Chapter 180. The Earth is Round (4)
Lee Hyun-il hesitated as he recalled “the events of that day.”
“Back then, after the trainee hyungs in the debut team all quit and left, there weren’t many of us left. So, the remaining kids got close, you know? We were all pretty tight.”
Even as he spoke, Lee Hyun-il seemed embarrassed, keeping his gaze fixed on the ground.
Kang Hajin just listened to what Hyun-il had to say.
It wasn’t out of kindness that he decided to hear him out until the end.
Just because.
That single word, “just,” sealed Hajin’s lips.
“…Do you remember, hyung? Not long after that, you got sick. Was it the flu? Anyway, you couldn’t come to the company for about two weeks. During that time, we actually went out together, as a group.”
“…….”
“But honestly, what can a bunch of teenage boys do when they get together? Play some games, eat, go to a karaoke bar, have fun… and then naturally, we started talking about people who weren’t there. That person was you, hyung.”
Although Hyun-il continued to add more details, the conclusion was simple.
Kang Hajin was the scapegoat.
The sacrificial lamb that would bind their uneasy and restless hearts together.
“To be honest, it’s not like there weren’t people who were uncomfortable with you, hyung. You said it yourself, you knew you had a bad temper. I was hurt by some things you said too.”
“…….”
“But… do you think it was just you? At that age, we were all guys who couldn’t even eat properly and spent every day practicing. We were all sensitive and easily annoyed. …And we took it out on you, hyung.”
“…….”
“Hyung. I know it’s shameless of me to say this now, but… the first person to bring up your name was Gwangchae hyung. He kept pretending he wasn’t, testing the waters with the others, and then he dragged the conversation toward you, setting the mood—”
“Enough.”
“……?”
“Stop talking.”
It was Lee Doha who stopped Lee Hyun-il, who had been speaking rapidly as if he’d lost control. When Doha reached out his hand, gesturing for him to stop, Hyun-il quickly looked up. Only then did he notice Hajin’s expression as he sat directly in front of him.
“…….”
Confronted with Hajin’s expression, Hyun-il couldn’t continue speaking and swallowed hard.
Had he ever seen someone wear that kind of expression before?
Not in movies, not even in dramas—Hajin’s face was one he had never seen before. Hyun-il, feeling like a criminal, hung his head again. He didn’t dare meet Hajin’s eyes.
Soon, Hajin spoke.
“…You.”
“…What?”
“Were you ‘just’ too?”
Was he asking if he was also “just” bullied? Or was he asking if he “just” participated in bullying Hajin?
Hyun-il briefly pondered what Hajin’s “just” meant. However, he eventually realized that the answer to both questions was the same and slowly nodded his head.
“Yeah.”
“…….”
“No matter what I say, it’ll sound like an excuse. …I’m sorry, hyung.”
“…Okay.”
Hajin’s voice was incredibly dry. It was so mixed with emotions that it conveyed none at all.
Hajin stood up from his seat without a word and picked up the phone on the table. Then, he ended the call.
“It’s late, but thanks for telling me. Take care.”
“H-Hyung. Hajin hyung!”
As Hajin turned away coldly, Hyun-il instinctively stood up from his seat. Trying to reach out to Hajin, only to be blocked by Doha, Hyun-il spoke hastily.
“I’m sorry, hyung. I know you had a hard time. That’s why I’m here to help! If there’s anything I can do—”
“Can you post everything you’ve said online? Right now.”
At Hajin’s icy response, Hyun-il stopped talking and took a step back. But instead of retreating, Hajin stepped closer to him and spoke sharply.
“Can you reveal your real name and tell the whole story of what happened back then? Can you be a witness?”
“…….”
“You can’t, can you? You’re just here because you want to see Yoo Gwang-chae and Park Shin-wook get screwed. Because you’re pissed that they bullied you. Unlike you, who was still in school, I had a company, and I’ve got fans who’ll shield me.”
Unable to reply, Hyun-il could only listen to the torrent of words.
Hajin took a deep breath and rubbed his aching forehead as he looked at Hyun-il.
“…I don’t want to be angry at you. So, just go.”
“Hyung….”
“It’s enough that you told me that story. So, go. I can’t promise to stay calm if you stay.”
Faced with this clear command to leave, Hyun-il bit his lip, reluctantly gathered his things, and got up. This wasn’t why he had come, but being treated this way made him feel unfairly wronged. Even though he knew he had no right to feel wronged.
“Lee Hyun-il.”
As Hyun-il finished packing and was about to pass by Hajin, Hajin called his name.
Thinking it might be a signal for reconciliation, Hyun-il quickly turned his head, only to be intimidated again by Hajin, who didn’t even bother looking at him. With his back to Hyun-il, Hajin spoke softly.
“…Take care going home.”
At Hajin’s final words, filled with a lot of thought, Hyun-il fled the scene.
And both of them knew.
That this was truly their “final goodbye,” and that they would never see each other again with a smile.
* * *
After returning to the dorm, Hajin lay on his bed, not moving an inch.
“Hey, Kang Hajin! You’ve got to eat something!”
“Tae-hyun, just leave him. …It’s better to let him be alone for now.”
“Ah, seriously, those damned guys, I get madder every time I think about it. And then they go and write those exposé posts? These crazy bastards, really…!”
“Seo Taehyun, breathe. Your face is about to explode.”
“It’s not my face that’s about to explode; it’s my insides! My insides!”
Outside the room, Hajin could hear Taehyun, who was just as emotional about the situation as he was, fuming, while Siwoo and Yugeon tried to calm him down. But Hajin still didn’t move.
“Hyung…. I’m leaving a water bottle and some snacks here. Please eat them!”
“Doha hyung said he’s sleeping in the living room tonight, so you can have the room to yourself today.”
The younger ones, feeling uneasy, spoke to Hajin even though he had turned his back on them, but he just closed his eyes. Right now, he didn’t want to think about anything.
He even turned off his phone, forcing himself to close his eyes. He just wanted to sleep. He was too, too tired today.
“Hajin hyung.”
Just as Haru was about to turn off the lights and leave the room, he came back and called Hajin. He hesitated for a long time, then, urged by Eunchan to hurry up, he cautiously patted the blanket where he assumed Hajin’s shoulder was.
“…See you tomorrow.”
With those words, the lights went out, and the door closed.
And Hajin fell asleep.
He didn’t dream.
But Hajin was already living in a nightmare.
* * *
When he opened his eyes again, it was well past evening.
“…Ah. I’m hungry.”
He had slept so soundly that he almost forgot what had happened, but now hunger was waking him up. It made sense since he hadn’t eaten anything since the hearty breakfast Yugeon had prepared.
Usually, no matter how sad Hajin was, he was someone who always ate three meals a day.
“Is no one here?”
It wasn’t late enough for everyone to be asleep, yet the dorm was quiet.
Feeling something was off, Hajin stepped out of the room. Except for a single mood light in the living room, all the lights were off, and no one was around.
Wondering where everyone had gone, he started looking around the dorm and noticed an A4 sheet of paper haphazardly stuck to the refrigerator.
<Starting today, we have practice, so we’re at the company. The Director said hyung should rest today. There’s food and side dishes in the fridge, so make sure to eat when you wake up. (Siwoo hyung confirmed!!!)>
“…This is Seo Taehyun, no doubt.”
Although it wasn’t signed, the round handwriting and the fact that Taehyun knew Hajin wouldn’t defy Siwoo’s words were dead giveaways. Hearing Taehyun’s voice in his head, Hajin chuckled as he took the A4 paper off the fridge.
“……?”
He thought he had finished reading the note, but there was a P.S. hastily added at the bottom. Hajin slowly read the P.S.
<+++++Make sure to call your aunt, hyung’s mom, when you wake up!!!! She’s really worried about you. If you don’t call, I’ll spread rumors online that Kang Hajin is a heartless, fire-attribute filial son.>
“When did my mom become your aunt?”
It
was probably during the celebration after the final round when his mom, the queen of friendliness, and Seo Taehyun, the master of politeness, hit it off and decided to be aunt and nephew. Hajin could already picture how that day had gone, so he headed back to his room to find his phone.
Buzz―,
As soon as he turned on his phone, messages and notifications flooded in from all directions. Hajin cleared them all with a single touch and dialed his mother’s number, which he knew by heart.
-Hello? Hajin?
Hearing his mom’s voice over the phone after a short while, Hajin almost broke down and cried like a baby.
He had to remind himself again and again that calling her in tears after worrying her with the news articles would be the worst thing he could do.
-Hey, son. Did you eat? I marinated some ribs and sent them with your manager.
“Oh. So those were your ribs, Mom. No wonder they were so good.”
-Right?
Wait. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go.
Once again, his mom’s unexpected response left Hajin a bit flustered. But his mom continued to chat, as if nothing had happened, or as if she didn’t know anything.
-How’s the dorm? The Director showed me pictures after they renovated it. It’s so pretty.
“…Well. I haven’t had a chance to look around yet.”
-Since it’s a shared space, make sure to clean up well, eat properly, and take care of yourself.
She really didn’t show any signs of worry. So Hajin felt more at ease.
Because he didn’t have to pretend to be okay.
-Anyway, Mom already misses you. Without my eldest son, it feels so empty. Coming home without someone to chatter away with… it feels so lonely.
“I’ll visit often. What’s Hawon up to these days?”
-What do you think? Hawon’s become a star at his art academy, thanks to being on TV.
“Poor Kang Hawon.”
However, as the conversation continued, Hajin realized something.
His mom was waiting for him to bring up the topic himself.
So Hajin decided to bring it up before it was too late.
“Mom.”
-Yes, son.
“…You know, those kids I mentioned before, the ones I was close to at KD Entertainment before we had a falling out.”
Since he had already talked about it with Doha last night, it wasn’t too difficult to share the events of that day with his mom.
In fact, as he talked more, new memories surfaced, and he started to understand, “Oh, that’s what was going on back then,” or “Maybe that’s what the situation was.”
While most of the story Hajin shared with his mom was the same as what he had told Doha, there was one key difference.
“Maybe, they just didn’t like me.”
He no longer blamed himself for what had happened, which he had once accepted as punishment for his faults and mistakes.
“I always thought everything was my fault… but maybe it wasn’t, Mom.”
The me of that time, who was lacking and clumsy, was just that—lacking and clumsy. Just like anyone else.
As soon as Hajin began to empathize with the young Kang Hajin, who had been disliked by everyone back then, he was finally able to exhale.
“It feels so empty and absurd, but on the other hand….”
Hajin buried his face in his hands as he spoke.
“It’s just… such a relief.”
I’m so relieved that I can be a good person.
Kang Hajin finally felt like he could escape the dark and lonely practice room.