Chapter 64: Trauma (1)
Anyone who falls into the black sea emerges as a sludge, a being without self.
What happens deep in the black sea?
No one knows, as no one has returned sane.
―Bubble bubble.
Evan and Gaiard, sucked into the sea, were no exception.
Though not souls, they were destined to become sludges.
“It’s a place that forces you to relive your most horrific memories. Not something weaklings like you can endure.”
Nidra gazed at their sinking spot before departing.
But Evan, who had faced death dozens of times, wasn’t one to go quietly.
‘I’ll have my revenge the moment I get out.’
Holding his breath and glaring, he tried to swim up.
But his body wouldn’t move, as if frozen.
‘Damn it!’
A sentence appeared before him.
[Those without a heart have no soul.]
Golden text against the black water.
‘Those without a heart have no soul?’
As Evan read it, he lost consciousness.
***
When he awoke, Evan realized he stood on dirt, not in the sea.
‘What was I doing?’
A sword and shield in his hands.
Their familiar design caught his eye as surrounding sounds emerged.
“Waaa!!! Fight harder!”
―Clang! Clang!
Cheers and clashing weapons.
Evan looked around,
realizing where he was.
“Waaa!!!”
In his past life, at his current age,
Evan—or rather, Mikhail Reverk—was a gladiator.
He stood in the center of an arena in the Empire’s capital.
‘Damn it…’
Nidra’s words before sinking rang clear, deliberately loud despite the impossibility.
―The black sea makes you relive your most horrific memories…
He didn’t hear the rest, but it was obvious.
This was a day Evan, or Mikhail, never wanted to recall.
‘Why this day? Are they really digging up my painful memories?’
It was the day of a melee where twenty gladiators fought at once.
Familiar faces surrounded him, and Evan’s gaze fixed on one man.
‘Gid…’
Wearing a horned helmet, wielding only an axe, he dominated the field.
Gid, the arena’s king and undefeated champion, was a mentor and father figure to Evan, and a gladiator this day.
‘The rules were simple. Kill or survive.’
A massive hourglass stood at the arena’s center.
Survive until its sand ran out, or fight until only one remained in a battle royale.
Of course, gladiators, existing to kill, wouldn’t wait for the sand.
This brutal slaughter was a special event to entertain the Emperor.
For that, gladiators shed blood and took lives.
The problem was Evan knew the outcome, and remembering this day meant he was the victor.
Conversely, nineteen gladiators fell, including Gid, the father figure to an orphaned Evan.
‘Damn it.’
His chest ached.
He’d forced himself to forget, unwilling to remember.
But the black sea dredged up the memory buried deep in his heart.
Though he’d forgotten for so long,
seeing Gid’s back in the distance overwhelmed him with emotion.
‘I don’t know why I’m here. “Those without a heart have no soul,” it said… Fine, I’ll follow my heart.’
The melee gave him no time to dwell.
“Die!”
A gladiator swung a flail at him.
Evan raised his shield to block.
―Bang!
“Ugh!”
His shield arm trembled.
The attack was unremarkable, yet…
‘My body’s fully reverted to that time.’
Yes.
Evan was in Mikhail’s cursed teenage body, incomplete and weak.
His legs felt heavy, as if submerged, and his arms shook.
Returning to this body from his current one felt jarring.
‘Right. I survived here on talent alone. No time for sentiment.’
Gid was a later concern.
Survival came first.
Evan gripped his sword tightly.
Thrusting under the shield, he stabbed the gladiator’s thigh, then raised the shield, deflecting the flail and shattering the jaw.
“Guh!”
As the gladiator fell, cheers and jeers mixed.
“That’s it!”
“Get up!”
The crowd held betting slips, gambling.
Most in the arena bet, making it a massive gambling den.
‘Disgusting.’
Back then, survival was his only focus, ignoring the surroundings.
Now, it was revolting—using lives for entertainment.
‘The Emperor and you, I won’t be your toy.’
Evan had one option:
End this match quickly and save Gid.
―Dash!
Dragging his heavy body, he charged into the fray.
“What’s that lunatic doing!”
“Play it safe! Don’t lose my money!”
The crowd protested.
In this melee, Evan’s odds were ten to one, the highest.
It was fierce, and gamblers betting on upsets backed him, the rising rookie.
But today, all the arena’s top rankers fought.
Even a notable rookie charging into the center was suicidal.
Back then, Evan had circled the edges, taking opponents one by one.
Now, he was different.
A veteran who’d reached the arena’s peak and survived countless battles.
‘This measly melee!’
He threw his shield to clear a path, gripping his sword with both hands.
―Dash!
Dodging attacks from all sides, he struck vital points one by one.
“Waaa!!!”
Despite cheers for the rookie’s performance, Evan remained serious.
‘The small fry are easy. But those three are different!’
Three gladiators surrounded Gid—rankers two through four.
‘I can’t lose Gid! Not again!’
In his past life, Evan survived alone in an empty battlefield.
Gid died alongside those rankers.
This time, that couldn’t happen.
‘First, the spearman!’
He charged at the rank-four gladiator, called “Spear of the Torrent.”
“You brat!”
The gladiator unleashed domineering spear thrusts, creating afterimages.
Evan grabbed a fallen shield, closing the distance.
―Clang!
He slipped in, stabbing the gladiator’s neck.
“Guh!”
No hesitation.
With confident steps, he targeted the next.
‘Now the dual-wielder!’
The “Shadow Twin Swords” brandished flashy dual strikes.
Evan, dodging, felt knee pain.
‘Ugh!’
His body couldn’t keep up with his mind.
‘A graze won’t kill me.’
As the swords neared, a heavy axe knocked them away.
―Clang!
Gid, bleeding from his side, came to his aid, having defeated another ranker despite his wounds.
“Gid!”
Evan threw his sword, cleaving the dual-wielder’s face.
―Thud!
The three rankers lay defeated.
“What are you doing? Do you know where you are, jumping in like that!”
Gid, panting, scolded Evan.
“But I can’t just stand by!”
“Stay put!”
Five gladiators remained, forming an alliance, wary of the unscathed champion.
“Hah!”
“Let’s go together!”
Evan charged alongside Gid.
―Clang! Clang!
A chaotic clash kicked up dust.
“What’s happening?”
“I can’t see!”
As the dust settled, only Gid and Evan stood.
“Huff…”
Gid had deep cuts but none fatal.
“It’s over. With treatment, you’ll live.”
Evan, uninterested in finishing, dropped his sword and supported Gid.
“Evan…”
“It’s okay.”
He’d finally saved Gid.
‘It’s done. The sand’s almost gone. I saved Gid…’
―Thud!
A spear pierced Gid’s heart.
“Gid!”
An Iron Guard, the Emperor’s elite, threw it from the stands.
“Bastard!”
As Evan, enraged, threw his sword at the Emperor, darkness fell.
Opening his eyes, he saw himself holding a sword and shield.
“Waaa!!! Fight harder!”
He was back.
‘Damn it.’
Gid died.
He failed again.
The sneering Emperor wouldn’t tolerate disruptions to his entertainment.
Stopping the fight before time ran out would trigger the same outcome.
‘I was too naive. Fine, I’ll put on a show.’
Evan dodged a gladiator’s flail and stabbed.
He charged into the fray, as before.
“What’s that lunatic doing!”
Faster and more precise, he dispatched rankers.
“Wooo!!!”
“Yes! Kill them all!”
When only he and Gid remained, Evan whispered.
“Gid, play along for a bit.”
“…”
Evan swung, and they clashed, their exchange looking deadly to outsiders, though their intent differed.
‘Done. Time’s up.’
Evan took more wounds, but Gid had no fatal injuries.
With only them left, the next move would reveal itself.
‘The Emperor…’
The Emperor gestured.
An Iron Guard threw a spear at Evan.
‘Crazy bastard!’
Evan grabbed a shield to block.
―Clang!
The crowd gasped.
The Emperor leaned forward, showing a vile smile.
“Oh?”
The Iron Guard raised a hand.
All guards aimed and fired arrows.
‘I can’t block that…’
Gid rushed forward, shielding Evan.
―Thud! Thud! Thud!
He took the arrows meant for Evan.
“Gid!”
Unexpected.
Evan trembled at Gid’s sacrifice.
“Why!”
“Survive to the end…”
Gid’s last words.
Words Evan had refused to recall.
It was the same back then.
Amid the fallen, Gid left him those words.
“Gid…”
The filthy, horrific feeling resurfaced.
“Please…”
Darkness returned.
“Waaa!!! Fight harder!”
Only one could survive.
No matter what, Gid’s death was inevitable.
Gid would never kill him, even at his own expense.
Evan realized why he’d buried this memory.
‘I was powerless before Gid’s death. I regretted failing to save him for so long.’
Back then, witnessing Gid’s death, he could do nothing.
He was too weak.
Now, even knowing this was an illusion, he was powerless again, unable to save him.
‘Maybe the premise itself is wrong.’
Without looking, he stabbed an approaching gladiator.
‘Maybe I need to do what the opponent wants, not my heart. That’s why it’s harder.’
Cooling his mind, Evan dispatched gladiators without glancing.
“Waaa!!!”
The crowd’s vile cheers rang.
―Thud.
After brutal combat, all others fell, leaving only two.
Evan, stepping back, aimed his sword at Gid.
“Come, champion.”
He pulled his helmet down, hiding his face.
Gid raised his axe.
“Fine, challenger.”
They clashed, not just stalling but fighting with lethal intent.
―Clang! Clang! Clang!!
Gid’s axe sliced the air with ferocious sound.
Evan performed daring acrobatics, waiting for one chance.
“…”
When an opening appeared, he stabbed without hesitation.
―Thud!
His sword pierced Gid’s heart.
As Gid fell, spitting blood, Evan supported him.
“I’m sorry. Really… I…”
“Enough… Don’t grieve. You only killed a gladiator today…”
Evan, suppressing sorrow, answered.
“…Yes.”
“Survive to the end…”
The same words.
But Gid’s expression was different.
He smiled.
“When did you get so strong…”
With that, he closed his eyes, serene.
“…”
Evan laid him down respectfully and paid silent tribute.
He didn’t save Gid.
But that wasn’t the point.
Gid never wanted saving.
He was merely worried
whether Evan could endure the arena.
So, he joined the dangerous melee, aiming to eliminate the greatest threats, even at his own cost.
Even in death, he was full of concern for Evan.
But Evan defeated him fully,
besting the arena’s champion.
That was Gid’s wish, relieving his worries.
Though Evan’s heart tore, he believed he’d overcome it.
Evan wouldn’t break.
Gid told him to survive.
‘I won’t grieve more, Gid. You smiled for me.’
―Saaak.
Opening his eyes, the crowd and Emperor vanished like smoke.
Silence enveloped the arena.
The iron gate opened.
―Creak.
Light spilled through.
He walked toward it without hesitation.
***
Crossing the gate, Evan closed and opened his eyes, finding himself in a battlefield, not the arena.
‘This day…’
He looked at his blood-soaked self.
“Idiot! What are you doing!”
Robern stood beside him, his rival and the one who killed him.
And this was the day when everyone Evan had vowed to protect died.
This became Evan’s second trauma.