Chapter 66: Trauma (3)
Pierced by Bryden’s lance, Evan died.
Upon returning, he couldn’t comprehend why the village had burned.
‘What was that bastard doing?’
If something went wrong, blame Robern.
Nine times out of ten, it was that scum’s fault.
‘This time, I’ll check for myself. What’s the problem?’
If Robern had resolved to hold the line, it was a level they could have easily defended.
Yet, for some reason, the fortress fell, and the village went up in flames.
“Emil! I have a favor to ask.”
To uncover the cause, Evan turned to the fastest member of his unit.
“Stay here, watch what happens in the village, and report when we return.”
“Got it.”
“I’m counting on you.”
Entrusting Emil with the covert task, everyone except him headed to the eastern forest.
As before, they ambushed Bryden’s guerrilla unit.
‘Damn it, to think losing one man would push us back this much.’
Emil’s absence.
Though he wasn’t exceptionally skilled, his absence meant one less fighter.
And Bryden’s guerrilla unit didn’t allow even the smallest gap.
“Argh!”
“Guh!”
As his unit’s losses mounted, Evan ordered a retreat earlier than usual.
‘This life’s goal is to check the village’s state. Let’s pull back now.’
Heading to the promised rendezvous at the canyon, he saw the burning village and Emil, already there.
Emil looked at Evan with a shocked expression.
“Captain…”
“What? What happened?”
Emil’s next words were even more shocking than Evan had anticipated.
“Deputy Commander Robern retreated. Before the enemy even arrived!”
“What?”
“He abandoned the refugees and fled!”
“What does that…”
Evan couldn’t easily shake off the shock.
All this time, he had thought Robern’s defeat was due to being overwhelmed.
No matter how skilled Robern was, war wasn’t something individual strength could always overcome.
But that wasn’t the case.
“He retreated without even fighting?”
Not only did Robern use the infantry as bait, but he also abandoned the citizens.
Then what had they been fighting for all this time?
To buy time for Robern to escape?
“Captain, to the right!”
―Boom!
A shockwave accompanied by a gust of wind blew Emil’s upper body away.
It was the pressure from Bryden’s lance.
―Clop, clop.
“There was more than one.”
Bryden calmly led his horse into view.
In contrast, Evan fell to his knees, clawing at the dirt.
“What’s got you so angry? Failing to stop us? That’s just the natural order. You can’t block a flood with a few pebbles. Still, you were brave…”
“Kill me quickly.”
“What?”
Evan turned his head, venting his rage as he shouted.
“Kill me quickly! I need to go back!”
“So, you’ve finally lost it.”
As Evan wished, Bryden gripped his lance.
A flash of light followed, and Evan returned once more.
***
Before his eyes stood Robern again.
Evan had always despised him, but after learning the full truth, he loathed him.
‘A vile, vermin-like human. The air you breathe is a waste.’
Robern, who acted lofty when it suited him, lacked even the knightly conviction to protect the weak.
All he cared about was his own safety—this hypocrisy, no, this complete lack of virtue—made Evan want to stab his own heart for ever pledging loyalty to such a man.
“Head to the marshlands. Slow their advance. Then…”
Evan ignored his orders.
Instead, he focused solely on how to save the villagers.
‘The kingdom’s cavalry coming head-on can be delayed using the marsh’s advantage. Even without me and my unit, we can buy time there. The problem is the guerrilla units from the flanks.’
Though their numbers were less than half of the central force, they were still a problem.
Even if smaller, their strength was on a different level from Evan’s forces.
No matter how hard Evan tried, he couldn’t split himself in two.
Blocking one side left the other vulnerable.
‘I need to redirect the infantry heading to the center. It might not be much, but…’
Evan aimed to allocate forces as efficiently as possible.
To do so, he first needed to convince the other centurions.
But when he raised the idea, their reactions were unanimous.
“What are you talking about? The deputy commander ordered us to the center. Why should we pull out?”
“Even if you’re right, can a few of us stop them?”
They weren’t wrong.
It was frustrating, but Evan didn’t back down and made a proposal to sway them.
“If we go to the marshlands, we’ll be wiped out. But in the forest, we at least have a chance to escape.”
Evan knew they, like him, had been forcibly conscripted.
Using their lack of patriotism, he offered them a chance to flee.
Of course, it was likely futile.
They wouldn’t escape Bryden’s cavalry.
Just like Evan hadn’t.
‘But there’s no need to tell them about that hopeless situation.’
The centurions leading the infantry whispered among themselves.
“Fine. We’ll head to the forests on both sides. You’d better hold your end.”
“Don’t backtrack later. If we can survive, that is.”
Hundreds of soldiers split to the left and right, heading to the forests in Evan’s stead.
Watching them depart, Evan spoke to his unit.
“If we head to the marshlands alone, we’re done for. If anyone wants to escape, now’s the time…”
Before he could finish, curses erupted.
“What do you take us for?”
“If we die, we die. You think we’d run like those bastards?”
His unit, much like Evan, resolved to fight to the death.
The sight made his heart swell.
“Idiots…”
He didn’t hate it.
He wanted to save them too, but his inability to do so pained him.
‘Then I’ll make their deaths mean something. Like Gid’s.’
Evan steeled himself.
They arrived at the marshlands early and took position.
―Splash! Splash!
When Bryden’s main force was halfway through, they sprang from all sides, fighting with desperate resolve.
“Raaaah!!!”
“It’s an enemy ambush!”
Evan squeezed out every ounce of strength to hold them back, even for a second.
“Stop them! No matter what!”
But not everyone was like Evan.
Including his unit, those sent to block the flank guerrillas were no match for Bryden’s cavalry.
This was a problem Evan couldn’t solve, no matter how many dozens or hundreds of times he regressed.
‘Damn it!’
Left alone, Evan glared at the smoke rising from the village, seething with rage.
Was he truly doomed to be consumed by these horrific memories?
Unable to do anything?
‘There’s a way…’
No.
There was a way.
But Evan couldn’t bring himself to act on it.
“Die, you imperial dogs!”
As he fell, pierced by the cavalry’s spears, Evan wrestled with the thought.
‘Not that…’
Thus, Evan drew on every ounce of his and his unit’s strength.
He did everything to protect the villagers.
‘Is this really the only way…’
By the time Evan had regressed 127 times, he stopped moving forward.
“Captain? Where are you going?”
“Just a moment.”
Answering his unit briefly, he headed to the village.
There, he approached the villagers gathered in the square, loading carts.
Most of the village, including the elder, was present.
They eyed Evan with a mix of wariness and unease.
“What brings you here…”
The elder stepped forward on their behalf.
Evan clenched his jaw so tightly it seemed his bones would protrude.
―Grip.
He shut his eyes tightly.
“So…”
“Yes?”
“It’s…”
The words he absolutely didn’t want to say, the words he couldn’t bring himself to say.
“Please, stand with me to stop the kingdom’s army.”
Evan bowed deeply.
“Adult men who can wield weapons, please stay and help us. We need to buy time for the other villagers to evacuate. The deputy commander will abandon you.”
His words caused a stir among the elder and the villagers.
“What do you mean, abandon us?”
“Then what about us?”
Amid the growing confusion, Evan knelt.
“I know it’s shameless. You can refuse. But please, even one person, help us.”
What Evan lacked most was manpower.
No amount of turning back time could solve this.
But if the village’s adult men took up arms?
Perhaps they could buy enough time.
Why had Evan hesitated despite knowing this method?
Because he was a protector.
To him, the villagers were people to protect, and he had lived with the guilt of failing them his entire life.
―Step, step.
Evan gritted his teeth.
They could hate him.
They could strike him or refuse, but…
―Tap.
A hand rested on his shoulder.
The elder lifted him by the waist.
“Don’t kneel. How can you kneel when you’re trying to save us?”
“Exactly! Don’t bow your head! Not when others are fleeing!”
Evan wasn’t the only one fighting to protect.
Those he sought to save also had things they wanted to protect.
They, too, were ready to lay down their lives for what mattered to them.
Proof of this was the village men staring at him, and his unit, who had followed unnoticed, laughing behind him.
“Kneeling? Man, I wish I could record this.”
“Seriously.”
“So weak. He’ll never make it as a great commander.”
At his unit’s words, Evan pushed aside his sorrow and steeled himself.
The elder, too, asked how he could lend his meager strength.
“So, what should we do?”
“Defend the fortress with us. Until your families reach safety.”
“Very well. I’ll gather volunteers.”
The village volunteers prepared for the attack in advance, while the unit pretended to head to the marshlands, only to turn back to the fortress.
They assumed a defensive stance.
“Everyone, hold the line!”
The outcome didn’t change significantly.
Despite Evan, his unit, and the villagers joining forces, the defenders couldn’t avoid annihilation.
Bryden’s cavalry crushed them thoroughly.
Yet, what changed was that the elderly, women, and children of Beben Village survived.
Because they achieved this, none of those who died amid the burning village regretted their sacrifice.
Each had protected their families.
For the first time, they acted not under the Empire’s orders but from a deep, heartfelt resolve.
They fought to save people and achieved that goal.
Evan lost, but this was a worthy defeat.
He no longer needed the title of an undefeated commander.
As long as he protected what he valued, he could accept defeat any number of times.
The man who had tried to bear everything after his trauma finally set his burden down.
‘I’m back again. No matter how many eons I fight, I won’t stop Bryden’s cavalry. But we can protect what’s precious to us forever.’
Though defeated, he wasn’t broken.
Like the ground hardening after rain, Evan’s resolve grew stronger.
Even if it didn’t improve his physical or technical skills, it would likely form the foundation for the life he’d live moving forward.
A healthy mind houses a healthy body, after all.
―Creak.
The second door opened.
―Step, step.
Emerging from it, he found a dark void where nothing else was visible.
And standing before him was a presence, Hel.
“What are you?”
But it wasn’t Hel.
It was merely another being that looked identical to Hel.
“Hel sent an interesting one.”
It changed its form to match Evan’s.
“How did you get out?”
“I overcame it. My obsession with the past.”
“Impressive.”
The being clapped sincerely.
“Such a pity. I was hoping to claim you.”
With a snap of its fingers, another door appeared.
“Go. Hel’s waiting.”
As Evan walked toward the door, he paused.
“Has Gaiard come out?”
“That vampire? No.”
Hearing Gaiard hadn’t emerged, Evan hesitated, then turned.
“Then send me to him.”
“Are you sane? Entering another’s memories recklessly could trap you forever. If the owner is consumed by their memories, you’re done.”
It was a grave warning.
But it didn’t faze Evan.
“I’m confident I can bring him out. Open it.”
His eyes shone brighter than ever.
Seeing this, the Hel-like being opened the door.
“Do as you please.”