"Are you really a girl?"
Hearing this question, Lin Nan froze in bed.
He wasn't sure what Chen Yao meant by "girl" - physically, self-identity? Or was he simply suspecting Lin Nan of trying to fool him?
Maybe he was overthinking it, but he truly didn't know how to answer now.
The dorm was filled with an awkward atmosphere, and Chen Yao stood there at a loss.
Looking at Lin Nan wrapped up like a cocoon, after thinking for a while, he carefully consoled: "It's okay, this isn't your fault. I'll try my best to help you."
"Mm."
A muffled response came from under the blanket.
They fell silent again. Chen Yao could only sigh deeply, sitting down at his desk worriedly and continuing to search online about so-called intersex conditions.
When he first learned about this, he had thought Lin Nan must be joking, but that medical report didn't seem fake.
Though Lin Nan could be unreliable at times, he wasn't the type to carefully forge a medical report for a prank. These days, with his debt, his mind should be occupied with money... Could he be pretending to be a girl to scam money? But Lin Nan shouldn't be that unprincipled, right?
As soon as this thought occurred, Chen Yao began to doubt whether his understanding of Lin Nan was outdated.
After all, this was someone who had tried to kiss him twice - maybe Lin Nan had always been feminine at heart despite his male body?
Thinking this, Chen Yao shuddered and looked doubtfully at Lin Nan in bed, only to find Lin Nan staring back at him with large eyes watery from pain.
"What are you doing?" Chen Yao had been analyzing Lin Nan's motives, but his tone softened as soon as he spoke.
"Help me boil some water..."
Chen Yao couldn't resist that look. Though he wanted to stick to his principles, he still got up to boil water.
Meanwhile, his mind continued puzzling over things.
If that red color in the bathroom really was menstrual blood, where was it coming from? If he remembered correctly, they had used the bathroom together and even compared sizes in middle school. It couldn't be that Lin Nan had secretly gotten surgery during this time?
Water overflowed from the kettle onto Chen Yao's hand, snapping him back to reality.
It wasn't that he didn't trust Lin Nan. When he first heard about this, he was completely confused and instinctively wanted to book a ticket to see Lin Nan. But after calming down and researching related news and information, things didn't seem quite right.
The water quickly boiled. Adding the brown sugar they'd bought last time and stirring it into brown sugar water, Chen Yao finally handed the cup to Lin Nan, who had been waiting expectantly in bed.
Regardless of the truth, Lin Nan was genuinely in pain right now.
"Honestly, another checkup wouldn't be expensive, at least to avoid scaring yourself," Chen Yao said carefully, weighing his words. "We can go to a different hospital, and we don't need a full body exam - just an abdominal ultrasound would be about a hundred yuan."
Having done his research, he continued: "We should at least confirm that your exam report wasn't a mistake, that they didn't mix up someone else's results with yours, right?"
Lin Nan covered his head with the blanket, showing hesitation.
Last time when he went to the hospital alone for the examination, the problem had emerged during the abdominal ultrasound. The ultrasound doctor had been bewildered to find Lin Nan's internal structure identical to a female's, yet Lin Nan had marked male for gender, and while his development was only at the level of a 13-14 year old girl, his age was listed as 18.
Though the doctor hadn't said much, Lin Nan had felt utterly humiliated.
"I'll accompany you the whole time, don't worry."
But Lin Nan knew it was almost impossible for the exam report to be wrong, because the ultrasound doctor had specifically asked about his gender and informed him about delayed development, recommending an outpatient consultation.
Who knew how embarrassing that had been for Lin Nan.
"Forget it, what's the point of lying to you," Lin Nan sighed plaintively. "What good would lying about this do? I can't even tell my parents or relatives."
"..."
Chen Yao was helpless: "But you can't go on like this forever, right?"
"Let's just take it one step at a time?" Lin Nan felt there might still be hope of returning to male, after all, even though his little brother had lost its function, at least its form remained, preserving some hope.
"But..."
"There are no buts!"
Already emotionally irritable, Lin Nan couldn't take Chen Yao's persistence anymore. He angrily cut off Chen Yao's words, glared at him, then pulled the blanket over his head and turned to face the wall, unwilling to discuss it further.
When first troubled by Lilith, what Lin Nan hated most was being seen as female or called feminine. Now he had gotten used to the former but didn't want to discuss anything about the future.
What did he mean by "can't go on like this forever"... He didn't want this either, but no amount of thinking or discussing these unsolvable problems would change the fact that he could only passively accept them.
Maybe because of his period, Lin Nan's mood was much worse than usual today. Without thinking much, he felt a surge of grievance rise to his nose.
Why did this have to happen to him when everything was fine? He was supposed to graduate, date, marry, and have children normally, while his parents worked hard to pave the way for his future...
The more he thought about it, the more wronged he felt. His nose grew sour and his red eyes began to tear up.
Lin Nan rarely cried. Besides the tears of fear on the Ferris wheel last time, the time before was probably in middle school when he was inexplicably bullied and ostracized by classmates. But then Chen Yao had mysteriously appeared to stand by him, and standing behind Chen Yao, he had never cried since.
Chen Yao noticed Lin Nan's unusual state. After a moment of silence, he put another cigarette in his mouth.
"This frustrates me too. We should deal with problems head-on and solve troubles directly. What good does avoiding them do?" Knowing Lin Nan disliked smoke, he just held the cigarette without lighting it, pacing back and forth anxiously.
Chen Yao had never been known for his good temper. Seeing Lin Nan not responding now made him even more furious, but he couldn't bring himself to yell at Lin Nan. After pacing for a moment, he could only vent his frustration by kicking open the back door of the dorm and going to the balcony to smoke.
The sound of the door being kicked startled Lin Nan into holding back his tears. He carefully poked his head out to look at Chen Yao on the balcony, then shrank back, sighing woefully under the covers.
Maybe he should just become a woman completely - being stuck in between, neither male nor female, was affecting his mood.
Lin Nan thought resignedly, deciding to go all in.
He casually scanned through the unlocked magic in his mind, wiped away his tears, took a deep breath, and suddenly threw off the blanket.
Find the quickest, simplest unlock condition!
Chen Yao on the balcony suddenly shuddered, feeling as if struck by lightning and chilled by an ominous wind. He hesitantly looked around but couldn't identify where the sense of danger was coming from.
Could it be Lin Nan?