry freely without worry.
But contrary to my hopes, the sensations of reality were steadily falling back into place.
The feel of the eyepatch covering my left eyelid, the sensation of saliva sliding down my throat, the smell of old wood, the smooth touch of fine fabric against my skin… things like that.
“I told you not to call me that.”
I realized it clearly. This wasn’t a lie.
Every time I heard that response, a stinging pain gripped my chest, and it was no different now.
I clenched my teeth hard. My fists trembled.
Whether this was real or not, I didn’t care.
This time, I had no reason to hold back.
“If I don’t call Father ‘Father,’ then what should I call you!”
…Why was it that every time, I had to forcibly swallow these words that welled up in my throat?
No one had even told me to.
“The head of the house. The fourth head of the Benkou family.”
His voice was utterly calm.
“And you… you are my mistake and a burden to this family.”
“….”
“So the responsibility is entirely mine. Resent me as much as you want.”
Father… yes, the heartless head of the house left without looking back.
The creaking of the wooden floor grew distant with each step.
“…Hah.”
My strength drained, and my shoulders slumped.
The emptiness left behind after venting my anger was hollow.
‘Damn it, why bother with something I can’t even break even on…’
Humans are creatures of regret, aren’t they? Belatedly, I noticed the wooden sword lying at my feet.
‘…Right, yeah. After I turned fifteen, I used to spar with Father like this from time to time.’
Whether it was sparring or one-sided beating, I’m still not sure… but anyway.
I lifted the wooden sword with both hands, feeling its weight, and gripped the handle tightly to gauge the strength of my hold.
It hit me in that moment.
‘Why am I alive?’
And why, of all times, at this moment?
‘I was definitely killed by Griem.’
The moment of my death was still vivid.
I touched the nape of my neck, where Griem’s blade had struck.
Not only was it unharmed…
My hands, once scarred and rough, were now smooth and soft, as if they belonged to a novice.
‘…What the hell is going on?’
I looked around in a daze and let out a hollow laugh.
The sight of this place, after so long, felt unexpectedly comforting.
This was the training hall, a separate annex of the Benkou estate.
‘Practically my personal training hall. The other family members used the spacious, pristine main hall.’
Having an exclusive training hall didn’t mean I enjoyed any great privilege.
In truth, I was essentially confined here.
‘They say memory tends to glorify things.’
I smirked and scanned my surroundings.
Every spot my eyes landed on stirred faint, nostalgic memories.
Creak.
My wandering gaze stopped at the back door.
I frowned at the light seeping through the gap…
Then my eyes and mouth widened in shock. The wooden sword slipped from my hands.
Thud.
Someone peeked in from outside, smiling gently at me.
The reason I could endure this damned Benkou family, the sole haven of my entire past life… was standing right there.
“My baby, are you done now?”
“…Grandmother.”
I ran to her and embraced her.
“Oh my, I can’t breathe! What’s gotten into you all of a sudden?”
To anyone watching, I probably looked like a madman.
I let go of Grandmother, studied her face carefully, then hugged her again, repeating the cycle.
“You must’ve had a scary dream while napping, my little one.”
I bit my trembling lower lip with my front teeth.
A star-shaped hairpin adorned the right side of Grandmother’s hair.
Every year, I gave her a hairpin for her birthday, and she wore them always, except when bathing.
The silver star-shaped hairpin was from her eightieth birthday.
The golden apple hairpin from her eighty-first was the last gift I gave her…
Right now, I was seventeen.
Ten years ago.
“…Yeah. It was a scary dream. Really.”
The familiar, comforting scent of Grandmother’s skin filled my senses.
I held her tightly, as if I had been running toward this moment my entire life.
I wished time would just stop like this.
A shiver ran through me.
Tears were falling from beneath my left eyepatch.
* * *
After reuniting with Grandmother, I hurried back to my bedroom.
Without time to feel moved by the familiar scenery, I sat in front of the mirror.
“Hoo, hoo…”
My breathing quickened.
I carefully lifted the eyepatch.
‘…!’
Where there should have been an empty socket, an eye was firmly in place.
“How… how is this…”
I slowly shifted my gaze.
Was this bedroom always this large and spacious?
When I looked back at the mirror, my left pupil moved in sync with my right, rolling smoothly.
When I closed my eyelids, they shut together as one.
“…Ha. This is insane.”
I opened my left eye wide, leaned close to the mirror, and examined the eyeball closely.
Unlike my right pupil, which was a deep brown, the new left pupil had a faint blue tint, subtle enough to miss unless you looked closely.
“…What in the world is happening?”
Until this very moment—perhaps even until my final moments—I might have wished for it.
Wished that I, too, could have a complete left eye.
At the end, when I finally broke through the wall I’d longed to surpass, had my regrets and the heavens’ pity aligned to bring about this series of miracles?
I barely calmed my racing heart. My mind was blank, unable to process anything.
Knock—knock—
“Young master, the great lady is waiting.”
“Y-yeah. Got it.”
I covered my eye with the eyepatch again and left the bedroom.
There was no place for me at the daily dinners attended by Father, my uncle, and his three children.
Eating alone with Grandmother, like now, was my routine.
So I never thought of it as anything special.
“Why are you staring so intently? What, no appetite?”
“…No, it’s not that.”
“It’s getting cold, so eat up. It’s made with fresh apples, so the flavor’s lovely. My baby always hated the smell of pork, didn’t you?”
…Sorry, Grandmother. In the army, you get used to anything.
Now that I think about it, I was pretty carefree back then.
I even had the luxury of complaining about food.
To be honest… yeah, I still didn’t have much of an appetite.
It felt like the jerky I chewed that morning in my past life was still stuck between my teeth.
The metallic taste of blood, which filled my mouth just before I died, lingered in my throat.
Even so, I finished the meal with determination.
Because this moment felt desperately precious.
As always, Grandmother and I took a walk near the estate after dinner.
It gave me slight chills.
Even so, walking leisurely under the familiar, nostalgic night sky, listening to the chirping of crickets in my hometown, my heart’s turmoil gradually settled.
“It’s nice. Was the night scenery here always this beautiful?”
“Ho ho, what’s gotten into our young master, saying things like that?”
I swung my wooden sword, cutting through the overgrown grass as I walked.
How should I put it? In an atmosphere of warmth that I, as a person, had never been allowed to experience…
The bloodstained memories of my past life were washed clean, and the blank spaces that formed in their place began to come into clear view, one by one.
I mulled them over and spoke.
“Grandmother, about that dream I had earlier.”
“Judging by how you’re acting, it must’ve been quite a nightmare.”
“…In it, you passed away, and I was cast out of the family.”
Grandmother let out a soft chuckle, as if it was absurd.
I went on, framing my past life’s history as a dream—how I met a friend in similar circumstances, bonded, wandered together, enlisted with grand dreams, stood at the forefront of the Kingdom’s invasion, and ultimately died in vain.
“Even though you kept saying you hated it… it seems our Benkou swordsmanship was pretty useful to you.”
“Well, yeah.”
“That’s enough for me. If you fulfilled your role as a member of Benkou, that’s all I need.”
…In the end, Grandmother is a woman of the Empire, isn’t she?
The story of the “Old Knight” came up while we rested by the stream.
“The path a swordsman must walk… chivalry. That’s impressive.”
“You think so too, Grandmother?”
Grandmother placed both hands gently on her knees and looked up.
The moonlight illuminated her kind wrinkles.
“In the Empire, they’re busy praising ideals of swordsmanship, methods to grow stronger, and the value of techniques to pass down to future generations… but no one talks about their duties.”
“….”
“That knight truly ascended. In the moment before death, his spirit transcended his body and shone. In that sense, it aligns with the Benkou creed, so it was pleasant to hear.”
The family creed, which I thought only meant to silently persevere, struck me anew.
The path of the sword leads to the grave.
Like a single star rising above the vast sea, I could now see the path I must take.
There had to be a reason I’d crossed the line of death, returned ten years into the past, and gained a new eye.
‘I regretted my life once.’
…That was enough of a milestone for this life.
“Bihen.”
Grandmother called me in a wistful voice, her gaze still lingering somewhere in the night sky.
“It’s shameful for me, as your grandmother, to say this… but please, don’t hate your father too much.”
Come to think of it, Grandmother said this all the time.
Back then, it made me angry.
Her kindness and care felt like they stemmed from guilt over Father.
“Your father… he’s paying a harsh price for choosing to be the head of a family over being an ordinary father.”
In my past life, I replied:
I didn’t want to hear that as an excuse.
Now, I reply:
“…I know.”
Despite possessing the unparalleled Benkou swordsmanship, the Benkou family was deemed a low-ranking warrior family because…
Of hereditary physical defects or horrific diseases.
The eldest heir of the Benkou family inherited both the talent for swordsmanship and these fatal flaws, so in the Empire’s culture of recognizing merit through consistent talent, the family’s progress was inevitably stalled.
‘Father wanted to break this vicious cycle in his generation.’
And I was the blemish born from a single night’s mistake.
“I’m sorry, my baby. I’m so sorry…”
In my past life, I didn’t see Grandmother’s tears at this point.
Because by then, I’d already stormed off.
The Bihen of that time was too young to understand any of this.
No, he didn’t even feel the need to.
“Grandmother, and Bihen. So this is where you were.”
I slowly turned my head toward the voice.
“…Brother Palas.”
Palas Benkou.
My uncle’s eldest son, the man who would later succeed Father as head of the Benkou family and the one responsible for my expulsion from the family.