TN: Thank Llama for the chapter.
TL/PR: Ruminas; ED: novicelily
Was it because the timing of our meeting was strange? Or was she still afraid of me?
Riana couldn’t meet my eyes.
On the other hand, the shop owner was glaring down at me, his expression fierce.
He probably thought I was with Riana and planned to extort money from me.
I have money, but I wasn’t about to hand it over.
Letting go of Riana, the man stepped toward me. Our eyes met.
“You, come here. Is she your friend?”
“……”
When our eyes locked, a familiar sensation washed over me—a stream of information flooding my mind. I was used to it by now.
If I played it right, I could put him to sleep. Maintaining eye contact, I hypnotized him.
His once fierce gaze turned hazy in an instant. The moment our eyes met, he lost his balance and crumpled to the ground.
As he fell, I whispered, “Sleep well.”
With the nuisance out of the way, I turned my attention back to Riana.
This time, she didn’t run. Maybe she was too scared to move.
Either way, I finally had a moment alone with her.
Though she was still trembling, staring at me.
It looked like we needed to talk.
***
When I was alone, I usually slept rough, but it didn’t feel right for two people to sleep on the streets.
The street wasn’t the place for conversation either.
So, we got a room.
As Riana and I entered the room, I noticed how soaked we were from the rain. With the downpour outside, we looked like drenched rats.
“…You can shower first,” I offered.
“Okay……”
An awkward silence lingered between us.
We hadn’t seen each other in so long, but the comfortable atmosphere we once shared was gone.
Things could never return to how they were. Riana had seen something, and I had done something.
While Riana showered, I waited, drying my hair with a towel. When she emerged, I couldn’t bring myself to meet her eyes.
“Are you still afraid of me?” I asked, my voice tentative.
Riana was silent for a long moment, her gaze fixed on the floor.
Finally, she spoke, her voice barely a whisper.
“…Thank you for saving me.”
Our eyes met briefly, then broke apart again.
“But… how could I not be afraid? After seeing that…”
“……”
Her voice trembled, thick with emotion as if she were holding back tears.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t want to say this. I didn’t want to show you this side of me…”
Regardless of how it had happened, I had saved Riana. Twice, at that. Even the incident that day was ultimately my way of protecting her.
If I hadn’t acted, Riana would have been the one to die. I knew that.
But,
“I’m sorry… sob… I know it’s not your fault, but I can’t help it…”
“……”
Knowing something and being scared are two separate issues.
Riana had seen her friend from the back alleys suddenly transform into a monster, tearing human flesh apart. She witnessed the horrific scene of bones, flesh, and internal organs being ripped apart.
It was a sight so gruesome that it was unimaginable, even in Dusty Lane, where beggars slept alongside warm corpses.
Memories like that, deeply rooted in the mind, don’t easily fade. Even now, when Riana closed her eyes, the events of that day replayed vividly in her mind.
So, for Riana, I was both a friend and a nightmare.
“…I understand.”
I replied, my expression bitter. I wasn’t crying, but I could feel the sadness etched on my face.
It was cruel to be seen as a monster and receive disgusted looks from the person I trusted most.
Though I didn’t show it outwardly, I was also on the edge, struggling to keep my emotions in check. I feared that if I let them spill out, I might collapse. So, I acted like an emotionless doll.
Our emotions festered for different reasons.
Even if we shared the same room as before, the wounds we had endured wouldn’t heal.
It was that kind of night.
“I would have been scared too if I were you.”
This time, I avoided Riana’s gaze.
Until yesterday, I had been searching desperately for her, but now that I was finally facing her, I found myself at a loss for words.
I realized that mending this uncomfortable relationship would be difficult.
“…Riana, use the room. Since it seems uncomfortable, I’ll leave.”
“Uh, okay?”
Although I had paid for the accommodation, I couldn’t bring myself to stay.
If I lingered any longer, I felt I wouldn’t be able to hide my emotions.
“And take this money, Riana. I probably won’t need it.”
I pulled a pouch of gold coins from my chest and placed it on the bed.
Afterward, I bit my lip and turned my head away. It was not just my head; I turned my whole body so Riana couldn’t see my expression.
I was on the verge of breaking down.
Even if I did break, I wanted to do it quietly, away from her eyes.
I turned to leave.
“Wait! Iria!”
I heard Riana calling, but I didn’t stop.
I kept walking.
If I left through that door, we probably wouldn’t meet again. Because with my worn-out heart, I had decided it was better to disappear.
***
Third POV
Iria was a monster.
When she first killed a human, she thought it was a simple accident. But then she killed again.
The reason was absurd. It was because she was hungry. She had taken a life for a single meal. She was that kind of creature.
To survive, she had to kill humans.
But she didn’t want to kill. She didn’t want to become a monster.
If someone feared her, then it was right for her to disappear.
At least, that’s what Iria thought.
Though her life as a monster hadn’t been long, it hadn’t been good. She believed she should end it before her body harmed more humans.
On a rainy day, Iria walked the streets, tears streaming down her face. It felt like she was pouring out every drop of water in her body, wondering if she had ever cried this much.
Don’t touch me!
How could I not be scared? After seeing such a thing?
Iria was a creature that shouldn’t exist in this world.
She was a monster capable of becoming a great disaster simply by existing.
How was killing humans to prolong her life any different from being a monster?
She was afraid of dying but more terrified of having to live treated like that in the future.
Humans are social animals that cannot survive alone. Iria, who had been human until recently, was no different.
She, too, was a social being who couldn’t live in isolation.
That was why she was afraid of being alone. She was scared of herself.
She didn’t want to hurt anyone anymore.
So she walked.
This was her march toward death.
***
It was good that she had decided to die.
But what means would she use?
After leaving Riana, Iria hid herself and harmed her body where no one could see.
She tried many methods.
Stabbing her heart with a sword didn’t work; she didn’t die. Sitting in a pit of fire for a day proved futile as her body resisted the flames.
Hanging herself didn’t even hurt, and cutting her wrists healed almost instantly.
One day, she decided to throw herself into a deep river. She lost consciousness as she sank underwater, but when she regained awareness, she floated back to the surface.
It seemed that when her life was threatened, control of her body shifted.
From this, Iria concluded that she could not die by ordinary means. Four days passed as she repeatedly attempted suicide.
Having exhausted most methods, she was drained in every sense.
Both her body and mind were riddled with wounds.
Even the regeneration of her injuries had become taxing. Lying on the cold ground of a back alley, she closed her eyes.
“……”
There was one method she hadn’t tried yet.
Living beings gain energy from consuming something. If they couldn’t eat, they eventually perished.
Iria was a monster, but she was still a living being. She wouldn’t escape that fundamental truth.
Realizing this, Iria resolved to remain in her spot, refusing to move.
Curled up, she waited for death to come.
She didn’t know how much time had passed. The pain of hunger was agonizing.
It might have been better to burn in a fire pit. She desperately fought against the surging desire for sustenance.
Her mouth was parched, and no strength remained in her body.
About a week had passed since Iria last ate a human.
Typically, she could maintain some semblance of reason for up to a week, but not now.
Endless suicide attempts and the constant regeneration of her wounds had pushed Iria’s body to its limits.
After an eternity spent in hunger, she felt like a broken doll.
Her red eyes were cloudy, and saliva leaked from her mouth.
In this unstable mental state, Iria gradually began to lose her grip on her sanity. The sensations throughout her body dulled; she was slipping away from reason and consciousness.
It was as if her body was moving on its own, separate from her will.
How much longer would she have to endure this before she could finally die?
Although time hadn’t actually passed that long, it felt like an eternity.
Even if she persisted through this suffering, she had no idea if she could truly die.
In what felt like endless torment, Iria pondered to herself.
Why did she have to go through this? She had simply entered an unknown world.
Unfortunately, she was trapped in this kind of body.
If there was hell, this must surely be it. A sturdy body that could withstand swords and magic yet was utterly defenseless against hunger.
It was painful. When would this suffering end? The path to eternal rest was proving to be excruciatingly long.
And then—
“Iria! Why do you look like this?!”
Riana appeared before her.