They said that life was fundamentally about being thrown into the world regardless of one’s will.
Although it’s subject to interpretation, I believed there was no more accurate expression from the standpoint of someone who had been thrown into the world twice. Just as I hadn’t chosen to start my first life, my second life wasn’t a choice either.
However, ultimately, it was my duty to accept the world within it.
Just as I came to terms with the fact that my past life had already ended, I also decided to accept my life as Lee Yena, along with all the guilt, karma, and happiness. To accept it fully without evasion or selection.
So—
It was time to stop pretending to avoid it.
—Tap, tap
With a gesture, I invited Jinhee, who stood dazedly even though there was an empty space left on the sofa. It was a bit odd to invite someone to sit on someone else’s sofa in someone else’s house.
“Oh, sure! It’s good to talk. Want something to drink? Should I get some beer, maybe?”
“Hmm… I’m fine. I want to talk about something without drinking.”
Jinhee flinched, looking uncertain and anxious. She always seemed so worried about something. Sometimes, I felt a little mischievous and wanted to probe further.
I was curious about how she saw me that she reacted so intensely to my every move. One day, I should definitely ask about it. It might be something to add to my mental to-do list. But—
Not today.
Today, there was something I needed to say. Something I had been avoiding all this time. Something I had consciously tried not to acknowledge, while deceiving and tormenting myself to keep it hidden.
There was a feeling I needed to convey.
Jinhee.
No, Ark.
To the one who had enabled me to survive the life I had been thrown into,
To my Ark.
* * * *
People become fearful when they do something out of character.
And Lee Yena refusing a drink was out of character, no matter what anyone said. She would rather sneak in alcohol—drinking soju disguised as water, or adding whiskey to her coffee… such things wouldn’t make her anxious.
But wanting to talk without drinking.
Jinhee slowly walked towards the sofa, carefully observing Yena’s expression.
She looked somewhat resolute, yet also appeared a bit strained.
Had she noticed?
It was possible. Feelings of affection weren’t so easily hidden. It was a common story where everyone but the person involved had already noticed how much someone liked them.
Moreover… recently, Jinhee had resolved to be more proactive.
Maybe she had shown her feelings earlier at the gathering. Thinking back, all she remembered was nervously rambling in front of the familiar face she hadn’t seen in a while and laughing loudly out of joy.
Ironically, that might have made it even more obvious.
‘Is this… a gentle rejection?’
It was entirely possible. Although Yena seemed to go at her own pace, she was someone who cared deeply about others’ feelings. She might be trying to gently reject Jinhee to avoid causing pain before they both got hurt…
If so, not relying on alcohol made it even more like Yena.
Just the thought brought a tightness to her chest, but the reason was entirely convincing.
All the puzzle pieces seemed to be falling into place. The times she hadn’t been reachable while in America, the startled expression she wore when they ran into each other at the airport.
“The bed… avoiding that too.”
It felt a bit unfair. Had she misunderstood her, thinking she was one of those people who forced themselves on others? No, surely not. If that had been the case, she wouldn’t have come to her house.
But then again, what did it all mean?
She already knew. Dreaming of happiness beyond her means—of course, she had known that much.
“Still, I wanted today to end happily.”
Kim Jinhee desperately blinked away the tears welling up in her eyes. With larger strides than usual, she approached as if everything was normal and she was perfectly happy. She sat primly in the spot Lee Yena had vacated, a small smile rising to her lips.
It was her first heartbreak from her first love.
She didn’t want to show an unsightly side of herself.
“… I’m prettier on the left.”
As she awaited the final verdict, she tried to conjure up random thoughts. Jinhee turned to face Yena.
With lips slightly parted as if selecting her words, and head tilted to one side, Yena looked… still as lovely as ever. Even when those lips would soon utter words that would tear her heart apart, she would still seem irresistibly charming.
“What? What are you saying! Me? No, no. That’s too much. W-what? Me? No, I really like Yena! But as a cherished little sister. What? Wow, is it because I’ve been talking about female fans so much that you’re thinking like this? How do you see me?”
Thus, Jinhee mentally rehearsed lines that might allow her to respond naturally. She wanted to ensure Yena wouldn’t feel any guilt, wouldn’t feel bad about hurting a friend.
So she could quietly, silently lay her feelings to rest.
“… It’s a bit strange. You might laugh at what I’m about to say.”
Whether Yena knew how Jinhee felt or not, her words, after a significant pause, were brutal yet undeniable.
Well, what could she call it? It’s a preemptive strike, suspecting that the unnie she’s become close to, a woman, might actually like her.
From the start, the premise was strange. Fundamentally odd.
But admitting that would mean recognizing her love as strange.
“Okay.”
A longer response would likely produce a nasal tone. Jinhee leaned deeper into the sofa, nodding briefly. Her mind raced, producing countless responses to refute Yena’s suspicion.
“Do you remember, a while ago? We were drinking… at a pub. The day we talked about dreams.”
It was impossible to forget.
It was the day Yena had first jokingly mentioned liking girls.
But in retrospect, that was also the day Yena burrowed deeply into Jinhee’s heart. Not because of the joke about liking girls. Simply because Yena had appeared so blurry that day. As if she’d vanish if not embraced. She longed to hold her forever, for a lifetime.
That was the day.
Was that where the denial began? That very day?
She couldn’t hold back her tears any longer. Absolutely not.
“I have to pretend like I’m yawning—”
*yawn*
Jinhee let out a small yawn, dutifully opening her mouth and exhaling, rubbing her eyes with both hands to wipe away the tears. As if the tears were from yawning, careful not to smudge her makeup.
“Sorry. A bit due to alcohol. Tell me. I’m listening.”
Even in that moment, she couldn’t completely banish the worry about upsetting Yena.
Jinhee forced a bitter smile and nodded again.
“It’s okay. It’ll be brief… very brief.”
Lee Yena also nodded in agreement with her, albeit with an awkward smile. The moment was too hard to watch, so she gently closed her eyes.
“The story I told you that day… about dreaming of Jinhee, when Ark appeared. It was real. You wouldn’t believe it, but it was true. Even in the dream, Ark was doing a KoK broadcast. The game’s popularity was falling so much that the scale of the broadcast was much smaller. But I saw it occasionally. Not often, but from time to time. Before waking from the dream, it was frequent.”
What was she talking about?
As the story unfolded in an entirely unexpected direction, Jinhee looked up at Yena, dumbfounded. However, Yena seemed lost in memories, her gaze already drifting away from Jinhee’s face.
“Heh.”
“It sounds weird, even saying it out loud. But… have you ever had that feeling? You wake up from a dream, but reality feels so unfamiliar. And even if you fall back asleep, the dream doesn’t return; no matter how much you drink, the chilling unfamiliarity doesn’t fade… That’s how it was, day by day.”
Yena’s eyes, moist with tears, refocused on Jinhee. Her previously distant look slowly came back into focus.
“There was a place where I could breathe back then. Only one.”
“… Breathe?”
“Yes. Because I was scared. Everything was scary… and painful. I couldn’t do anything. Then I found something. Someone I had only seen in dreams. Someone who seemed to come from an unknown distance to rescue me.”
Silence filled the dim living room following Yena’s trailing voice.
Jinhee, who had steeled herself to react brightly and nonchalantly to any cruel words, found herself utterly at a loss for how to respond.
“So, I participated a little—no, a lot—in viewer engagements. If I didn’t, I felt like I would die.”
“… Huh?”
“I’m sorry. But… I was just trying to survive too. You saved a person’s life… so maybe you’ll be rewarded. Like having good team luck this season. Or reaching challenger rank in your next life.”
“Heh.”
“Sorry. It’s late, but I am.”
Yena bowed her head again. Her lips contained a faint hint of mischief, yet her eyes continued to glisten with moisture.
“… Suddenly?”
“Yes. So, Jinhee, you don’t have to feel sorry. For any of it. The scales have already tipped significantly.”
Perhaps it was the wine she had almost guzzled down alone in the room earlier. Or maybe it was the story that had exceeded her imagination. Whatever the reason, her mind was spinning, unable to comprehend the situation.
“So, that was the strange story I had to tell. Now, I’ll talk about what I want to. Something laughable. But if possible… laugh after I’m done.”
Jinhee could only nod as if hypnotized. She slowly sat up straight on the sofa, thinking that nothing would faze her anymore. Nodding, mechanically. Blankly—
“I like you.”
Nodding—
“… What?”
“I like you.”
Had she misheard? No, she’d said it twice to avoid that very misunderstanding. What had she just heard? Jinhee’s brain refused to process it, as fireworks exploded in her mind. Amidst it all, the pounding of her heart echoed in her ears.
“Me, me?”
“Yes. I thought a lot about it. Worries I couldn’t even talk about. The story is too long if I’m honest… Yes. I like you. Jinhee.”
“Heh.”
A nasal laugh.
Simultaneously, the tears welling in Yena’s eyes began trickling down her cheeks, touching her trembling lips.
Finally, regaining a bit of her senses, Jinhee felt her face burning with embarrassment—no, almost like it was on fire. Imagining how much she must have agonized over saying this, how frail and easily hurt Yena had bravely opened up first, made her feel incredibly guilty but also extraordinarily happy.
Caught in the emotional whirlwind welling up from deep within her, Jinhee found herself at a loss for words.
“I like you, unnie.”
Lee Yena, seemingly misunderstanding the silence, quietly murmured again and stood up from her seat.
From that moment, her body moved on its own.
Her hand grabbed her wrist. It was more delicate than she had thought. With a light pull, she followed. Breathy sounds shook. A sudden warmth enveloped her. She could feel the pounding heartbeat. Glittering eyes. The breaths tickled. A hand brushed back her hair. Ah, she should have brushed her teeth.
So soft.
How many seconds passed? No, maybe it was minutes. Judging by how breathless she already was.
After the moment she had desperately wished would last forever ended, and amidst her gasping breaths.
“It tastes like wine.”
With crescent-shaped, glittering eyes, the fox before her spoke.
She was so beautiful.
Kim Jinhee couldn’t say anything; she just leaned back into the embrace, snuggling in deeper.
If the dream-like reality that Yena mentioned existed, if indeed this was such a dream, she wished never to wake.
No—
Even if she woke, she hoped that Yena would still be in her reality.
* * * *
“Hey.”
“Yes.”
“Did you know I like Yena?”
“Yes.”
“… Since when?”
“It’s a secret.”
“… Then, when did you start liking me?”
“… It’s a secret.”
“… What’s this… Then tell me what you were worrying about.”
“I got Platinum in the placement test. I was wondering if Korean would make sense… It hurts.”
“I meant for it to hurt.”
“That’s unfair.”
“Do you like me?”
“… Yes.”
“Tell me more.”
“Yessss—It hurts.”
“… I like you.”
“Me too.”
“What do you like about me?”
“Well… I wonder. What do I like about you?”
“I’ll really cry.”
“Oh. I even like you when you cry. Wait, let me get G-Tube—”
“Heyyyy—! You are really!”
IF: Ark Side Story – To My Ark. END
TL’s Corner:
It’s more heartwarming when you realize that the reason Ark chose Ark as her username is because she wanted to be someone who can save people from loneliness by watching her video. And that was what she was for Lee Yena.
Lee Yena was saved by Ark after suddenly getting thrown into an unfamiliar life.