Chapter 37
We walked silently across the prairie.
Any monsters that appeared in the distance were incinerated into charcoal by the overwhelming firepower of a fire-class teacher's spell, cast with visible annoyance.
Once it went quiet, the damp night air brushed against our faces.
"Still, Ellie Golden. You really can do it when you try, huh?"
After the heated baldness debate between Professor Harshüge and me, Surume turned his sweaty, jutting chin toward us.
"Isn't that a bit rude to say to a lady?"
"What's the big deal? We're comrades. Comrades who survived that horde of Bone Lizards and Little Lizards."
"Po... poke's... ougi..."
"Sigh... That's exactly why you're not popular."
Surume froze in shock at my words and stopped walking, drifting to the back of the line.
But he immediately dashed up beside me and raised his voice as if to pressure me.
"W-why am I not popular!? Why would you think that!?"
"Why, you ask... Right?"
Receiving my gaze, Ariana lazily opened her mouth.
"You're crude..."
"C-crude? You're saying I'm crude!?"
"Also suffocating."
"What!? That applies to your body too, doesn't it——pubeh!"
"You don't understand a maiden's heart."
"Like I care about that!"
"From an overall perspective, it's instantly obvious you're not popular. Right, Ariana?"
"He has no chance of being popular..."
"N-no way..."
"Po... poke's ougi... mizu... mizu..."
Surume collapsed on all fours and hung his head, drifting to the back of the advancing line again. But he recovered quickly, sprinting back with the perfect form of a sprinter and wedging himself between me and Ariana.
"What should I do? What should I do to be popular!?"
"Even if you ask me that..."
"Please, Ellie Golden, teach me!!"
"That cluelessness about the mood is exactly what's wrong... totally wrong..."
Ariana shoved Surume away in pure disgust and walked beside me, taking position at my side.
"Huh? Huh? What do you mean? I don't get it at all!"
Surume clutched his head with a desperate look and groaned, "Uoooooh..."
I mean, he's just... incredibly pathetic...
"You really want to be popular that badly?"
"Of course I do! My family has practiced free love for generations!"
"Hearing 'love' come from Surume's mouth is just wrong."
"So wrong..."
"Hey, can you stop subtly attacking my spirit?"
"But it's true, right?"
"Can't be helped..."
"...Someone... ougi... watch meee..."
"If you say that, then you two aren't popular either!"
"Oh, I wonder how long you can keep saying that. Ariana and I will become beautiful in no time. And even if you ask us out on a date in the future, we'll absolutely reject you. Just so you know."
"Where the hell does that confidence come from, you fat one—gerah!!"
With my slap, Surume twisted his upper body and flew backward.
"Don't call a lady fat, please."
"Ellie is an amazing person... Don't make fun of her."
Ariana snuggled up to me with a worried, upward gaze.
Damn... she's so cute.
As I patted her head and enjoyed her fox ears, a good idea struck me.
"Surume, I can give you advice on how to be popular if you want."
"Seriously!?"
Surume instantly recovered.
Gargaine, intrigued, cut short his conversation with the rescue team and came over.
"S-so what should I do!?"
"Before that, there's a condition."
"A condition?"
"I want you to find a mage who can use 'Copy.' I think there was such a spell among the advanced fire spells, right?"
"...............poke's... ougi..."
The "Copy" spell can literally copy a viewed scene onto white paper. However, the spell won't activate unless there's ink nearby, making it a pretty useless feature. Since it consumes ink with each use, it's one of those "worthless spells" only used for copying official documents issued by the state.
Because it's an advanced spell, few ordinary people can use it, and most fire magic users tend to have aggressive personalities, making it unlikely that they'd learn such a dull spell. So finding a user was a real challenge.
"Well, such a spell does exist in the lower-advanced tier, but what the hell would you even use such a crappy spell for?"
"It's a maiden's secret."
"What kind of maiden, seriously."
"Hmph. Whatever. I won't lose anything or feel sad if you never get popular and live your whole life single. You'll probably never even figure out why you're not popular and just suffer in frustration forever..."
"Hey..."
"Oh, poor Surume. Girls will call you Surume and be your friend, but it'll never develop into romance. You'll just waste your time and money, and the girls will end up with their true loves, leaving not even scraps for you..."
Surume's face turned pale.
He looked more despairing than when we faced the Bone Lizard.
"Fine! Fine, I'll do it! We have two or three young ones back home who can use 'Copy,' so they'll work, right!?"
"Thank you, Surume!"
I thanked him from the bottom of my heart.
Judging by how he said it, Surume's family must be pretty big.
With this, our plan took one step forward. Selling the mana crystal should cover the cost.
"You've really got a good personality... I'd heard from others you were just a dropout, but that was a total lie."
"They say a talented hawk hides its claws."
"You say that yourself? Well, I'll admit you're capable."
"............poke...'s... ou... gi..."
By the way, we claimed that the Bone Lizard died from a freak localized Thunderbolt. Professor Harshüge had doubts, saying that was too convenient, but since he couldn't believe I could use the legendary composite magic, he reluctantly accepted it.
Surume, being an idiot, shouted, "I'm so lucky! I'm way too fortunate!" Seriously, he's an idiot. Gargaine just said, "Glad we made it out."
"Come to think of it, Gargaine's family runs a blacksmith, right?"
"Huh? You want me to sell you something?"
"Do you have a camera?"
"A camera...?"
"A tool that can reproduce scenery or people onto paper as-is."
"Oh, you mean a 'commemorative imaging device.' If we order it from my family, it'll take time. Also, it's pretty expensive."
"How much?"
"Three million Ron."
"What!?"
That's way more than I expected.
"Is someone getting married or something?"
"No, of course not."
"Then what do you need it for?"
"Oh, all sorts of reasons."
"...look... ou... gi..."
I guess I'll have to buy it.
Luckily, I've got a mana crystal worth one hundred million Ron in my pocket.
Even if I give half to Ariana, I'll still have fifty million left.
"If you're really set on it, I can put in a word with a magic tool shop I know."
"Really! Thank you, Gargaine. You're a real man."
"That's no big deal at all."
"Heeey, hold it right there!"
Surume stepped between me and Gargaine, thrusting out his jutting chin.
"I'm the one with real guts here."
"Huh? What are you talking about, Surume?"
"Heeey! Are you calling me Surume too!?"
"It's easier to say."
"Ellie Golden! Don't go spreading weird nicknames around, seriously! Gargaine, your nickname is Tansoku! I just decided!"
"That remark will make an enemy of all dwarves......"
Gargaine raised his Iron Hammer with a threatening tone.
"Take back 'Surume'! Right now!"
"Take back 'Tansoku'. Right now."
"You apologize first."
"You first."
"No, you."
"You."
"I'll forgive you if you apologize, Tansoku."
"I'll fix that jutting face of yours, Surume."
"What did you say, Tansoku!?"
"Shut up, Surume!"
"Hey, you two—stop fighting in a place like this."
"..................ou...gi... lookin'......"
My voice no longer reached either of them.
Surume drew his buster sword and took a stance.
The two locked eyes. The rescue team stopped moving, wondering what was happening, and Professor Harshüge raised his staff, trying to intervene. At that exact moment, both of them let out a yell and lunged at each other.
"Uoooooooooooo!"
"Uoryaaaaaaa!"
The buster sword and Iron Hammer clashed, a dull metallic sound ringing out as their momentum came to a halt. Gargaine had the upper hand in strength, but Surume leveraged his height and threw his weight into the buster sword.
Without releasing the force in their weapons, they inched forward, glaring at each other until their bodies practically touched.
"Take it back, got it!?"
"Don't get cocky, Surume!"
Their blades were locked in a stalemate. Creeeak, the buster sword and Iron Hammer shrieked with discordant metallic noise. Apparently realizing this would go nowhere, they pushed each other away simultaneously, took distance in a flash, and swiftly drew and readied their staffs.
"Fireball!!"
"Sand Ball!!"
From Surume's staff, a fireball the size of a basketball shot out with force, while from Gargaine's, an equally sized lump of earth emerged and flew at high speed.
Though they were mid-tier lower spells, they had been infused with mana to their absolute limits, making them quite the spectacle up close. Surume's "Fireball" burned a trail across the prairie as it advanced, and Gargaine's "Sand Ball" tore up grass as it hurtled forward.
Impact incoming!
I instinctively pulled Ariana close to shield her from the blast.
Just as the spells were about to collide—at that very moment!
"My... oooooogyaaaaaaaaa!!!"
"Fireball" and "Sand Ball" struck Ama Kuso's butt, who had been wandering nearby.
With a ridiculous boom, Ama Kuso was launched into the air and landed on the ground with a thud, butt sticking out.
"Ah."
"Ah."
".........ougi... complete... haah......"
Ama Kuso murmured and quietly lost consciousness.
○
News that I'd been attacked by a Bone Lizard had reached the Golden family before I returned home, and despite the late hour, the entire household came out to greet me.
Clarice and Barry cried as they wholeheartedly believed I had defeated the Bone Lizard.
Well, I actually did, but how high is their opinion of me...?
After a bit of fuss from my worried family poking and prodding me, I went back to my room and fell into a deep sleep from exhaustion.
——The next day, I was summoned to Greifner Castle.
It seemed I had to meet the king to explain how I defeated the troublesome Bone Lizard, which had been ranked as A-class, and why its seal had been broken.
In Japan, this kind of summons usually meant bad news and getting roped into cleanup duty. While I sighed, Clarice, cheerful and saying "You'll get a letter of thanks! Maybe even a medal!", accompanied me. I changed clothes, thinking, "That would be nice," while mulling things over.