Chapter 13: Growth
The life-or-death moment.
The victor there was the one who survived.
“Only the living can move forward.”
Elaine’s swordmaster, Mores Palaz, always emphasized that.
He was right. Only the living could build on what they learned in such moments.
Proof of that, Elaine’s body moved lightly.
Yet the sword she swung carried the weight of full force.
Even light steps left deep footprints imbued with divine strength. That applied to Aura too, a reflection of its wielder’s essence.
The contrast of weight. A sword that didn’t tire, maintaining full force endlessly, was proof of victory.
With that realization, Elaine swung her sword like a madwoman. The more she swung, the more she felt the change.
The wounds from the beast had healed long ago. Her body didn’t tire, her sword stayed heavy. Skill accumulated.
Thus, Ellen survived the life-or-death moment. She claimed what she learned. An astonishingly clear achievement for her first such moment.
…Not entirely joyful.
‘What if I’d died?’
The thought itself soured her mood.
Elaine wasn’t the type to dwell on such things.
But her mind wouldn’t stop. Because she didn’t survive alone.
She was careless, let attacks through. Admitted defeat in speed too easily. Failed to ration Aura.
If she hadn’t?
‘Would I have won?’
The sword’s hilt splintered in her grip. No certainty. The sense of defeat lingered. The fact she’d never face that beast again irritated her.
It was already dead.
I killed it. That irritated her more.
‘I lost, and Harad won.’
That I won because of her?
That wasn’t comforting. Elaine was Serzila. The heir of the great North. With innate divine strength and talent, she should’ve won.
Even if the only witness was a mage.
‘I’m special.’
Right. I was a special mage.
Elaine had no choice but to accept my words. I was the victor, she the loser.
It didn’t turn to jealousy. This was her personal issue. Winning alone in the next life-or-death moment would overcome it.
“Grand Heir.”
An unwelcome voice broke her thoughts.
Mores Palaz, her swordmaster.
Seeing him, Elaine squinted.
“You’re early today.”
“I’m late.”
“It’s that time already?”
The surroundings were bright. The sun had risen.
“You stayed up all night.”
Mores noticed Elaine’s sweat-soaked body.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
Elaine felt no discomfort in her male-disguised body. That was the Magical Item’s effect.
The sword Elaine swung and Ellen’s were the same. The realization from the rag-beast was vivid.
“…Your sword’s changed.”
Mores noticed instantly.
Unnecessary force was gone, revealing true strength.
Advice Mores couldn’t give.
Divine strength.
Only Elaine was born with it.
Even Grand Duke Aratus didn’t have it.
“What happened?”
Mores asked again.
His face was stern, but Elaine smiled brightly.
She already knew, but his expression confirmed it.
“I gained insight.”
I taught Elaine much.
Only I could offer her life-or-death moments.
Elaine sheathed her sword, roughly wiping sweat from her face, and walked off.
“Where are you going?”
“To gain more insight.”
“You can’t.”
Mores blocked the training ground’s entrance.
“Sorry, but if it’s training, I’ll make it up…”
“It’s hunting day.”
Hunting day.
Serzila called the patrol operations Elaine joined that.
“Who decided that?”
Until yesterday, she’d eagerly awaited it.
A chance to enter the Border. Elaine hoped to face high-rank beasts or Otherworld mages.
But that hope was never fulfilled.
“Your decision.”
“That desire’s dead. Sorry, cancel it.”
Elaine no longer looked forward to hunting day.
She’d seen a dead Otherworld mage, lost to a high-rank beast. Tonight would be different.
“Cancel to the garrison knights? His Grace will be furious. Hunting day was your plea, wasn’t it?”
“A bad habit. Time to fix it.”
“Not today.”
“…”
Mores was firm.
If she spoke to the Grand Duke, her father, he’d listen… but Mores and the garrison knights would be disappointed.
“…I’ll go.”
The Grand Heir had to.
***
“Hunting day, huh.”
I wouldn’t see Elaine today.
She’d spend the day with knights at the 1st Stage Border.
So I had to do what I could alone.
I left the Inner Fortress quickly. The gatekeeper clicked his tongue but opened the gate.
“Prove what.”
The gatekeeper whispered behind me.
Word of my Serzila seal had spread in the Inner Fortress.
That I was a mage, not just a hostage, was known to those who mattered.
The streets Elaine loved were bustling. Everyone was sturdy.
In this harsh land, many worked physically, ready to become warriors. Elaine was proud of them.
They were proud this was Serzila. That pride made them tougher.
“Wait.”
A burly man stopped me.
“What?”
“New face.”
“Same to you.”
He looked unmistakably Northern.
Rough face, scars from blades or teeth twitching with muscles.
“Not a Northerner.”
“Moved here a few days ago.”
“You?”
He sized me up.
Not short, but my frame was thin. Clearly a scholar.
“You won’t last long here.”
“You’ve got a good eye despite your looks. I’ll manage about twenty years.”
“I’m a salt merchant by the red bridge. Where’s your house? Job?”
“Confidential.”
He furrowed his brow.
A rare scholar in the North. House and job confidential.
“Suspicious. You’re coming with me.”
The salt merchant rolled up his sleeves.
“Why not report to the guards?”
“Why would I?”
That’s a Northerner.
Despite guards, they caught criminals themselves and presented them to the Inner Fortress.
“Look, Harad. That’s Serzila. Everyone’s brave.”
“Ignorant.”
Recalling the past, I smiled bitterly.
I showed the item from my pocket to the poised salt merchant.
“Serzila’s seal.”
“…It’s real.”
The salt merchant offered a bundle from atop his head. Untying it revealed freshly butchered pork.
“Take this and let it go.”
His apology was bold.
“Isn’t pork rare?”
In this cold land, pigs were rarer than cows.
“Cheap price for suspecting Serzila’s guest. Take it?”
“I’ll eat well.”
I didn’t refuse.
The salt merchant strode confidently toward the red bridge, showing no shame for acting out or fear for crossing Serzila’s guest.
“Look, Harad. That’s Serzila. No grudges.”
“Simple.”
The Elaine in my memory swaggered.
I carried the bundle and moved on.
The Flower District’s underbelly door was closed, but Ellen’s hair, tucked in the frame, was gone.
I didn’t show it. Instead of looking around, I opened the door and entered naturally.
No presence inside. Dust settled as before. No signs of entry.
“Just opened the door.”
I descended to the underground and used the tunnel. Crawling alone, it was silent. Thoughts swelled in the quiet.
The night at the Border was more stimulating than the Flower District’s underbelly.
I provided that night. So Elaine must’ve dreamed.
“What dream?”
Her first dream was our first meeting in my previous life.
‘Linear?’
Would the second be our second meeting?
The next, the third?
‘What counts as a meeting?’
Just seeing her face? Or talking? If talking, did the depth matter, skipping some moments?
Hard to judge.
It was only time for her second dream.
“Tricky.”
Ideally, she wouldn’t dream everything.
Our time together wasn’t short. Dreaming it all would take years.
That’d be efficient.
But I hoped she’d dream it all.
Even with moments I didn’t want to recall… still…
Only then would she return to the Elaine I remembered.
“What.”
I laughed hollowly at my stray thoughts. Not like me. Pointless thoughts sparked by someone asking about the heart’s taste.
I couldn’t choose anyway. The Magical Item, fed by Elaine’s blood, would decide.
No time to regret the chosen reality. Returning had to be efficient.
The Border’s sky was the same as last night. Gray clouds, tiny star-like creatures floating below, a pulsing rift in the Otherworld’s sky.
No presence felt. The tunnel’s surroundings were surprisingly safe. The mage who dug it knew the Border’s safe spots.
The chill and wind were harsh. Knee-high snow wasn’t ordinary—it sapped life. Meaningless to me.
I stripped naked, tossing my clothes into the tunnel, and lay flat in the snow, buried.
The Border’s sky kept pouring snow, but it didn’t pile on me. It melted around me.
‘5th Rank is still far.’
Two hearts eaten, yet my sun’s size didn’t satisfy me.
Still, it was a stroke of luck.
Thanks to it, I could do this.
Snow turned to water, water to steam. The blade-like wind softened to a breeze.
A sun rose above me.
The annex-sized sun blazed down.
Its heat was intense, reddening my skin, channeling it inward.
It reached my muscles first. They melted, literally. The sensation and unbearable pain blackened my vision.
My thoughts didn’t stop. My will kept touching the sun. I recalled my past life’s body. I couldn’t become it now, but I could shape the frame. The melted muscles took form.
As they did, the sun’s heat lowered. Like firing pottery, the muscles hardened.
Incomprehensible to ordinary thinking. Even I couldn’t explain it. But it worked. That vagueness was magic’s essence.
The sun’s heat rose again. Muscles sent it to my bones. They melted, my vision blackened again.
The bones followed the same process. As the heat cooled, they hardened, thicker, longer.
My frame matched my past life.
I’d forcibly ended my growth period.
The final step.
My body had grown poorly. It needed reworking.
A process I’d gone through before.
Not pleasant. The pain was something I never wanted to endure again.
“…Not a third time.”
Like being forged in a furnace, worse. How could a furnace compare to a sun?
Blood, organs… hidden impurities melted. The sun’s heat rose, burning them without trace.
Amid the agony of cooking from within, a foul stench rose. Then a fragrance. The crisp, cozy scent of sun-dried cloth.
It came from my body.
All impurities were burned away.
The sun vanished.
Not my intent—it was forced.
Confirming the last impurity gone, I dragged my immobile body into the tunnel and passed out.
***
I woke at midnight.
In the tunnel, under the Otherworld’s moonless sky, it was clear to my eyes. The cold clothes on the floor felt warm in my hand.
“Still alive.”
Not a gamble. I trusted my senses and past life’s memories. The tunnel-digger was a meticulous mage. The area was safe.
No other place would do.
This process couldn’t be disturbed.
In the Inner Fortress, knights would’ve interfered. They still loathed me.
“Long way to go.”
I checked my body, half out of the tunnel. Light. Clothes that fit now exposed my wrists and ankles. I’d grown taller forging my bones.
‘The sun’s slightly smaller. Back to before the beast’s heart.’
Its radius matched my height.
Expected consumption. Forging permanently burned some magic.
A bold choice.
‘Maybe 5th Rank sometimes.’ I’d told Ellen. True. I could manage it once.
‘Suicide.’
4th and 5th Rank were different.
Not for nothing was 5th Rank compared to a Swordmaster.
Like knights, mages faced a great wall.
Even for returned me, it half-remained. My mind crossed it, but my body didn’t.
Attempting 5th Rank magic unprepared would threaten my life.
So I chose 3rd Rank mimicking 4th Rank, not 5th Rank.
Solidifying what I’d gained.
‘With this body, I could cross the wall briefly. After recovering lost magic.’
My body wasn’t just tougher. All impurities the sun couldn’t melt were gone.
A cleansed body channeled magic smoothly. Magic manifested faster.
“Good.”
My lips curved into a smile after contemplation. I crawled through the tunnel.
Hunting day. The 1st Stage patrol was likely over. Elaine must’ve returned. I needed to ask about her dream.
My feet pushed faster. Forged muscles helped. My heart raced too.
How long had passed? The end appeared. I felt presences. Faint, rough—not Ellen.
‘Three? Four.’
Their level? Not impressive. No Aura. Trouble for me.
‘Not Inner Fortress people.’
Meaning I shouldn’t use magic.
If I did, I’d have to kill them all.
‘Tunnel-related?’
The tunnel’s gatekeepers had Aura.
These four didn’t. Mages or Northerners. If the latter, I couldn’t kill them.
“Come out.”
They sensed me, as I did them.
Maybe because my Origin was a sun, I was bad at hiding my presence.
“I’m out.”
I crawled out, raising my hands.
No weapons. My magic was ready to flare.
Four surrounded the tunnel entrance. Gambesons under thick furs, a crest on their chests.
‘White lion. Serzila’s crest.’
Another crest below.
A dagger and small shield. I recognized it instantly.
“What’s the guard doing here?”
“Third Squad Leader. We got a report of a suspicious place and person. What were you doing? No, state your identity.”
A square-faced man spoke.
The other three watched the surroundings, their expressions indifferent, like they were just going through the motions.
“Sorry, I’m the suspicious…”
Their looks stopped my hand reaching for Serzila’s seal.
‘The hair was gone.’
The square-faced man said he got a report.
I recalled the salt merchant.
“Right.”
“What?”
“I’m the suspicious one.”
I extended my hands.
Like asking to be taken.