Chapter 173
Even though it was something he started because he enjoyed it, consistently falling behind those close to him was a very unfamiliar experience for Ban Yo-han, who had always lived about five steps ahead of others.
Even if he memorized choreography and lyrics at a similar or faster pace than On Raon, who had exceptionally good visual and auditory perception.
Expressing it correctly with his body was another issue.
By now, they were already into their second activity.
At least when it came to singing and dancing, he clearly realized that there was an insurmountable gap between him and the members with outstanding skills, a gap that couldn’t be closed by mere practice.
Of course, he had already somewhat accepted this reality when he decided to pursue the career of an idol, a field outside his natural talents.
What bothered him more than usual about senseless words now was probably due to the considerable fatigue he had accumulated while living as an idol.
The physical and mental exhaustion from preparing for the first comeback, occasional calls mixed with concern and disdain from some relatives since the last Lunar New Year, and various factors like the re-emerging issue of Pick Heart’s manipulation were enough to make him sensitive.
‘Anyway, why am I living like this?’
– It hurts my heart to think the stage balance will be ruined because everyone else is doing well except for him. Seeing the teaser this time, it seems like they are pushing Ban Yo-han. That incompetent Jung Sae-bom, the favoritism is intense. The choreography is awful. I hope Ban Yo-han’s lack of skills gets exposed, and he disappears from the center forever.
┗ But still, when the incompetent Ban Yo-han is at the center, he gets easy moves while the other members get difficult ones. It’s sickeningly obvious, so I laughed out loud today as well.ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
It was then that Ban Yo-han, who was looking at the white-lit phone screen with a lazy gaze, sensed someone nearby.
“Why are you sitting in the dark? Ji-woo hyung said it’s bad for your eyes……”
It was On Raon.
Because he was half out of his mind, Ban Yo-han turned off the phone screen a beat late.
– @ORCA_members Guys, are you satisfied with the stage quality right now?? Wouldn’t it have been better to debut as four? Even if you wanted to do that, we would understand.ㅠㅠ
┗ Well, considering that in Pick Heart, the boss, 1, has known them since they were young, and the representative’s nephew, it would have been difficult to leave him out now. Is this the butterfly effect of 1’s injury? That’s why body management is important, and this is a disaster.ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
“……”
With his excellent dynamic vision, which was helpful in gaming, On Raon caught a glimpse of what Ban Yo-han had been reading.
“Why do you look up stuff like this?”
Ban Yo-han, who had squinted his eyes in the suddenly bright room, replied.
“It’s fine. I don’t mind.”
“If you don’t mind, then why are your eyes red?”
Ban Yo-han’s eyes were noticeably bloodshot, probably from looking at his phone screen in the dark for too long.
“The fact that you kept looking at it means it bothers you.”
“……”
Finding it hard to argue, Ban Yo-han laughed a little and spoke.
“Aren’t you curious about what they say?”
Knowing that people were talking about you, whether good or bad, required incredible self-control not to look it up.
And Ban Yo-han generally preferred to give in to his impulses.
In fact, right after their debut last year, the members agreed to let the staff monitor uncensored communities and not look it up themselves.
By now, the rule had become somewhat ineffective, with only Gyun Seong-ha, who was still under strict protection, and Seo Moon-gyeol, who lived carefree, not looking up responses about themselves and the group.
On Raon, who was one of those who looked up responses, understood why Ban Yo-han was doing this.
But deliberately looking for negative comments was another matter.
It was like self-torture.
‘He’s smart enough to know this, so why is he doing it?’
Oblivious to On Raon’s thoughts, Ban Yo-han pressed his index and middle fingers against his strained eyes and said.
“Anyway, I think I’ve seen enough to know what they’re saying. Wanna hear?”
“I don’t want to know. Just forget about it.”
“Just listen. Besides, I haven’t forgotten anything since I was eight.”
On Raon, feeling a bit annoyed as his opinion was ignored, made a slightly dissatisfied face.
However, looking at Ban Yo-han, who was still polished and sleek thanks to the good management before the comeback, there was a vague sense of fatigue similar to what he saw in the latter half of Pick Heart’s filming last year.
“Go ahead then.”
On Raon sat on the floor with a ‘Let’s hear it then’ expression.
Despite his self-centered nature and not avoiding malicious comments, it was clear that Ban Yo-han, who had been looking at them the whole time, was a bit concerning.
“Listen.”
There were several main points in the malicious comments Ban Yo-han analyzed.
To summarize:
First, Ban Yo-han’s position seemed ambiguous compared to other members.
Second, because of the first point, he was more of a hindrance than a help to the other members.
Third, people found it annoying that he debuted despite seeming not to have put in much effort and coming from a well-off family.
In other words, they didn’t like him because he was too good.
“……You know, I don’t get why you’re telling me this like it’s some great logic.”
On Raon, tired from the packed schedule but patiently listening, blinked and said.
“……Right. Why am I analyzing this?”
“Just realized?”
“…….”
A long while later, Ban Yo-han muttered, bewildered.
“Wow, I feel really stupid.”
Kang Ji-woo, who came in with wet hair to grab the hairdryer, commented on his friend’s revelation.
“Whatever it is, congrats on finally becoming an idiot.”
And he quickly left before Ban Yo-han, filled with fury, could retaliate.
“That guy……”
“Forget it, now think of something more constructive, idiot.”
“Idiot? Hey, you can’t just say anything to your hyung.”
“Yeah, our rule. Whatever number it was, no age-based hierarchy. One more word, and it counts as breaking it.”
“Ah, Gyun Seong-ha.” Ban Yo-han exaggeratedly criticized his absent brother, then dropped his playful tone and spoke seriously.
“If someone else were in ORCA instead of me, would things have been better?”
“No?”
No one could have made as much impact as Ban Yo-han in this group. That much was certain.
“Right? And it’s not like the market would have been better if we debuted as four. Whoever came wouldn’t have done better than me. That’s all I need to know. For now, at least.”
Just as On Raon was about to feel slightly moved by the somewhat impressive statement.
“And although it’s a bit awkward to say this myself.”
“Personally, I wish you wouldn’t say anything that’s a bit awkward. Because what’s a bit awkward for you is usually quite significant for most people.”
Ban Yo-han proudly ignored On Raon’s personal wish and boldly continued.
“I think it’s likely that my life is much better than the lives of those who make these kinds of comments anonymously.”
“Right…”
“Yes. I’m awesome!”
Ban Yo-han, at least outwardly, looked excessively fine as if he didn’t have a single worry.
“Oh, really…”
On Raon looked at him with extreme disdain.
“Thanks for listening.”
“If you appreciate it, then don’t look at stuff like that again.”
Instead of giving the answer On Raon wanted, Ban Yo-han deflected.
“You seem tired, so get some sleep.”
“Where are you going without sleeping?”
“I need to make a call.”
“You know we have to leave early tomorrow.”
“Yeah.”
“Hey.”
When Ban Yo-han turned around, On Raon asked.
“Would it have been better if I comforted you more warmly?”
Unlike his usual attitude of treating Ban Yo-han indifferently, he cautiously asked this sincere question, making Ban Yo-han burst into laughter.
“You know what? You’re really an idiot.”
On Raon frowned.
“What are you saying, you fool.”
“Yeah, good night, idiot.”
Ban Yo-han left with that childish exchange, and after calming the nervous Gyun Seong-ha before their comeback, Kang Ji-woo returned to the room, leaving the rest to Seo Moon-gyeol.
“What were you two talking about?”
“I was telling him to stop wasting his life on SNS.”
Kang Ji-woo made a knowing face at On Raon’s ruthless summary.
“I told him not to look at it.”
“You look at it too.”
“…It seems worse than before lately.”
“Well, the company will take care of it.”
“They should, right?”
* * *
In the veranda, with blinds drawn to block any view from outside, Ban Yo-han made a phone call.
“Hello, brother-in-law. How have you been? I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch often. I’m doing well. How is my big sister? …Ah, do you have time to talk now, or should I call back later? Yes. I just wanted to ask you something.”
The call with his brother-in-law, who wasn’t much older than him and with whom he often had friendly exchanges, lasted quite a while.
Finally, having gathered all the necessary information, Ban Yo-han expressed his satisfaction and said his goodbyes.
“Thank you. Oh, please keep this conversation a secret from others. Haha… I’m fine, but my mom tends to worry a lot. Ah… she already asked the same thing, huh? Well, please keep it a secret that I asked too. Yes. Thank you. Goodbye. Yes.”
After finishing the call, Ban Yo-han let out a low sigh.
“That’s done.”
Finally, tomorrow, the new song ‘Dream’ would be released.