Chapter 20
Prologue, The Lonely God
To be honest, I don't really think of myself as a good person.
Even when I see news about incidents, I rarely feel sympathy for the victims, and when I see people crying or making a fuss, I just think they should use that time to solve the root of the problem.
Unlike me, my sister, who apparently was born with proper conscience and common sense, used to laugh and say, 'You just don't get it, big brother.'
At times like that, most people would show disgust, avoidance, or a sense of relief and superiority from being normal, but from my sister alone, I felt a kind of affection like one would show to a hopeless child.
I never really cared about it myself.
Just as there are people born without arms or eyes, there must be people born with something missing in their minds too.
But when did I come to realize that it wasn't just that?
There was a time when all our relatives gathered for a memorial service or something, and the children were brought together. I don't remember whose house it was, but I do remember a white bird in a dry garden filled with white gravel.
One of the adults handed us a cleaver that was far too big and heavy for us at the time and told us to kill the bird.
I had no reason to take the lead, so I just watched the bird pecking at the gravel. Some of the children tried to run away or hid in fear.
My sister clung to my sleeve and started sobbing.
I thought we should wrap this up quickly. I also thought it didn't make sense that we eat chicken but wouldn't kill this bird.
So, I took the cleaver and killed the bird.
Red splattered across the white gravel, blood ran down its smooth, shiny surface, soaking the earth beneath. My sister cried even harder.
After that, one of the relatives wrapped my blood-covered hand in a towel and told me a story.
In this land, people like me who lack compassion are occasionally born. That's not a bad thing.
It's proof that they have a heart closer to that of a god than other humans. They watch over people, but they don't grieve or mourn their misfortunes as if they were their own.
The guardian god of this village is a lonely being who spends eternity alone.
That's why someone is needed to be by its side, and in this village, those with the right traits have been paired to produce such people.
That's the kind of story it was.
After hearing that, I decided I would leave the village with my sister as soon as I became an adult. And I did.
I never intended to get married, but my sister apparently had such desires.
When she told me she had a boyfriend from university and wanted me to meet him soon, I remembered what the village adults had said.
In my hometown village, something close to inbreeding had apparently been practiced. Even if my sister herself was normal, could we really say those inherited traits wouldn't affect her child?
Looking back now, I probably just wanted to confirm it wasn't true, even though I claimed I wanted to verify the facts. After half a year, I returned to my hometown from Tokyo.
After walking a while from the station, I arrived at a small marsh in the village and met a man and a woman.
The woman spoke to me. I didn't remember her, but she said she had been one of the children at the family gathering. The man with her was her fiancé, and they were on their way to greet her parents.
Watching the two of them chatting happily, I felt like coming here had been pointless. But I couldn't ignore the sound that kept echoing, like a heavy sandbag being dragged, mixed in with their cheerful conversation.
When I glanced toward the marsh, the surface of the water was swirling.
A huge snake stirred the swamp, and concentric ripples spread through the muddy water filled with soil and dead leaves. In the center, I thought I saw a face.
When I turned around, the man had collapsed to the ground in fear. The woman erased her earlier smile, looked down at her fiancé as if he were trash, and coldly muttered,
"So even the son of the shrine wasn't good enough."
The woman disappeared into the thicket surrounding the marsh, leaving the man behind. The swirling water vanished as if it had been a lie.
I didn't speak to either of them again and returned to Tokyo.
Even now, I sometimes think I should have stopped my sister's marriage.
I just didn't know how to explain it.
When I saw her laughing with the man she brought home, I convinced myself that the two of them would be okay.
Even now, I wish I had stopped it.
My sister never came back again, and her husband regretted it so much that it ruined his life.
Katagishi is probably searching for the god who took his sister—Misaki—from him. That's why he keeps doing this dangerous job.
It should've been only a heartless person like me who got involved with gods.