Ironically, I truly felt relieved when I heard those words.
I found myself feeling relieved in the arms of a child who was only seventeen, someone who would have been smaller than me originally.
Honestly, I felt a little pathetic, but Ha-neul’s words about staying by my side no matter what I did were reassuring enough to warrant that relief.
Perhaps, in a way, having been caught was for the better, as I now had someone to confide in.
The relief of not having to explain everything myself reminded me of the feeling I had as a child when I got caught doing something bad and thought, “Well, it’s over now”, as if a weight had been lifted.
For a while, I stood still, feeling Ha-neul’s warmth.
She waited for me to speak first.
“…Alright.”
In the end, I said just that.
“I’ll tell you, at least as far as I know.”
Only after I said that did Ha-neul release her arms from around me.
A cold breeze swept through the gap between us as we stepped apart.
“Whatever it is, I’ll listen.”
Ha-neul said that with a bright smile.
*
I didn’t drag the story out.
In fact, there wasn’t much to tell.
I couldn’t say that I used to be a man living in a different world.
Whether someone believed me or not would be problematic.
Honestly, there’s a much greater chance they wouldn’t believe it.
Who would seriously believe something about another world?
Even I still try not to think too deeply about it, because the more I think, the more absurd it becomes, and no answers come from it.
So, all I could tell was the story of the two months and two weeks or so since I arrived in this world.
“So…”
After hearing my story, Ha-neul asked,
“Do you not know if you simply lost your memory, or if you’re actually a different personality from the original ‘Ye Sara’?”
“Yeah.”
I was certain that “I” wasn’t some creation Ye Sara made for self-preservation.
Even though I’m not some genius who remembers every moment of my life perfectly, I had memories filled with details that no child locked in a room could have imagined.
Not the Seoul of this world, but the Seoul of the world I lived in.
My memories of places like Jongno and Myeong-dong, the city centers I used to frequent, as well as the college areas and lively streets, remain vivid.
And it’s not just that.
I still remember my relationships with friends, my family, my job, my time in the military, and even all the different foods I had outside.
These weren’t memories that could be conjured from Ye Sara’s imagination alone.
That’s why I couldn’t doubt the authenticity of my personality or my memories.
But because my sense of self was so distinct, I developed another concern.
If I’m a personality from another place, then what happened to Ye Sara’s original personality that used to inhabit this body?
Did she die the moment I came over?
If so, what was the reaction I saw in this body, in this heart, when I saw Choi Na-kyung?
If the body has memory, does it exist merely as “memory”, or is Ye Sara’s consciousness lying dormant deep inside?
I haven’t been able to figure out any of that yet.
That’s why I had no choice but to answer Ha-neul that I didn’t know.
“…”
We both leaned against the rooftop railing.
Recklessly, there wasn’t a single high fence here.
If someone wanted to, they could easily jump off.
The rooftop wasn’t locked, nor did it seem to be monitored.
Did they assume no one would consider doing such a thing at this school?
From below, I could hear the voices of the students in PE class.
Laughter and shouts echoed intermittently.
In the distance, I could hear the sound of cars passing by, occasionally honking, but strangely enough, it didn’t feel noisy here.
Even though I was only out of class for a brief moment, I felt an odd sense of separation from the world.
I’ve experienced this kind of feeling before.
When I left school early because I was sick as a child.
When I went out during summer break in the morning.
When I took an unexpected day off from work.
…When I was in Ye Sara’s mansion.
It wasn’t that there was no noise, but it felt distant, as if there was a wall separating me from it.
It made me feel like I wasn’t truly a part of this world.
For Ye Sara, the only moment she might have felt connected to the world was when she met Chairman Choi Na-kyung.
…And yet, there was no radiance in Choi Na-kyung’s face.
What was Ye Sara feeling towards Choi Na-kyung?
“What do you want to do?”
Ha-neul asked me.
It was the same question she had asked earlier.
Right, Ha-neul doesn’t know Ye Sara.
Not just Ha-neul, but none of my “friends” at this school knew Ye Sara.
They all talked to me and became friends with me.
So, this question was directed at “me”, not at Ye Sara.
“I want to recover the memories. No, even if they aren’t my memories, I want to find them again.”
I wanted to fulfill the wish written in that will.
I wasn’t anything to Ye Sara.
Even now, at this moment, I was just an intruder who suddenly appeared and disrupted Ye Sara’s plans at the most important moment of her life.
And in that sense, I was somewhat relieved.
With no real options left, even a faint glimmer of hope was better than none at all.
Thinking about it rationally, it was a stroke of luck for me.
“What if, after that, you’re no longer the person you know yourself to be?”
Ha-neul asked without looking at me.
“…”
If Ye Sara’s “memories” merged with mine, would I still be the same person?
If Ye Sara’s personality returned to this body, what would happen to the personality that had occupied it up until then?
Even imagining it filled me with dread.
I’ve never considered myself particularly good.
I have no memory of making regular donations, and at most, I might have donated blood once in a while for a free movie ticket.
I’m not someone who does good deeds unless there’s something in it for me.
That doesn’t mean I’m overly selfish, but… well, that’s how I am.
However, ever since coming to this world, I’ve experienced all sorts of good things that Ye Sara didn’t even know about.
I’ve eaten at fancy restaurants I could never afford, enjoyed three great meals a day, lived in a room bigger than any home I’d ever stayed in, and become friends with many girls who could only be described as “beautiful”.
These were things I had never experienced in my previous life.
…And on top of that, I had continued living thanks to Ye Sara’s sacrifice, when I should have died originally.
These were debts that couldn’t be repaid with money.
Even if I could, I didn’t have the ability to repay such a debt.
So, this was the least I could do.
If I could help this poor girl, who had spent her entire life trapped in a cage, to come out and live freely, happily—well, then I’d consider my debt repaid.
That’s what I wanted to do.
“Yes. Even if, after that, I’m no longer the person I know myself to be.”
I had already come to realize that my fate was to die anyway.
Desperately clinging to someone else’s body just to extend my life would only make me pathetic.
Even though I’m still searching for a way right now, if the rightful owner returned, the body should be returned to her.
That’s only common sense.
“…”
After hearing my answer, Ha-neul silently gazed down at the playground.
“I want you to promise me one thing.”
At my words, Ha-neul’s shoulders flinched.
“If I disappear, and the original ‘Ye Sara’ returns to this body, will you still treat her the same way as you did me? Will you still be friends with her?”
“…”
Ha-neul didn’t answer for a while.
*
“If I disappear, and the original ‘Ye Sara’ returns to this body, will you still treat her the same way as you did me? Will you still be friends with her?”
It wasn’t that Ha-neul hadn’t expected to hear something like that.
From the moment Sara spoke of her “desire”, Ha-neul had somewhat guessed that she would eventually say something like that.
But hearing it, word by word, made the weight of those words feel much heavier.
If I disappear—
‘Why, why would you think that?
I don’t want that.
I hate the idea of parting with you, even if it kills me.
If the original ‘Ye Sara’ returns to this body—
Then, she’s no longer “you”.
Will you still be friends with her, just like you were with me?
…No, I wouldn’t be able to do that.
Sure, I could become friends with her.
But she could never be the same as you.
The person in your body at that time wouldn’t be the “you” that I knew.
Two weeks.
It had only been two weeks since we became friends.’
If someone heard this, they might scoff.
“You think someone you’ve known for only two weeks is a lifelong friend?”
Maybe even Ha-neul herself would’ve thought the same in the past.
But—Sara was different.
‘She was the only one who reached out to me with a casual smile as I grew increasingly isolated.
No matter what I did, she accepted me, and whenever I went to her, she always made room beside her without a second thought.
I liked Sara.
I liked her so much that I couldn’t stand it.’
But Ha-neul had already made up her mind.
Whether she liked the outcome or not, clinging to Sara would only bring her more pain.
‘Because I liked her, I would do what Sara wanted.
I had already made that decision.’
So, Ha-neul replied,
“Yeah, I’ll definitely do that.”
Upon hearing that, Sara, with no hint of regret, simply narrowed her eyes and gave her a small smile.
The wind blew, scattering Sara’s hair.
Her skin shimmered as it caught the sunlight.
She looked so beautiful.
That’s why Ha-neul smiled.
“Definitely.”
Making that vow.
While also hoping, in the back of her mind, that she wouldn’t lose “her Sara”.
Ha-neul genuinely hoped that her smile would appear as a truly bright one.