Chapter 235. When a Workaholic Leader Takes Power (4)
Silence sometimes means affirmation.
And it seemed that Seo Taeeil took my silence as an answer.
“It must be true.”
Seo Taeeil scratched his forehead with his finger as if he had a headache.
He seemed to be thinking about how to phrase his words, but I continued to stay silent.
Seeing my expression, Seo Taeeil let out a short sigh and changed the topic.
“Well, anyway, speaking from my experience…. It was our youngest who did that to me. You know? Our youngest.”
Seo Taeeil’s gaze naturally shifted to a group photo of Utopia that was hung on one wall of the studio. Out of the five people wearing the same hoodie, the youngest, who was particularly tall and had the most expressionless face, was Kwon Sangrok. Seo Taeeil glanced at Kwon Sangrok’s face and let out a slight laugh, but a shadow crossed his face.
“Do you know how old Rok was when he debuted?”
“…I heard he was very young.”
“He was 15, 15 years old. I was twenty. So, can you imagine how awkward we were with each other? On top of that, he was going through a really rough puberty. I couldn’t even talk to him.”
The stories from Kwon Sangrok’s puberty were quite famous among the fans.
He was so shy that it took him until Friday to get comfortable with everyone, and after going home over the weekend, it was like hitting a reset button, and he had to start all over again to get close to them.
When he started living in the dorm, he was so uncomfortable eating with the other members that he pretended he had already eaten and would sneak out to eat alone at the convenience store, pretending to take a walk.
Once, when his roommates, Nam Daun and Cheong Hansol, were being too loud before bed, he got so annoyed that he locked the door on them, leaving the two to sleep in the living room.
‘No, looking back at it, he seems like the toughest type among the members.’
And the fact that Seo Taeeil managed to keep Kwon Sangrok in the group for 13 years, even earning the nickname “Captain’s Clingy” for him, made Seo Taeeil seem all the more remarkable. Seo Taeeil seemed to read my thoughts and leaned forward as if to emphasize his point.
“Rok debuted a bit earlier than planned. He was chosen for his height, visuals, and potential, but his singing and dancing still had a long way to go. He ended up debuting a year or two earlier than we originally thought.”
“…Was it because of the company’s situation?”
“Well…. I wouldn’t say that’s not true. But if I were to go into all of that, we’d be here all night, so let’s skip it.”
Seo Taeeil waved his hand dismissively and continued.
“Anyway, the company marketed us as a self-produced group full of talent, but honestly, I thought Rok was lacking by that standard. But Rok had too much pride to accept that. And he couldn’t bring himself to ask for help from the members.”
“……”
“As for me…. Even though he was young, he was really sharp, you know? A bit stubborn, kind of like an old man. Compared to the other members of our group, he was definitely more mature.”
Seo Taeeil smiled, recalling Kwon Sangrok as he once again looked at Utopia’s group photo.
Sure enough, standing next to Nam Daun, who looked like a wild Maltese, and Cheong Hansol, who had a rough and natural appearance, the shy and old-soul Kwon Sangrok indeed looked like the epitome of maturity.
“…So I just left him alone. I thought he could handle it.”
Seo Taeeil’s face darkened ominously as he rubbed the handle of his now cold coffee cup.
“It was a stupid thought.”
Remembering ‘that time,’ even the faintest hint of a smile disappeared from Seo Taeeil’s lips.
It was only then that I realized what incident he was about to recount.
— Yes. I just didn’t get enough sleep, but everyone is overly concerned about my health.
— I understand. Remember how there was a kid in our company who nearly died from that?
Just as fragments of a conversation from some day long ago resurfaced in my mind, Seo Taeeil placed his coffee cup on the table. His now empty right hand trembled slightly.
“It was either a local event or a university festival…. We were in the middle of rehearsal when the kid suddenly staggered. At first, I thought he just slipped for a moment, but…. Then he just collapsed right after. Right in front of my eyes.”
“……”
“Unfortunately, the stage had a height difference, so when Sangrok fell, he rolled down hard. I tried to catch him but missed. …I ran down to check on him, but he wouldn’t open his eyes. Ha, at that moment…. I was really terrified.”
“……”
“People thought Sangrok collapsed because of the company. They were saying we were working a young kid to the bone without letting him sleep.”
“…Wasn’t that the case?”
I had read about Kwon Sangrok’s collapse in the news.
Kwon Sangrok had suffered severe injuries at the time, requiring multiple surgeries and months of rehabilitation. The media had loudly criticized the ‘exploitation of labor in the idol industry’ and ‘inevitable injuries due to harsh schedules.’
Since Miro even released a statement taking responsibility for the incident and pledging to prioritize artist care, I had also thought it was simply that….
But Seo Taeeil shook his head firmly and spoke with self-deprecation.
“We only started making a name for ourselves around our second or third year after debut. Before that, we wanted to work but had no work to do. Sangrok collapsed less than a year after our debut. So what schedule?”
“Then….”
“…That kid, Kwon Sangrok, apparently was practicing secretly at dawn, every single day.”
“……”
“He didn’t want to lose to us, so every day, night or day, he practiced. And since he couldn’t risk getting caught at the practice room, he did it alone in the park in front of the dorm. He practiced every single day after debut, on that hard ground. When you think about it, doesn’t that make him seem a bit crazy?”
Seo Taeeil brushed back his hair, still baffled by the memory. However, as he did so, his eyes clenched tightly for a moment, as if the memory was too painful to recall.
I tried to figure out the intention behind Seo Taeeil sharing a story that was more than ten years old with me.
‘Is he warning me? That Jung Siwoo might collapse from sleep deprivation?’
But Jung Siwoo was more vigilant about ‘health’ than anyone else. Perhaps his father’s death had influenced him.
Though he said he couldn’t sleep, it wasn’t as if he wasn’t sleeping at all. From his Special Class days before I joined Miro Maze until now, Jung Siwoo had never caught a cold or gotten sick. His ironclad health was practically legendary.
Therefore, even if I were to meddle in his affairs out of ‘concern for his health,’ it was obvious Jung Siwoo wouldn’t listen.
‘If anything, he’d probably turn it around and suggest I worry about my dizziness instead of his health with a smile on his face.’
Jung Siwoo was a person who had both a soft warmth and a sharp cynicism, treating others with a careful balance of empathy and detachment.
And Seo Taeeil, as if aware of my inner conflict, quickly brought the conversation to a conclusion.
“If I were to sum up what I learned from that incident….”
“……”
“In the end, we’re all just human.”
The first thought that crossed my mind after hearing that was,
‘What, are we supposed to be monsters or something?’
…My 51% F tendency always seemed to fail at moments like this. Maybe my glucose levels were dropping, causing my half-baked T side to start asserting itself.
In a hurry to replenish my glucose, I quickly took a sip of the cocoa Seo Taeeil had made for me. As I did, Seo Taeeil added in a relaxed voice.
“Actually, back then, I treated our Rok like he was some kind of mysterious monster.”
“…Cough!”
“I don’t think that was such a shocking statement that you needed to spit out your cocoa….”
Is Seo Taeeil omniscient or something? How does he always know exactly what’s going on in people’s minds?
Unable to voice such meta remarks, I grabbed a tissue from the ‘Kang Hajin’s Tear Bomb Emergency Tissue Set’ that Seo Taeeil had prepared in advance and wiped my mouth. Seo Taeeil kindly handed me a wet wipe while shrugging.
“Well, at least you used the tissues. It was worth preparing them.”
“…For someone as great as you, I don’t think there’s any need for you to feel accomplished over tissues….”
…Then again, I, too, nearly made a name for myself as the ‘Tissue Fairy’ of the practice room once.
But that’s not really relevant, so let’s move on.
As I tossed the tissue I used to wipe the cocoa into the trash can beside the sofa, I asked Seo Taeeil honestly.
“Do you think it’s right for me to directly discuss this issue with Siwoo hyung?”
To which, Seo Taeeil shook his head.
“No. I’m talking about something more fundamental. Hajin.”
“…To be honest, I don’t fully understand. Maybe it’s because I’m lacking.”
“I told you, didn’t I? You’re like me
.”
“……”
“Let’s take our time finding out which bastard hurt your self-esteem like this.”
Seo Taeeil pointed back and forth between me and himself, staring straight into my eyes.
“No matter how much you deny it, you’re like me. Of course, you’re not exactly the same since we’ve lived different lives. But still, I think we have a lot in common when it comes to how we deal with people.”
“……”
“That’s why I’m giving you this advice, hoping you don’t make the same mistake as me….”
“……”
“See Siwoo as Siwoo, Hajin. No matter how great or perfect he seems, you must remember that he’s just a 22-year-old kid. He’s only lived two decades, just like you.”
Even after having lived roughly five decades, I couldn’t immediately grasp the conclusion Seo Taeeil was drawing. I mulled over his words, trying to find their meaning. As I pondered, Seo Taeeil lightly added a final comment.
“No matter how much we’re alike or how much people call you ‘Little Seo Taeeil,’ in the end, you’re Kang Hajin.”
“…This is too difficult, Sunbae.”
“But you always find the answer, don’t you?”
So, I hope you do this time, too.
With a prayer-like encouragement, Seo Taeeil’s troubled counselor session came to an end.
* * *
“See Jung Siwoo as Jung Siwoo?”
On my way back to the dorm.
I replayed Seo Taeeil’s words over and over, trying to find the answer hidden within them.
But like the old drama line about an orange tasting like an orange because it’s an orange, I couldn’t quite understand what Seo Taeeil meant by seeing Jung Siwoo as Jung Siwoo, as if there was another way to see him.
‘And what does he mean by saying that even though I’m like Seo Taeeil, Kang Hajin is still Kang Hajin?’
Who else would I be if not Kang Hajin? Would I be Seo Hajin instead?
After going to consult the resident visual main vocalist of our house about my insomnia symptoms, I felt like I was leaving with even more puzzles to solve.
‘Still, I can’t let hyung collapse from overwork like Kwon Sangrok….’
That guy overworked himself despite having no schedules, but in our case, we were on a grueling schedule. I didn’t know how many hours Jung Siwoo was sleeping these days, but at this rate, he might collapse on stage before we even get to win the Rookie of the Year award at the end of the year.
“…I’m back.”
“You’re back? You’re a bit late.”
As expected. The moment I stepped into the dorm, the person who greeted me was none other than Jung Siwoo, sitting on the living room sofa in his pajamas.
Dressed neatly in cozy brown-beige pajamas, Jung Siwoo was fiddling with his tablet with no trace of sleepiness in his eyes.
“Oh, I was just with Seo Taeeil sunbae. …And what are you doing here, hyung? Not sleeping?”
“I took a long nap during the day, so I can’t really sleep. I figured I’d finish up some work on the arrangement for LET US.”
“Ah….”
I nodded and checked the clock on the living room wall.
It was nearly 11 p.m., that hazy boundary just before midnight.
Confirming that it was the perfect time to use ‘that chance,’ I maintained a state of high alert, trying not to act too awkward, and casually threw out a suggestion to Jung Siwoo.
“But, hyung.”
“Yeah?”
“I noticed that we’re almost out of protein drinks at home. And there are no cup noodles left either.”
“Oh. Taehyun said he ordered some, but I guess it hasn’t arrived yet.”
“Oh no. But I really want to have a small Yukgaejang bowl and some chocolate protein milk right now.”
“…? What’s with that tone, are you doing a skit?”
Even to me, my voice sounded ridiculously unnatural, but I shamelessly pretended not to notice and got straight to the point.
“How about we go to the convenience store together? Since you’re not planning to sleep anyway.”
It was time to once again rely on the ultimate technique that never fails.
The power of ‘grrrchrrrp.’