Chapter 117: The Shape of Friendship [side Mishima Satsuki]
I thought I was being friendly to everyone.
...Because the most amazing girl close to me, Rena Kashii, was like that.
Back when I was in Rena Kashii's faction, I was one of the top girls.
Kashii: "Mishima-san, you notice things even I don't, don't you?"
Beautiful and cute, good at sports, studies, and all sorts of skills.
A legendary girl in our generation, often called the perfect woman.
After we were split into different classes, we didn't interact much, and I thought it might be time to form my own group, but I couldn't build the lineup I wanted, so I've been stuck in the second clique or lower...
So basically, I thought of "friends" as something I was doing, like I was lowering my rank to accept them.
That's why, when I went to high school, since I was going to Hokusho, I basically cut off all my friends from lower-tier schools, and I didn't feel any regret about it.
Once I got into Hokusho, I could just make new friends who were more suitable for me.
...That's what I thought.
I succeeded in my high school debut, quickly rose to the top of the caste system, gained confidence, and blamed Kousuke for all the frustrations and failures I'd experienced until then.
I liked him so much, but seeing Kousuke broken and weakened after I dumped him, or when we talked afterward, gave me a slight pang of guilt, but it also felt satisfying to rub it in his face.
After giving my virginity to Masaki, within just over six months of being at the top of the caste, the situation around me changed drastically.
I fell from being one of the top girls to becoming a loner.
All my followers and friends left me.
Masaki's family fell into ruin, and he himself got flamed for apology press conferences, and though we're still dating, our relationship has completely cooled off.
In the fall, during a beauty contest where I aimed to climb even higher, I was unexpectedly tripped up by a fat girl I had looked down on.
I resented that Yukari Tomonaga.
For surpassing me in appearance, and for casually going back to being fat despite having such potential.
And for dating that guy, Kyuto, who's all looks and nothing else.
I didn't like any of it, it irritated me, and I even took it out on her when we met.
When I came up with a plan to use Ichinose-senpai, the student council president, I was thwarted by Ichinose and Nagase, which made me even more depressed, hurt, and self-destructive... and Yukari helped me without saying a word.
...She quietly ate dinner with me, even though I'm a mess...
She didn't ask me anything...
She suggested we study tough subjects together to pass to the next grade...
Honestly, I'm completely captivated by Yukari.
...It's not like I'm a lesbian or anything.
Is it her capacity? Her generosity?
Yukari is big in every way, including her figure,
but her mentality is rock-solid, unshakable.
Is that what they call being calm and composed?
If it were me, I couldn't stand being that fat; I'd think of it as lazy and disgusting, a failure of a woman, and I did think that.
But...
Yukari: "Is appearance really that important...? ...Is it important...?"
She respects my values...
I know it too, that I'm too obsessed with it, that it's not everything.
But if I admit that... it feels like I'm denying all my past efforts and history...
But when we talked about things like that,
Can I borrow your mirror? When I handed it to her, Yukari said,
Yukari: "Heh heh heh! I'm fat! I'm definitely fat! Wow, I'm fat!"
She laughed, "Heh heh heh!" in an amused way.
She wasn't mocking herself for being fat, nor was she holding back.
It's not that she denies it; she accepts it.
You're a girl, aren't you? Is that okay with you?
If you lost weight, you could compete with me, you know, a girl with that much potential?
I insist on that point.
Yukari smiled gently and said,
Yukari: "...From your perspective, Satsuki. ...Do I look that unhappy? That disgusting? That pitiful?"
With her hair swaying in the breeze, eating potato chips as a snack in the courtyard, Yukari looked so happy...
Smiling happily, Yukari had a serene, compassionate expression, like a statue of a Bodhisattva...
"...No way! ...You even look beautiful...!"
To think the day would come when I'd call a fat girl beautiful?!
I'm shocked at myself.
It wasn't out of consideration, restraint, or flattery.
It was my true feelings.
Compared to me, who's trapped, bound by constraints, a loner, and at risk of failing a grade, how free and beautiful Yukari is...!
※Yukari is also at risk of failing a grade.
Since then, I've been spending more time with Yukari.
...We talk when we feel like it, and when we don't, we barely speak, to the point where it might look like we're ignoring each other.
But it feels calming, comfortable.
...This is a first for me.
I thought friendships always had a hierarchy, with consideration, peer pressure, and the need for political skills like networking or entertaining, and that's why I wanted to climb higher. Helping each other? That's just an illusion, right? That's what I thought.
Yukari isn't like that. She's natural, just completely natural.
...Come to think of it, I realize this kind of relationship isn't entirely new to me.
...My ex-boyfriend Kousuke and my best friend Tachibana.
Those two were like this.
They'd have heated debates or say silly things, but then they'd also silently read different books in the same room. Isn't that awkward? I asked, and
Kousuke: "...No, it's actually super calming."
He said that, and I didn't get it at all back then, but now I kind of understand.
...Lately, I've been realizing a lot of things, and it's subtly annoying to be reminded that Kousuke's actions and thoughts had meaning...
Well, whatever.
Anyway, I can't just leave Yukari, who's hurting right in front of me.
Yukari is trying so hard to eat without making me feel burdened...!
※Because I'm treating her.
I... I want to pass to the next grade with Yukari!
Lately, school hasn't been fun; I've been wondering if it even has meaning.
Thanks to Yukari, every day is fun now!
I can't afford to fail a grade!
I'm preparing for the final exams with Yukari!
Because I've finally understood the meaning of friendship...!
...I hate to do this, but can I press Kousuke about his responsibility for bringing me to Hokusho and somehow get him to teach me? Maybe I can come up with some excuse...?