Translator: Elisia
Editor/Proofreader: Wojo
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The embarrassment was only at the beginning.
When I first asked Sara to dry my hair, I was incredibly embarrassed.
But thinking back now, it wasn’t just me—Sara was also incredibly embarrassed back then.
Embarrassment is more about how conscious the other person is of you, rather than how much you’re aware of them.
However, the current ‘Sara’ didn’t seem to be conscious of my body at all.
Looking at it this way, it became clear that Sara and ‘Sara’ reacted quite differently.
Of course, even ‘Sara’ would blush at actions that clearly weren’t things friends would normally do.
But on the other hand, ‘Sara’ accepted actions that she considered as ‘things friends could do’ quite naturally.
Linking arms next to me, hugging me or So-hee, or even sleeping together in the same bed.
Her reactions were clearly different from the Sara who would blush bright red and not know what to do.
If it had been the real Sara, not ‘Sara’, we definitely wouldn’t be bathing together like this.
And neither Sara nor ‘Sara’ seemed to realize how differently they reacted.
“Sara.”
While I was soaping up ‘Sara’s’ back, I spoke.
“Yeah?”
Sara answered.
“The other Sara inside you.”
“…Yeah.”
‘Sara’s’ voice had a tinge of caution in it.
That reaction as well.
Whenever ‘Sara’ talked about Sara, she wore an expression full of affection.
As if she weren’t just talking about another part of herself but about a completely different person.
Or perhaps, as if she were looking at someone she admired.
Of course, admiration is something one can feel even for someone of the same gender.
Even I had feelings of admiration for Sara, and those feelings eventually developed into my current emotions.
Yes, admiration can develop into such feelings.
But usually, when someone admires a person of the same gender, the chances of it turning into romantic feelings are quite low.
Most people don’t even consider the possibility of becoming romantic partners with someone of the same gender in the first place.
For admiration to turn into love, you first have to be someone who can feel such emotions for the same gender.
But ‘Sara’ didn’t seem to react sexually to other women.
It didn’t look like she had a strong aversion to it, but she also didn’t show any signs of attraction like So-hee or Ha-neul.
So, maybe—
“Could it be that the two of you have different genders?”
“W-What?!”
‘Sara’ was startled and quickly turned to look at me.
How that would be possible, I wasn’t quite sure.
But I had heard that in cases where someone claims to have multiple personalities or suffers from a similar disorder, it’s not uncommon for the personalities to have different genders.
Not only would their gender be different, but so would their past experiences, favorite foods, dislikes, and even their educational background.
Of course, not all of these examples could be real.
In the end, since there’s only one body, there can only be one past, so even if a personality claimed to have a doctorate, they wouldn’t actually have one unless they had that level of knowledge and education.
I’ve also heard that sometimes personalities even hate each other and argue.
Of course, the differences between Sara and ‘Sara’ weren’t that extreme.
But even between Sara and ‘Sara’, there wasn’t a complete absence of such examples.
Sara wanted to go on amusement park rides.
That was probably her personality.
However, ‘Sara’s’ body didn’t agree with those kinds of rides, so Sara couldn’t fully enjoy them.
If I had to point out the biggest difference in their personalities, I’d mention that.
“Wh-Why do you think that?”
‘Sara’, upon seeing my calm expression, seemed to cool down and quickly turned her head away as she asked.
“Just, based on your reactions, it seems that way.”
Even if she wasn’t a man, Sara clearly showed more interest in women than in men.
From the beginning, she never showed much interest in her fiancé or the senior who helped her daily.
Both of them were quite well-known for being handsome at school.
“…”
‘Sara’ remained silent for a moment, then finally answered with a voice full of caution.
“I don’t know.”
I see.
But seeing her reaction, I became certain.
Sara and ‘Sara’ were clearly different entities.
The person I first liked was Sara.
But that didn’t mean I wanted to deny ‘Sara’.
The relationship between Sara and me only existed because of ‘Sara’.
Even though it didn’t start in a healthy way, and even though it began with me wronging ‘Sara’ and feeling guilty about it.
In fact, the feelings I had when I first spoke to Sara and asked her to take a photo weren’t exactly innocent either.
I felt sorry for ‘Sara’.
It felt like I had to go over and talk to her.
As if that would ease my guilt a little.
If I dug into those memories, at the very bottom was exactly that kind of mindset.
…I still haven’t apologized.
Not for that time, and not for what happened before.
It will probably take a long time before I can sincerely apologize.
But until I can give a proper apology, I plan to stay by the sides of both Sara and ‘Sara’.
“I see.”
“…I didn’t say anything.”
But I couldn’t hide the subtle smile that appeared on my face.
Apart from the guilt, I felt a sense of relief.
Unlike ‘Sara’, Sara clearly showed interest in women.
And she had definitely reacted when she saw my body.
That fact gave me a little reassurance, as if telling me that I still had a chance.
*
“I’m going to head out first.”
‘Sara’, who had come in first to wash, said.
Though she had seemed completely at ease with me a little while ago, that was no longer the case.
It was clear she wanted to escape the situation.
…I might have pried too much into something personal.
I nodded.
“I’ll finish up and come out later.”
‘Sara’ nodded and quickly left the bathroom.
I could hear her drying off outside the door.
“…”
I thought it was about time for me to finish up as well.
After a little while, I also stepped out of the bathroom.
Outside, So-hee and Ha-neul were looking at me with wide eyes.
It didn’t seem like they’d been back in the room for long.
‘Sara’ looked rather nervous, reacting to their stares.
“W-Why are you two out here?”
“Well, we bathed together…”
‘Sara’ answered So-hee’s question.
At that, So-hee’s face turned pale.
“W-Why… Why?”
‘Sara’, growing more uneasy, asked back.
It was a little strange to see ‘Sara’ react like this, when had been so confident in front of the teachers earlier.
“So, was that not okay?”
‘Sara’ looked back and forth between me, So-hee, and Ha-neul as she asked.
“Of course, it’s not okay…”
So-hee started to flare up but then suddenly shut her mouth.
Then, after staring at me for a moment, she changed her tone.
“…It’s not that bad, is it?”
Yeah, normally this would have been unthinkable, but if ‘Sara’ didn’t have an issue with it, then there might be a chance for So-hee or Ha-neul next time.
“Um, just out of curiosity.”
So-hee, who had been deep in thought, asked ‘Sara’.
“You only washed inside, right? You didn’t do anything else, right?”
Hearing that, Ha-neul put her hand on her forehead, but So-hee didn’t seem to care.
“What else would we be doing in the bathroom besides washing?”
‘Sara’ asked back with a puzzled look.
“Right? Of course! The bathroom is for washing. There’s no way you’d be doing anything else!”
At that, So-hee’s face brightened.
“Hey, Sara. Next time, let’s go in together. I’m your personal maid, after all! I can wash you really clean!”
“Huh? Oh, um…”
When So-hee suddenly grabbed her arm and linked them, ‘Sara’ looked extremely flustered.
Fortunately, she wasn’t just wearing a bath towel or something like that, but a few strands of her hair, which she had wrapped up in a towel, had slipped down and clung to her white skin.
“R-Really…?”
Under So-hee’s enthusiastic persuasion, ‘Sara’ ended up giving what seemed like an acceptance.
In fact, there probably wasn’t much reason to refuse from the beginning.
Just like with me.
That’s right.
I still had a chance.
To ‘Sara’, Ha-neul, So-hee, and I were all just friends.
As I watched So-hee cling to ‘Sara’, cheering in victory, I felt oddly reassured.
…Though part of me wondered if I should stop this.